@Aprils I felt pretty silly as we spent several weeks trying to catch our son talking to his voices - and all along he is telling us about people calling him names all the time and accusing me of saying stuff I hadn’t said. One time he even said “I must have rabbit ears, those people were far away”. Of course someone at support group when I was telling about it, thought he meant he had …rabbit ears.
It turned out to be a funny moment at support group, most of the folks realized that he was referring to rabbits having good hearing, others thought he was claiming to have large furry rabbit ears.
Because at support group - well - it can be either way pretty much.
Here’s something more about trying to stay neutral. We have yet another intake appt tonight with a psychiatrist which I’m making him go to for meds. So while I’m sitting there with him and he’s not telling the doctor about his bizarre thoughts and is just giving him the bare minimum like, “I have anxiety” what do I say? If I’m not supposed to confront him about his delusions? The last intake I did make my son tell the doc about everything. But that made me feel pretty crappy and I’m sure it made him feel bad too because it was obvious I didn’t believe him. Ask to speak with the doc alone?
Well the intake went terrible at least in my mind. It wasn’t a psych evaluation yet. That’s in a week. They basically asked him a bunch of questions about his past and then asked him what his goals were. Which were get up earlier and get out and do something once a week. She asked him did he have any issues or problems that he would like to work on and this was it. I’m screaming in my head, “What about this and what about that”! I don’t know why but I feel so guilty like I failed him. I don’t know how to work the mental health system. It all just seems like a waste of time.
It sounds like it went well in that he engaged and let you be there. That is really good.
There is this possibility:
It’s like the LEAP method; start with the problems the person identifies for themselves. [You have a week to send over a fax or letter about your observations if you choose to go that route. ]
When my family member was very ill and I could not help, I also felt like I failed them. I still feel that way.
Yes. I guess I should count my blessings. Compared to some of the stories I’ve been reading overall I should feel lucky. I will look into the LEAP program. And again, it’s so nice to have you out there to talk to. I don’t have talk to anyone but my therapist.
I have some of these issues. I often think co-workers are saying things about me to each other, monitoring me, and reporting back to my boss about me. It leads to me whispering under my breath and muttering about them. When I catch myself doing it, I stop it, but sometimes too late, and people do notice and then start watching me and looking at me weirdly and talking about me for real, which just makes the paranoid thoughts worse. That’s when I practice the DBT skills— trying to look at my behavior from their point of view, and that seeing me going around muttering and whispering (or even worse-- laughing) would cause people to look at me weirdly. One of my bosses (at the movie theatre) has a relative with schizophrenia, so he is very tolerant of me. The other job, bussing tables at a restaurant is more in danger.
He is still working with a CBT therapist, is DBT a part of CBT? I do keep my eyes open for a work situation that would work for him. He tried bussing tables years ago, that was too much people contact for him. He switched to being a dishwasher and those jobs lasted longer.
DBT was originally a spin off of CBT meant to help suicidal Borderline Personality Disorder patients, but I have found certain parts of it to be very helpful to me. I was originally diagnosed as a teenager with BPD, due to self harm (cutting) and suicide attempts.
A night job like janitor or custodian might be even better for him. Most of my duties at the movie theatre are janitorial in nature, and I do well with those types of assignments.
My son was the same way, really off the wall with his parnoia, when he came home from living is los Angeles for a year.
Was in denial about his mental illness. Would not seek help. So when he became threatening one day to my husband, called the cops. They took him to hospital and was there that it was learned that he was schenzophric and had to be ordered by court to have him put on medication, because he wouldn’t take it, and was there a few months. That was 4 years ago. He has had episodes since then due to going off his meds and had to go back to hospital to be put back on them. Today he is on the right meds and sees therapist and psych Dr every month. Meds is the key to a more normal life. Good luck!
Ahhhh, yes the side effects. With the internet you can google everything so he is pretty firm the drug side effects will kill him.
What I have noticed over the years is a real sustained fear something is going on he does not know. Medicated, it fades to the background but never goes away completely. And he always is sure someone is talking about him. I don’t argue that point, because with his odd behavior people might be whispering about him. I do try to get him to think about is there a real danger in the fact they are talking or is it just gossip. Mostly I get “I don’t know”.
Yes, you are correct the psychosis is debilitating.
I wish we had known what we know now only because we are taking a (free) NAMI Family-to-Family class. Look it up to see if there is one offered in your area. Our son with SZ was managing on his own without meds…not the greatest but he was getting by and even had an internship and, for a short-time, a part-time job. However, he disappeared suddenly and has been living out of a car in another state for 2.5 months (he has access to funds that we can’t control). He does not communicate so we barely know where he is except through investigative resources. We have had him a Missing Persons list twice, but each time, he tells the police he is fine. I even talked with him once on the phone with the police present with him. We know that the police have been alerted multiple times in the areas where he roams and recently, the manager at a fast-food restaurant where he was eating was worried about him and called 911. He was taken to a hospital but released within 4 hours.
Don’t wait for something worse to happen. Think about anything else you can use for leverage to take meds or to do even simple things to help like take out the trash. Do you give him cash? Or a car? Who pays the insurance? Most importantly, read the book “I Am Not Sick; I Don’t Need Help” by Dr.Xavier Amador, which will help you see how you can work to gain your son’s trust with the idea of ultimately convincing him to take meds…not because he is sick, but for reasons that make sense to HIM. I wish we had known about this before our son disappeared.
I’ve been told that the best way to answer another’s delusional thoughts is to repeat back to them what they told you, then delay an answer, and ask them questions about it, trying to understand how that makes them feel, in a compassionate, patient way. If they think you don’t believe them, it could keep them from communicating with you at all, and that’s not good.
We did have a bad episode this spring and it resulted in involuntary admission and breakdown of trust on his side. He was placed on meds (again) but d/c after discharge. I have looked into Dr. Amador’s approach also.
While I agree he should be on something, rebuilding trust is vital. So we came to an agreement for the time being. As long as he is not a danger to himself or others we will work on this his way. Do we like it? No. But he recently brought meds up himself lately, so we hope his stance on absolutely no meds is softening.
