I’m trying to understand how common the theme of control is for others related to or living with a sz person. My wife and I are stuck in “I will do whatever I want, whenever I want” due to over-abused control by her parents as a child and now she can’t handle anything that appears to be any form of control over her. The end result is somebody who sleeps in, does almost no exercise, cooks, eats and naps- until asked to do something, then she flies off into another shouting fit. There is great intention to do things and many promises, just the end result is always that nothing much happening other than the usual routine. All children to some degree go through the temper-tantrum phase and grow out of it, however I have noticed that in this case a part of her subconscious has not grown out of it and therefore she resorts to the same child-like behaviors she had as a child when anything represents her parents control.
The main things of interest are the triggers and subsequent response patterns. For example, my wife has three defense modes- shouting, blaming and violence. The instant a control statement is received her voice will go up and loud noises will emanate from her for about half an hour regardless of anyone else talking. All conventional discussion stops. She will shout down everything, take anything said and turn it back as an attack, she will blame (me) for anything and everything and use physical actions to reinforce her statements. She is not a native English speaker and will do some of this in her native language which is a real indication to me that her mind is locked back in the past- I have no idea what she is saying unfortunately. These are exactly the habits she used against her parents and because they were successful, they became the default way of handling control, and over the years this appears to have morphed into sz type behaviors and beliefs that ‘aliens’ are trying to control her and various authority figures.
I would like to hear from anyone who had a difficult time getting compliance when their [now sz adult] child was around 2-3 years and was told to do things. I don’t mean to imply bad parenting or anything like that, just looking for any others who can relate today’s behavior to that of the child.