Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Found out he is in the hospital


#1

So to find out he’s not in a homeless shelter after all. He called me yesterday to tell me he’s in the hospital & he accepts the request of us just being friends. I still care about him, there’s only so much I can do. I feel really bad, the homeless shelters make him clean up in the morning & make him leave until it’s time to check back in at 7:30 pm. He’s out roaming the streets that whole time. I don’t think that’s suitable for recovery. He signed up for the homeless shelter, so hopefully he’ll be in there soon. I just don’t want him to stop taking his medication & have a relapse. He’s been taking his meds consistently for over 2 weeks already. I have to have time for myself too. I’m still in school getting my G.E.D., I have to look for work, and just time for self improvement. I love him & really care about him, there just needs to be structure & balance. I know a lot of people wouldn’t even consider being in my position. But what’s wrong with helping someone out? I’m 20, and he’s 22.

And another question. Does learning about spirituality & self improvement make a difference in recovery? Does anyone have any advice or experience?


#2

You’re only 20 years old. Stay friends if that is what you wish, but ultimately move on with your life.

Hooking up with ‘damaged goods’ in the prime of your life is no way to begin your adulthood.

My 2 cents…

(And this is coming from me, I’m damaged too…so consider the source.)


#3

There is nothing moral about maintaining a friendship. If you think being friends with him is doing him a favor, you’re not being a very good friend. Good friends find the relationship mutually beneficial. You don’t owe it to him or anything. You’re not a better person for being his friend.

As for spirituality, it helps some and hurts some. I had a tendency toward religious delusions, so I had to give all that up. I mean, I still believe in God, and I think Jesus was the perfect example of humanity, but I no longer go to church, because it triggers delusional thinking for me. But some folks here love their spiritual side.


#4

Not the religious type of spirituality. More like personal growth.


#5

@Patrick oh gosh this is a horrible feeling :frowning:


#6

I agree with @patrick here… and that’s coming from SZ dudes… like as much as we might have wanted a woman while we were sick… A sz has some real shit they need to focus on… they’ve got to learn about the illness… not you.

Give him a year and see where he winds up. If he’s on the up and up and is developing insight and gaining in stability and functionality then go for it…

A year is not a long time at all… let him know you care… let him know you’re there for him if he needs… then basically repeat all the shit I said… tell him the folks on the forum at schizophrenia.com can help him get insight…

but us talking to you… is only going to consul you… I think most of us would rather get to the brass tacks and talk to him directly. We got no clue what his sz is like… but there are folks from all sorts of walks of life on here.


#7

@SoitGoes thank you, I appreciate it.


#8

I don’t think being friends with ex’s is a good thing. Someone else said this earlier, I’d credit you if I could remember who you are.

I know that if I stayed friends with C after we broke up it would be nothing but a bad thing. We’d be on and off, on and off, there’s just too much history and too many emotions there. If you want him back you might go for the friend angle. If you don’t, it’s just best to go ahead and leave.

I would personally suggest leaving. If he loves you he’ll come back. You’re just starting out in life. There’s no reason for you to take on such a commitment and if you wanted to understand it could very well be a lifetime commitment. I started dating C when I was 22. It might have been right for me to commit to something this big so soon in my life but at the same time it might have been wrong. He’s about eight years older than I am. Either way this goes for you it will effect your life. Either you will just have memories that will effect your future outlook or you’ll have a person effecting your future (provided he wants to stay).

From what it sounds like above you need to get some stuff lined out before you start out on a life time commitment. You need a G.E.D at the very least. I wouldn’t do anything that might distract for that if I were you. Most of us on here aren’t super hero people. If the people on here are an accurate cross section it’s very, very likely that if you two end up together you’ll be the one supporting him. It’s tough dealing with this illness even if you don’t have to work and many of us can’t.

This relationship is not something to play around with. You have to ask yourself, do I want children? Do I want someone to take care of me financially? Do I want to deal with a lot of stress when I come home? Can I stand it if he can’t work because of his illness? and many other questions.

I know that having children is a big deal to a lot of people, but being married to someone with sz means that child rearing will be exceptionally difficult. You’ll have to take care of the children, work, and take care of him.

Just give some thought to the future.


#9

sorry for being abrasive… especially yesterday…

It’s tough to hear about these situations…


#10

I want him in my life. How long does recovery take? I know last year he was working 2 jobs, then he stopped taking his meds & had a relapse. But recently he’s been taking his medication consecutively for 2 weeks… Even though he smoked weed on one of those days.


#11

It can take years for someone recently diagnosed to stabilize (I was one of them). Those who are not med-compliant or who go off them often may not stabilize or will display erratic recovery. Recreational drug use greatly decreases the odds of meaningful recovery.

Don’t expect to see miraculous, overnight changes. Recovery tends to be incremental, taking years. You’re in it for the long haul.

Pixel.


#12

Dear @jasminez4u2

You’re a year older then I am. @Patrick and @pixel have given you some good advice and insight.

My oldest brother J was diagnosed at 17 and it’s taken almost 13 years for him to be in a stable situation where he can find happiness and make the progress he wants to make. There are a LOT of factors that added to my brother’s journey. He will readily admit, some of his past actions didn’t help his recovery.

I also remember him being derailed by some doctors who didn’t follow up the details, ssi benefits not covering the right meds, some hospitals that seemed to cause more harm then heal. What I’m also getting at is, some of the blockages in my brother’s recovery were out of his hands.

I’m not trying to be doom and gloom, my brother is amazing and has worked so hard to get a life he’s happy with. But it took a lot of work, not just by himself.

My ex-bf is 24 and isn’t ready for any sort of relationship. I should have seen it coming, but I fell in love, took a chance, and it didn’t work.

As far as being friends, the ball is in his court. I find it’s working out better this way. I don’t call him, I don’t text, I don’t keep tabs, and in return, he’ll let me know he’s Ok. But he doesn’t want to get back together with me. As far as being friends, it’s not going to happen, as much as I might want it, there are other factors that let’s me know it’s not in the stars.

For you I’d say be patient. All this seems like it’s been just a few weeks. Let things settle down and really get a feel for what’s happening before making long term plans. It’s going to take time so see how well he responds to meds, or therapy, or help.

As my brother keeps telling me, “sz or no sz, I’m too young to make all these for ever after plans. Just by virtue of growing up, I will be changing again anyway.”

I know you love him, but letting go for a bit might be the best way to be a friend.

Good luck and best wishes.

Thank you for letting me post.


#13

It took me eleven years to get to recovery. Once I found the right med, it took about eight weeks for it to start working. And don’t assume he will be fine now that he is on his old meds again. Every relapse makes us less likely to respond to our old medication and dose again.

We’re not trying to be all doom and gloom. We just want you to be prepared.


#14

Why did it take you 11 years to recover?


#15

@kidsister thank you, appreciate it


#16

A) Ultimately, yes, but not until pretty much most of the following is undertaken.

B) So here we go:

  1. Get a copy of this book and read it. Have your family read it, too.
    http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Schizophrenia-6th-Edition-Family/dp/0062268856

  2. Get properly diagnosed by a board-certified psychopharmacologist who specializes in the psychotic disorders. One can find them at…
    https://psychiatrists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

  3. Work with that p-doc to develop a medication formula that stabilizes your symptoms sufficiently so that you can tackle the psychotherapy that will disentangle your thinking. The best of the therapies for that currently include…
    DBT – http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
    MBSR – http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php
    ACT – https://contextualscience.org/act
    10 StEP – http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-processing.html

  4. the even newer somatic psychotherapies like…
    MBBT – https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system
    SEPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing
    SMPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensorimotor_psychotherapy

  5. or standard CBTs, like…
    REBT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
    Schematherapy – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_Therapy
    Learned Optimism – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_optimism
    Standard CBT – http://www.beckinstitute.org/what-is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/About-CBT/252/


#17

when i thought things were going south i sort of dumped my gf and then i was diagnosed 5 years later, took me another 2/3 years until i found someone and it was by pure chance in the hospital and we are still friends to this day,

now i am looking for someone who i can hopefully have the ‘ever after’ life with, it is a dream of mine that i am desperate for but i still need to take medication for my illness,

spiritual growth for me has been a journey, i had to rediscover myself in a lot of ways and now i am trying to better myself, spiritually, academically, socially, basically in ever way imaginable as long as its good for me.


#18

That’s just how this disease goes sometimes. I tried a few medications, and they all made things extremely worse for me. After that, I became afraid of the meds, and tried to just cope on my own. I did alright for a few years. I just barely graduated college, and I found a good job. I was able to do it for about a year, then I had another psychotic break and lost my apartment and job. I moved in with my mom for a bit, but that was horrible, so I became homeless and traveled around the country, drunk off my ass.

Eventually, I decided I wanted to get help again, and I began the process trying to find a doctor, then trying to find the right med, then learning coping skills. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs since finding the right meds, because during extra stressful times they don’t work as well. I’ve had a lot of help from outside sources. It is really a lifelong journey with this disease.