Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How can my husband help me?


#1

I am currently suffering really badly from negative symptoms - feel dead and numb and without the will to move my body much. Everything feels an effort, like walking through mud sucking me down. I went off haloperidol because I thought it was the cause but after two days I still feel bad so its probably the symptoms. So I started on my Solian again because it helped me, and I have to ask the pdoc to put me back on it.
Anyway, here is the problem - my husband doesn’t know what to do when I am like this, he complains I just want to sleep all day, when in fact I don’t but don’t have the will to move and do something. He feels helpless. The worst thing is he has epilepsy so cant drive himself to go shopping or to the beach, he relies on me to go out, so if I am ill then nothing gets done. it puts a lot of pressure on me and he suffers more than someone who has their own interests and can go out on their own. I can’t afford to be sick like this I have to get up for his sake, otherwise I make him depressed and then he sleeps too. If I cause him to go down then I hate myself and am tempted to cut myself to punish myself, so its important that I stay well for his sake to care for him. What do we do? How can he help me when I am down, and how can he help himself to not go down with me?
Thanks in advance to all who can help me on this one…


#2

I don’t know if I can give you any practical advise. I know that sometimes I will motivate myself to do things by having little pacts with myself. No more internet until I start or do the dishes. So I start the dishes. While I’m up doing the dishes I will tell myself to tidy the living room as I’m already up. Making the bed and getting dressed are things I do even if I can stay in my pajamas all day. Sometimes my son will ask why I’m getting a little dressed up. Because I want to, it feels good.

Maybe try giving yourself a pep talk. Not doing anything isn’t helping you to feel better so what harm could it do to try. Make lists of the things that you do do, no matter how small, and be proud of them. If there is a certain type of tea or something that you really like than make a pact with yourself to sit and have a cup after you have done “_____”.

Try not to think off all the reasons not to do something but instead try to focus on one reason why you should do it. What the sun will feel like at the beach today. That small item you added to the shopping list just because.

I have not suffered from negative symptoms in the sense that you guys do however I do know what it is like to be clinically depressed and I think sometimes we need to give ourselves that little push start. Know that you are worth the effort. Don’t just do it for your husband but for yourself as well. You deserve to feel the sun on your face.


#3

I’ve been thinking on this one for a while. I come back and re-read and try and think of what my sis did when I was in the deeps of negative symptom.

First things first… getting food in the house. Is there a way you can drive and sit in the car while he goes in and does the rest? I can bet that getting up and getting ready to navigate a store might be something your not up for. But if your husband can’t drive… something has to happen.

So what if you drive and then hang in the car and don’t have to worry about all that the store is.

My sis would really work at just getting me up for a walk. It didn’t have to be a long, just some movement so my muscles still worked. I usually found that once I was outside I felt better. That is when she would talk to me too. When I was sitting in bed, I would never hear her. But during my walk, it was easier to listen.

I notice in your post you have a LOT going on. You’re going through a med change, a house move, a car exam, and getting a book published.

Have you told your doc you’re going through all this? They might be able to find a way to help with the meds

I do hope you feel better and I’m rooting for you during this hectic time.