EXACTLY.
I’m a dad of a sz 24-year old. Stress has an effect on the voices regardless of where – or who the stress comes from.
This site has helped me understand:
My son is MUCH more stressed out by everything. That’s normal for his condition. His responses are often ‘over the top’. Ok. Getting meds right takes time. Meanwhile, I have to LISTEN closely to what he is saying and FILTER OUT his tone of voice – and never make him wrong about his feelings.
How I try to reduce stress
If he is upset and uses profanity over the phone, I will say, “When you can talk to me without cussing, call me back.” I hang up. He then calls back in a minute and apologizes: “I’m sorry. I was angry.”
KEY:
I say (in a nice tone of voice), “I understand completely. I know you feel things more intensely. Just keep practicing to keep a lid on it.”
It takes repetition for both of us to adjust
He may slip again. But often he will say he’s sorry during the conversation so I say, “No worries. Keep practicing! I’m right there with you.”
I truly forgive
Then I HOLD NO GRUDGE whatsoever. I start over with a clean slate. He learns that he is safe and forgiven when I come back to discussing what he wants to discuss.