Another question - Husband Refusing Treatment in VA

Thank you all for your kind responses. Your words mean so much and have helped more than you know. I haven’t heard from him today. If he was released he only has the clothes on him as well as hospital flip flops.

I haven’t spoken to him or any of his family members today. I think it has helped. I honestly don’t know how I feel but in some ways today is like a dress rehearsal for life without him. I can only take 1 day /moment at a time. If I get ahead of myself and think about anniversaries and holidays or back at our marriage or even his illness, it will be my undoing.

I’m a teacher and school starts next werk. One of my children has a birthday this weekend and is having friends over. I just have to focus on that.

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@Sadwife Bless you, I love teachers, you’re salt of the earth -have a good first week back!

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My husband was released Friday. By Saturday he was using again. His delusions toward me seem to have softened. However his other delusions are rampant. He’s worse now. For instance, when I saw him yesterday he had drawn “tattoos” all over himself with a surgical marker.

He says he will go back in the VA after he is paid, which really means when his money is gone again. He did tell me he answers the question carefully “do you see or hear things other people don’t hear or see?” The VA did tell him he is delusional but he says they just don’t understand. Even though I told them how he is a danger to others, and believe me he still is, they let him go. No meds. Psychosis worse if anything.

I think his family wants to see him arrested. They think the drug use will stop and he will get help for his mental illness. No matter what I say that he will not, they believe he will- so helping him now is not helpful, they think. The only hope I have is that IF he somehow is arrested, they will involuntarily commit him and he will get antipsychotics.

It just seems hopeless.

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An arrest for drugs might get him into jail and some kind of treatment if it’s available in jail.

Arrest leads to criminal charges, convictions, and sentences. People don’t seem to understand that. A person experiencing a psychotic episode who requires intervention from authorities is ten times more likely to be incarcerated in the penal system than put in a mental hospital.

You are right, they don’t know what they’re asking for if they want him arrested.

The best thing that could happen is if he somehow draws the attention of authorities without getting arrested, but they notice he needs treatment and involuntarily commit him to a state mental hospital. Even in the VA hospital, this didn’t happen.

So, you are in a terrible situation with no control. I haven’t read all of your posts, so I am wondering, in what way is your husband a danger to others? Because danger to others has real traction with authorities.

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You guys wouldn’t believe this day. My husband and I went for a quick lunch since I’m trying hard to develop trust. I actually wanted to continue talking to him about returning to the VA because I knew he and his brother were not going to make it living together much longer. All was normal; he had some what I like to call low level delusions. Things that could happen, in other words. He was calm, happy, relaxed… not seeing to be having hallucinations. I took him to his brother’s on my way back to work, and as I was parking the brother called. He was yelling I had to get my husband or he was calling the police. I was completely confused and went back to pick him up before something really bad happened.

Basically, they always argue and my BIL had enough. That being said, my husband didn’t seem to have done much, but I think days of putting up with him took its toll. I think my husband moved or touched something, his brother got irked, and my husband got an attitude. Evil texts flew back and forth threatening the police for what I do not know… seemed like the equivalent of shoving each other by text. For instance, my husband decided to send a mean text over and over (hundreds of times) and my brother in law decided that was harrassment and he would call the police. I realized that while my husband is ill, the whole family also has some level of mental illness and certainly PTSD. Every sibling has issues. I know how wacky this all must sound.

In any event, since they seemed to threaten each other by text and my brother in law was using me “tell him…” I blocked my brother in law from my phone and took my husband’s phone. Frankly, I am drawing the line at being verbally abused by my brother in law. So, I took my husband to the VA at his insistence. He’s there and I think will be there a while. I’m sure that no antipsychotic meds will happen again, but he wants help with PTSD which is a good start. He seems to understand that he has serious issues he needs to address and he wants an antidepressant and medication to sleep. I know that sounds silly but this is a big HUGE step forward. However, he gets paid Thursday. Conceivably he could sign out AMA but I don’t see it. I now know from the time he signs the AMA form I have 72 hours.

And this is even stranger: he had dental work done at the VA without my knowledge. The day he demanded the divorce- dental work day.

I have to say to you all that I am so unused to this level of family drama and dysfunction. I know this sounds like a bad soap opera. I also know this is a very long road. Without real treatment this very well may happen again. The really crazy thing is, I still don’t want to divorce the man. I do know I can’t sustain this level of stress and anxiety indefinitely. I can’t be involved in family drama (I never have been before) especially with someone I have been working with to get my husband help. I honestly think that the brother has his own issues and the stress of dealing with my husband’s psychosis is just too much for him.

Maybe it’s adrenaline or just spending time with him getting help, but I have hope for my husband at this point. The fact that he is willing to take ANY medication is huge due to his lack of insight into his illness and his belief that medications are mind control. If someone willingly goes back into a hospital… that has to be a good sign, right?

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Is seroquel an antipsychotic?

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@Sadwife yes, I think that is a good sign.

To me it seems great he went back into the hospital voluntarily.

I hope everything goes well.

@Sadwife Yes, seroquel is an antipsychotic, but it can also be used for other problems as well, it is used to treat – schizophrenia, bi polar, major depression and I understand that it can help with insomnia.

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More details here:

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