Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How can hey organized,let go of resentment,feel connected and not feel burnt out


#1

Hello I am new to the forum and I hope that me writing and responding people help me understand and get through this.it’s now been a little over A year and a half since my fiancé or 14 years with two children with him he had his major breakdown. We were at Johnny Rockets at the Silverton Casino in Las Vegas when my fiancé chukar two children three and four years old pick them up and started walking away with them while we’re getting ready to order I didn’t know what he was doing so I followed him and noticed he was on the phone,he thought I was trying to kill him.he was simultaneousl calling his dad and 911 saying that I was having him followed by I believe at this time it was the Chinese cartel because he believed I was a prostitute and a drug runner earlier on he thought I was in the CIA.i was devastated there’s nothing more heartbreaking and overwhelming to see your fiancé believing that you could even hurt him at all he then left and went to live with his mother in another state.he also took one of our children I let him because he thought I was going to kill him to because he looks like him and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself looking at my child’s face reminding me of him.anyway year prior to that there was a lot of abuse mental abuse verbal abuse horrible things that he put me through I can’t even talk about right now that’s a whole Nother story there was drug testing thoughts that I was a prostitute slander written graffiti on my walls and dryer saying I was a #itch-#unt-##ore…he turned his whole family and MY FAMILY against me convincing them that I was cheating, he even had them convinced I was in the CIA,prostitute,and I could read minds,anyway there’s a lot more to the story I could probably write a book with the main thing is is I have decided to stay with him we have two children a three-year-old and four-year-old we stillhave a substantial business but because of this illness we took a hit got evicted out of her house lost our car and hours staying in extended-stay hotel all because of what happened I feel resentment I think I feel gypped I craved for his love and attention all these years and now he seems to be more loving at times but with all these problems I’m also still mad and hurt at the things he did to me,but he can’t answer for them because he doesn’t kno w or comprehend he believed all the stuff about me and was trying to save me he says but it felt to me he was just trying to prove that I was wrong and he was right and he told his parents things that should’ve never been discussed and betrayed me in that way, plus everything else has just pushed me from him, I feel numb and burnt out.I am responsible for about 90% of everything now my kids are going crazy because of how he acts sometimes so they’re always fighting and out-of-control we have no help here we have no family where we are living, and I can’t get organized or seem to get a daily schedule going for my kids.all I do is yell anymore (it feels like that)what can I do I feel so lost and out of place I don’t feel like myself I used to be so positive how can I get it together and feel connected with him again and be a good mom for my three and four-year-old boys someone please give me some over the top advice.i don’t want to feel lost.i love my family


#2

A very difficult situation, so understandable that you are feeling the way you do. I would strongly suggest you not leave your children with him at the present time though, especially if he has been physically abusive in the past. I know you care for your fiance, but your children are helpless and must be your first concern, especially as they are so young. Your fiance sounds as though he is having some psychosis, although only a professional is best to decide that. Have you discussed with him seeking help? It’s as simple as taking him into an emergency room if he is. If not, then you need to distance yourself and the children so that you can settle them whilst you take care of the situation. You said you do not have family close by, and it sounds like they’re not seeing your side of the story even if they were close by. The next step is to seek out professionals that can be of help. NAMI may be a good first point of contact.
www.nami.org


#3

Hmm… I’m dxed with sz personally so that’s where I’m coming from.

Here’s what I believe:

Hmm… See this is not and unresolvable issue. He actually can get better and maybe even recover fully. However it won’t happen on its own and it’ll take an exaggerated amount of work and effort. And in my opinion, it won’t be worth it. It will take like five or more years to get him back to normal and a lot of extra work. Simply put, I don’t think the rewards merit this course of action, and too much damage has been done already. Plus the kids are going insane too. Think about where you will be 5 years from now if you spend all that energy helping him and it may or may not work. Plus, he just destroyed your family support as well and may continue to do so over the next few years.

I would most definitely “kick him to the curb” so to speak and forget about him and make personal ammends with your family and your kids if possible. I would cut him out like the cancer he is, only with the faint hope that he may come back to you in a few years after he sorts his problems out on his own. If he comes back later in a sane mind I would welcome him back with open arms and forgiveness.

These transgressions are inexcusable even for someone that is mentally ill.


#4

I would also like to add that just because he has schizophrenia and you do not have schizophrenia does not automatically put you into a position in which you are able to help him or cure him to be more precise.


#5

Abuse isn’t part of the illness. The paranoid thoughts about you being in the CIA, a drug runner, the prostitute thing might fall under the same tree but I’m not sure has NOTHING to do with the illness. I have a boyfriend and sometimes my brain freaks out and tells me he doesn’t love me, he’s cheating on me, and he only wants me so I can support him.

Part of this may be my personality but when I found “compromising” texts on his phone I left. I just left. I didn’t hit him, insult him, or anything like that. I just left. But I freaked out that he had used emoticons. :smile: <- those things. When I calmed down and reread the texts I realized there was nothing compromising about them. Now I might find yelling acceptable but never violence or degrading insults. Especially if I’m not in a paranoid state. I agree with SnowyOwl1. Cut him out like the cancer he is. There is NO excuse for abuse.


#6

Wow thank you guys for your advice this is the first time I’ve been on the forum and it’s nice to hear some advice.someone said I should have him admitted but I think it will do more damage than good