Dear @Bunzo, You do have the right to be sad. Hopefully, you will also find some understanding friends and people who can take care of you too.
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I tried. I canāt go to the group near my house, because someone I know goes there. I tried a different group, and I knew someone there, as well. And I donāt trust that person.
What I found at the group was that I was the only spouse. Everyone else was a parent, and I couldnāt relate to them on the same level. Some of them came as a couple, even, and I found myself admiring that they at least had someone in this with them, going through the same thing. The dynamics of caring for a child and caring for a spouse are different, and I didnāt find the group helpful.
They have been immensely helpful for my husband though. I also enjoy the time he goes, as some personal time to myself. Iām considering looking into groups for caregivers in general, or starting one just for spouses. Thatās why I created this thread - to see if there are many spouses out there, and if their situation is similar to mine.
Yaknow, I have those. But reaching out is really hard for me. I just broke down crying, and thought of all the people I could call. Then I thought of all the excuses I have to not call them. I donāt even know what to say. And thereās not much they can say back. We have plans tonight, so Iām going to focus on that for today; being with friends and family will be helpful.
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I sometimes feel selfish and terrible for saying that I donāt want children and I donāt think I could handle it, especially now with a schizophrenic husband. We all carry guilt and shame for something. I know Iāll never leave him, the way youāll never leave your daughter. They both need someone. I would feel worse being the person who walked away and gave up, especially since things arenāt horrible.
As I am still in the dating phase, I am very much curious as to how you experienced dating with your partner. For instance, my partner has avidly avoided doing dating things that put him in stressful social situations such as going out for dinner and I have had a difficult time getting him to try different things or even come over at a different time. After 3 years we have improved our communication but he wonāt do new things.
What was dating like, and how did you two navigate through the illness and move forward with long term commitment such as living together and marriage?
To be honest, things havenāt changed much. I myself have had to push him to get him to go out on things like dates and thatās like perhaps once a year. We donāt go out very often. We do TNR cats together and that helps him get out a bit. We put food outside for cats everyday out too and I make him get the plates in the mornings, otherwise he wouldnāt get any sunlight at all as he thinks it is bad for him. I feel like communication, of what he thinks and feels, and the drive to go out, has to be forced out of him by me most of the time. Itās hard enough that he has SZD, but he also has Aspergerās as well which accentuates these issues. So I believe that the only way towards success is trying things together and encouraging communal things and vulnerability. Try apps like Living Social or Groupon and go to a paint class or go get a massage together, we did that once and he was very responsive. Or a wine tasting, even if itās not really his thing, just say itās something youāve been wanting to do for a long time and to do it for the experience. You can take music lessons together at home or get a dog together, maybe take it out for daily walks. Routine is something that helps them get accustomed because in part they also deal with amnesia from what Iāve seen, but every now and then in every relationship itās important to switch things up a little and I understand your frustration. If he has enough insight and is not a violent person, perhaps you could try communicating that to him as an ultimatum if he refuses to try anything. I know some people can be really stubborn, my SO is.
Hello, I am new on here. I been married for 6 months. My husband has no history of mental illness. 3 m onths ago he started hearing voices and having delusional paranoid thoughts. I donot know what to do or think. Itās getting worse he quit his job and he Carrieās conversations with voices in his head ā¦I need help how to deal with this. I donāt think I can walk awayā¦I am so sad ā¦I feel like all my plans for future is out of window I actually starting to try to accept this is my life and he needs me to take care of him ā¦my husband is a great kind manā¦