I am wondering what families our there have done about funerals, weddings, baby showers, etc when it comes up.
There will be a funeral sooner or later for our family within the next three months and my daughter is living with me, her mother, and she is very unpredictable in her actions since she is unmedicated. Her grandfather is about to pass away and I am not sure how to handle it. I think the family would be traumatized if my daughter walks up to grandpa while he lays in his coffin and blesses him to come back to life. She just tried this with a bird. She knows he is coming to the end of his life too and of course she doesn’t think she has an illness.
Suggestions?
Maybe take her to see him privately instead of at the funeral
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Our son lost two grandparents last year when he was unmedicated. No funeral for my dad since he didn’t want one. My mil’s was a huge affair in the big church they had grown up in, married in (68 years ago) and continued to attend. Our son decided not to attend and we were relieved. It would have been too overwhelming for him. He did go visit her about 2 weeks before she died. Would it be possible for your daughter to visit her grandfather before he dies? I’m sorry you are going through this. So many different challenges with sz.
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I left funeral attendance up to my family member who was ill. We got dressed and partway there, then family member wanted to turn back and go home so we did.
I think (opinion not fact) family functions are one of many areas where it’s good to treat people with sz like (so-called) “normal” people and let them decide.
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When my father in law passed away, my husband went to his wake/funeral in psychosis. During the wake as the Pastor was talking, my husband was disagreeing with him out loud. My sister in law was outraged by this and still brought it up a year later in sheer disgust. This was my husband’s father…i couldn’t tell him not to go. The way I see it is this: too bad if people cannot understand SZ. Too bad if they feel outraged or ashamed of a loved ones behavior. As long as they are not violent, I personally don’t see anything wrong with them attending a funeral service for a family member. I am past the point of feeling ashamed or embarrassed over my husband’s illness…it is what it is and he certainly didn’t ask for it. And as for my sister in law, she has a bachelor’s degree in psychology and works with people who are mentally ill but because it is her brother it is unacceptable!
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I have zero interest in not upsetting people who can control themselves and make choices about their behavior. Our family members are real people having real responses to whatever is going on. There is a vast difference between what is socially awkward/ inappropriate and what is dangerous or truly distressing. I am not going to try to prevent the former anywhere for any reason. I will always attempt to keep my family member and everyone we know safe and functioning enough to survive.
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