I am here because my husband has psychosis (drug induced for sure), borderline personality disorder, ptsd, delusions, and at the least schizo affective issuesā¦ but he seems to me to meet the criteria for SZ. He had a total psychotic break in June ( no idea how else to describe it) after the delusions built to a level I canāt even comprehend still. Heād been using heavily for a few years unbeknownst to me, so how much is drugs and how much sz stuff IDK. He does have auditory hallucinations. Heās sure heās being mind controlled. Some of his delusional thinking has turned out to actually be true, and heās so brilliant he can make you believe anything.
He left the house in June and has not been back, though he seems to be wanting to reconcile when he is not high. The delusions about me, strangely, have disappeared.
Heās been in the VA hospital 4 times since August. He refuses all meds, and is begging to be admitted to an inpatient rehab program that then makes him eligible for a PTSD program. He has been turned down because he is ātoo stableā. Homeless, lost license, his income monthly (quite a bit- enough for a family to live on) is gone within 5 or 6 days bcz he binges. When he binges, the delusions pop up and remain for a few weeks. Right as he seems to be getting it kind of together, he gets paid so he binges again. I donāt know how he can get less stable in terms of the rehab criteria.
I posted a few things last night, but as of this morning I am an anxious basketcase. I keep waiting for the call that he wants to leave the psych ward. He has been staying between 6 and 10 days, so theoretically it wonāt come for a few days. Even if it does come, theyāll keep him until at least the weekend. I do know if they donāt accept him into the rehab program this time, they have signed his death warrant. That sounds melodramatic but itās true. The funny thing is, we were getting it together between us. Not fixed, by a long shot, but working on our marriage. Then the binge that started Wed when he fell off the planet and I didnāt hear from him for 4 days happened. Iām wondering if some of my anxiety is that heās unreachable for 48 more hours. I want to hear from him, but Iām scared to. He does worse in the hospital in terms of ptsd/anxiety. Iām going to try to get him to ask for something for anxiety. He was taking about halidol yesterdayā¦ I can only pray.
Iām at the end of my rope. In the past 4 months since he had to leave/left, I have been financially ruined, heartbroken, hopefulā¦ the roller coaster. My family and friends hate him now, my children hate himā¦ but heās my spouse and is very very sick. The children are too young to understand that and my family and friends will never understand. Even if he agrees to treatment, gets clean, wins a Nobel prize
(Lol), my family will most likely cut me loose. I just donāt understand it. But I Iām sure thatās more than you wanted to know.
Iām mostly lurking just to learn and try to give what little support I can. Over the summer, the support I got here kept me going.
Thanks for asking, sorry so long- winded.