OK, maybe all I am doing is venting here, but just maybe someone will have something useful for me.
I am dealing with not only DD, but her BF, both of whom have schizophrenia. They are living in the townhouse we bought so they would have a decent home in a market where the rent would normally be more than their total combined disability benefits. We live several hours away, and rely on reports from sympathetic neighbors, only visiting when necessary. Following several years of relative stability, I just discovered that neither of them have taken meds or received any treatment since late last year. Predictably, things have totally gone off the rails. He appears to have returned to a life of petty crime, and possibly meth use. She has returned to her delusion that we are evil, evil people who want to do her serious harm. Concerned neighbors report that he returns home in the wee hours, slams doors, and yells at DD. She seldom leaves the house, and is rarely seen and never heard.
We visited last weekend, she knew we were coming and expressed no concerns. On arrival, we were shocked to see the condition of the home—absolute filth and squalor, and our DD, also unkempt. BF, typically friendly and happy to see us, was nowhere to be seen. We made arrangements to come back and take her out for a meal. When we arrived, she said she had ordered in, and proceeded to remove the piles of junk from the table, and tried to find unbroken chairs. Again, no BF. We tried to have a conversation about BF disturbing the neighbors, who are also concerned for her welfare. She vigorously defended him, and denied there were complaints, blaming me for making it all up. DH made the mistake of asking if she was afraid of BF—which totally set her off. We left.
I visited the Mental Health office the next day. DD had been on extended leave, and was required to show up for injectable meds. Apparently, late last year, she stopped showing up. Rather than having her returned to hospital, they failed to renew the order, and closed her file. Of course, no one informed me, because ‘privacy.’ The best they could offer at this point, was to show up at her door, lay eyes on her and ask if she was OK. Done, over to me.
I have limited options. Yes, I can probably get a judicial order for involuntary commitment. This would leave BF alone, off meds and out of control. Thus far, he has kept some of his activity away, but with her not there, who knows? I could evict him, which would leave him literally on the street. Also, he is a B and E expert, changing the locks won’t make sure he stays away. I am really sad that he is in this condition, as we have known him to be a wonderful man, and have been happy to have him in our family. Doing nothing, and waiting for the next thing to happen? He has a case working it’s way through the court system. In a perfect world, the result will be to send him to hospital. Back to DD, who is severely anosognosic, and as mentioned does not trust us (or anyone afaik). Her last hospitalization was after she had been on the street, banned from soup kitchens and homeless shelters and literally begging to survive. This time, she is invisible, possibly agoraphobic, and thus it is extremely unlikely that she will come to anyones attention to be forced into treatment.
I have encouraged the neighbors to call police anytime there is a disturbance. Also to report their evidence of his illegal activity, mostly theft. They have been reluctant, partly because they are afraid of the very large and angry man.
Everything is complicated by being several hours away, and coming up to winter with bad driving conditions. And I hate to admit it, but weighing heavily on me is that one way or another it will be up to me to clean up the physical mess of her home.
So, yeah, looking for any suggestions, or maybe ideas about possible outcomes of any particular action. And if you got this far, thanks for listening.