My 25 yo son has been slowly declining for about two years. The last year it has gotten worse and he also turned to some drugs as part of some risky behaviors. While we realized things weren’t right in his head, we attributed it to drugs and went the path of “tough love”. When he finally hit rock bottom and accepted our offer for rehab on January 1, I had guarded hope.
He was sent to a nice rehab facility and did well at first in detox. After about 11 days he was caught going into a girl’s room and was put on a behavior contract and sent to their PHP facility. I didn’t think he was ready for that. At PHP, you live in a group setting and have full access to your phone; etc. 10 days in detox and intense therapy didn’t seem enough.
It was during the week in PHP that his mental health issues started to become clearer for us at least. We had not been sure what was drug-induced and what was a mental health issue. He started saying “they want me to leave”, “they are bugging this place”, and “they hacked my phone”. He said one of the other patients punched him. I finally received a phone call the next day saying he wasn’t meshing well with the group and would need to be moved to another group’s facility.
He was at the new PHP location for not even 24 hours when the staff there called me and said, “Your son is delusional”. They did more in 24 hours than the so-called higher-end facility did in 19 days. I’m still at a loss as to why the counselors and psychiatrist at the first facility couldn’t detect the delusions. I was blessed to have a really great clinical director at this little facility work with his team to find a facility that specializes in mental health (and rehab) where he would be put on medication and get regulated. Yesterday was the worst that I had ever heard him - saying “i pay your mortgage, this place is having a new roof put on and my insurance is paying for it, I pay my friend’s mortgage” It was a long, sad day for me.
When he was admitted to the new facility, I finally felt a little better last night, thinking he is going to be put on medication, finally working towards some kind of diagnosis…I thought it would get better.
Somehow today, my son was able to have access to his phone. He called me and said he was leaving (he didn’t) and said how could you do this to me, I will never forgive you, you spit on my grave.
It was just awful. I said, “I’m not doing this” and hung up. I called the facility and found out he was still there and they would investigate why he was able to have access to his phone.
I guess I thought when he went into the mental health facility, they would provide his medication and when I spoke to him, he would be evened out. Now I am on the roller coaster ride just sitting here obsessing over it.
My question - is he going to stay angry at me for this? Will it get better as the days go on? He is furious.
I joined Nar-anon when he went into rehab. I really liked it bc I felt like I finally found so many people that faced the same issues that I am facing. Now I have this whole, new mental health diagnosis (still unknown but many symptoms of schizophrenia) and I feel a little like a fraud going to the meetings.
I’m very pessimistic. I know my son is just the type that won’t stay on the medication. I already feel that he has anosognosia and does not believe anything is not right.
I’m sorry, I’m exhausted. I’m overwhelmed. I want to scream to the world that they are wrong about mentally ill people. They are just like you and me - they just got taken off track with an illness. I am sad for my son’s future and the lost dreams.
THank you for listening.