Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Guardianship of unmedicated, hostile parent please help

Please give advice or share your experience.

Mom unmedicated for at least 25 years. Dad getting some early Alzheimers and is co-dependent enabling her, and ALSO fighting with her constantly.

It costs about $800 dollars to visit my parents round trip, I live far away. I have to live with them when there. The house is decaying, dark, difficult to breathe due to smell and mold.

The papers are high, the mice are there. They BOTH refuse maintenance. They BOTH refuse assistance. Mom was hiding Dad’s “evil” medications, including insulin.

The house is so COLD in winter I could not change my clothes and the pipes were frozen. Dad lies on a bare mattress, he had lice.

Their minivan is poorly maintained and riddled with bullet holes (they are the only whites and they get targeted).

Adult Protective Services will do NOTHING until…what? Until someone dies? They are useless. I had to physically restrain Mom with a bear hug to try to get a contractor to look at some home repairs…he refused to do the home repairs for any amount of money.

They refuse roofing, siding, electric, heater, etc. I can’t let this continue, but there is no option for me. GUARDIANSHIP?

Can I do it living so far away?

I would like to let them live in the place they want to live, and near the grandkids that they raised for my brother (single dad with cancer). I have no help and no support.

Anyone tried guardianship? Is it hard to get guardianship when they DON’T WANT it?

I am afraid they will squander the remaining money they have fighting me in court. Please help with advice.

Has anyone done guardianship from out of state???

The grandkids can’t help?

Do they have a medical proxy listed? If not, it would go to their closest family member. You need to get them declared mentally incompetent by a judge. After that you will be able to put them in a facility that is equipped to help them. My neighbor was placed in a home by her nephew, who was her closest relative. He lived far away, but we went to visit her all the time, so she had company. She definitely did not want to go. He was a lawyer, so he knew how to go about getting her declared incompetent. A lawyer would probably help you.

Oh, I wish the grandkids would help, though they are my brothers’ kids, not mine, so I can’t force them. I have to accept that for whatever reason, some people are unwilling or unable to be much help. People tend to cut themselves off from my parents, because they are difficult to be around. Even I have to steel myself to answer their phone calls, since I know it will be painful.

Why do we try to rescue those who don’t want to be rescued?

The Karpman triangle assumes that people are merely in conflict. It does not account for the fact that people have lost their ability to think rationally and are a grave risk to themselves and others. I can assure you that my parents, were they in their right minds, would be horrified at what is happening and would insist upon intervention.

Sounds like the key phrase here. You might want to ask yourself three questions:

  1. Is it actually possible to get through to them? (Or not?)

  2. Am I actually responsible to rescue people who don’t want to be rescued?

  3. Would I try to save these people if they were not the parents to whom I am attached by dint of socialization according to cultural rules? (Rules that may be functional for most of society, but not when psychosis is involved?)

I had four therapists in a row explain to me that my parents were plain crazy, and that I exposed myself to their contagion every time I exposed myself to them. I refused to listen until the last one asked,

“Why are you doing time for the crimes they committed?”

Maybe you could get them declared “incapacitated” rather than incompetent. That might facilitate your getting guardianship.

First of all, thank you for giving a damn, people on those conditions need someone that cares. I have sz and I also lived with my grandmother who had alzheimer’s and it can be hell when it hits certain point. So be prepared for a quick incapacitated parent. I’m sorry for pointing that out, but it is the truth.

The best way would be for you to try and get them declared mentally incompetent like @cj9556 suggested.

I am not going to lie, my parents have caused a lot of pain. The only reason I am in a position to help them is because I do live so far away, and I made another life. But…they did not intend it. They are very loving, just mentally ill. I feel like They did not ask to be ill, just like I did not ask to be in pain. Like a baby who throws up all over you, they just can’t help it.

The highest form of evolution is the ability to manage ambiguity and conflict. (Paraphrased from Freud, Maslow and Erikson.) I salute your integrity.