I have nowhere else to share this devastating news I just received, my friend has sworn me to secrecy until she gathers herself and tells the rest of her family. This friend and I first met 10 years ago in a NAMI family to family class and have stayed in close touch ever since. We were bonded through our struggles with our sz sons. Yesterday her struggle with her sz son ended as he successfully ended his own life.
I told her I had no words and I don’t know what can be said to her because I know if it were me no words would help, nothing would help. All of the love and energies she poured into her son (and he is one of 6 sons she has). I know it seems it was for nothing now. Or at least if it happened to me it would seem like that. I can’t help her through this even though I assured her I am here for her I know she won’t want to trouble me. That is just like her. So considerate.
Even in her pain she will think of others, isn’t that what caregivers do?.. even when those they care for have passed?, they really don’t stop caring about others…ever…and they aren’t so keen on the idea of others caring for them, maybe it feels unnatural…to be cared for… I think I feel that way and it throws a wrench between friends and I sometimes when they want to help and I say “no, I am fine, I’ve got it”.
I think that is my default setting and the default setting of my friend too. I know her heart is unimaginably broken right now. I hope the love of her family carries her through it all. I truly do.
Her husband is bi polar and I believe one other son is mentally ill but I think both are getting help at the last talk we had…
This son that has now passed was the one that never believed he was ill and only wanted money from his mom and managed to travel the country on her dime and always get into trouble because he was always unwell and then he would rely on his mom to bail him out until he could regroup and take off again, if she didn’t help him out he would turn very violent. It was a catastrophic situation.
She did the very best she could, she really did, I know, I closely followed her story and sometimes we talked late into the night about it…she was just feeling like she was making progress as she got him back into our town again and on disability and had him finally agreeable to seeing a psychiatrist and trying a medication.
It was a first. It was a step so full of hope and promise for her and in turn, me for her and her son.
I never expected this would be the outcome in spite of the grim statistics. I just needed to vent my deep sadness for her loss, some place safe and anonymous to the world. I usually try to bring positivity here because it is so sorely needed. Today I am fresh out of positivity and for that I am very sorry.