How do I get hubs hospitalized without being arrested?

Family
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We had a great few months, the Depakote seemed to be working on hubs violent outburst really well. Of course his bizarre thinking, hearing voices, and paranoia continued, as he refuses any other meds cuz he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong (he KNOWS he’s fine and he wishes I would know what he does and maybe I’ll live forever with him. Whatever. I’m not reacting to him anymore and it’s causing alot less strife at home. And his paranoia has increased alot (EVERYTHING is against him. He believes that everything and everybody in the world does everything specifically against him personally - like when we go to get gas. Gas prices r raised just for us. When we get gas, they r then lowered afterwards. We’re trying to buy a house right now. Everyone involved is out to rip him off - the realtor, the sellers, the inspectors, everyone. And the price is just for us. After we buy it, the price will drop. Its fdriving me nuts)

Anyway, this past week, his violent outburst r back, just out of the blue. I was sitting in my recliner (we’re temporarily living in our RV in our sons driveway while we look for a home to buy) on the laptop when he flew out of his chair and started yelling at me, saying super bizarre stuff about my “computer” (he believes everyone has a computer running them and they have either negative or positive programs, mostly negative) telling him what to do and a ton of other bizarre stuff I cant even remember now. Totally crazy stuff that made no sense. Then he went outside and my son and DIL went out to see what the commotion was and he started yelling at them (he usually only shows his outbursts to me). I didn’t react. At all. Normally I would argue with him, cry, try to rationalize. That never works. Not reacting worked better, nothing changed but it was over quicker. He did say he wanted to kill himself. I came super close to calling the police but then I thought "No, he has to work tomorrow and I don’t want to risk his job, as thats the only thing that keeps him semi-sane (when he works, he’s “normal”. Staying busy literally keeps him sane). I know thats a stupid reason to not call for help but I didn’t think he was t true risk. A couple of nites later, he lept out of bed at 2am, yelling about how the computer was making him old (thats a biggy for him, getting old and his computer was making him look old and wrinkled) and he yelled for about 20 mins and finally got in his car and took a drive for about 30 mins (I was worried sick the entire time) and came back much much better). He’s had smaller outbursts everyday. I’m trying to keep him even, giving him positve attention, trying to redirect his attention if I see he’s about ready to go off the deep end, not reacting if he does go off.

Every single day his bizarre thoughts and paranoia seem to get worse. And the Depakote isn’t working for that, at all. He refuses all other meds. His psych appt is the 17th nd he’ll be totally normal for it. I wish the anosognosia would allow a small window of time of understanding so that he would actually see whats happening and try a medicaion. But he thinks theres nothing wrong and theres something wrong with the rest of the world for nt believing in what he believes. I just dont get it.

Anyway, after that long novel, my actual ?: If it happens again, as I’m sure it will, how do I get him help (like hospitalization) without getting hi arrested? And if I call the police, and they come out, do they take his word or mine? If he threatens to kill himself and I call someone and they come out, if he tells them hes fine and I’m lying, do they take his work? Becuz if that happens, that will be World War 3 - if I call the police on him and he doesn’t get any help. I’m scared to call the police. I’m scared that #1 he’ll be arrested. I don’t want him arrested. and #2 he’ll lie and it will come back to me and it won’t be pretty to live with him aftter the police leave.

I appreciate all of ur knowledge. Hope everyone is doing well!

Marci

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summary: see doc, med change

he must agree for help

it could go ether way, they might take you both

probably

unless you are financially independent, just leave till he cools off, see doc

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Hi Marci , sorry you are going through this , i know how tough it is ,Do you live in the US ? if so , i would get advice from a CIT officer as they are knowledgable on MI and they may guide you and even baker act him , if not try and reach out to Nami and get some advice from them . Also never argue with his delusions , always better if you can kind of walk away in another room or ignore them and usually his tantrum shouldn’t last long if you know what i mean .

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HI Linda,

Yes, I live in Wa State. Not sure what a CIT officer is and how I get ahold of them? No clue what a Baker Act is? And I am learning not to react to him anymore. He’s been in almost constant psychosis for more than a week now. He went back to work today (he’s much better when he works but I’m a little worried, as he’s never been this bad before) and he works tomorrow (he works when he wants to and takes off days as he pleases). When he’s blaming me for everything that he’s going thru, I’m watching tv or on my laptop. Yesterday I went and got a massage and did a little shopping. I was gone 3 hrs and it was glorious. When I got home, he said “I need ur help putting the closet door back on”. We’re currently living in our RV in my sons driveway while we look for a home (we sold our So Ca house in the Fall and move North to be closer to our 2 grandsons) and apparently he slammed the closet door (with a full length mirror) and it broke off the hinges. Luckily the mirror didn’t break. He’s been slamming every door he can. LAst week he thru my little Magic Bullet and broke it. Its a month old.

How do I get ahold of a CIT officer and what is an MI? I appreciate ur help!

Marci

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Hi ,MI short for mental illness . CIT is a crisis intervention team (police mental health collaborative program) if you call 911 you could ask for a cit officer or call 211 ask for mobile crisis intervention services , CIT officers are trained to deal with MI and they understand delusions etc … so they deal with them much better than a regular officer would and can lead them to the hospital . Only a police officer can baker act ( meaning providing an individual with emergency services and temporary detention for mental health evaluation and treatment either voluntary or involuntary . Basically if they see your loved one needs help and you tell them he has said he wants to kill himslef then they would take him to the hospital involuntary . I would call them and tell them your situation . In the hospital they would give him meds which he IS NOT ALLOWED to refuse , if he refuses then they will inject him by force and he should get better . The quicker he gets his meds the quicker he should get better . He is suffering with you , he is scared and needs to be in hospital . you should call them and get advise . Also you should call NAMI (national alliance on mental health ) 5615883477 . They are very helpful , you could cal them first and get advise but im sure they will tell you the same thing . Good luck , i know its hard and keep doing things for yourself to keep you sane !

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At Nami they talk alot about how difficult “dual diagnosis treatment” is . You had mention that he huffs and he also drinks ( as I recall) along with being sz. The sz med cant work when they have other chemicals interferring . Maybe you could tell his dr. ( in private ) about his intake .
He cant arrest him or anything like that but at least the Dr would have the whole picture and would know what he his truley working with. The Drs cant do their jobs if the patients arent being honest.

  • send the dr .an email before the visit and let him know everything that is going on and make sure he knows to keep it on the downlow .
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I will say, and depending on your circumstance, be very careful going behind the back of a violent pissed off SZ. It could be your last… Ask me how I know… dead caregivers dont post here… as far as I know lol…

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correct move, learn it, live it…

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I agree, there’s an important distinction here that some may miss. It’s important to listen and not react, but not ignore what’s said.

There are various reasons for that, first the information is diagnostic. Small changes or escalations can indicate the person under your care is getting worse or better or new symptoms have manifested. Second sufferers tend to get mad if you aren’t getting their story right when you’re forced into situations where you are asked to comment or react. You can delay for a while, but sometimes you get put on the spot. Third, mental health workers or police may find this information useful if they are called in. They may not ask for it and may not be able to share information due to privacy laws or work rules, but you aren’t required to follow these rules. Notes or a diary may be helpful here, and may support commitment efforts or provide leads if your loved one goes missing.

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So sorry things have been worsening, @Marfar77.

Do you know what it is about Depakote that makes it more acceptable to your husband than alternative medications?

I am asking because, depending on how he is viewing things, you might be able to persuade him (and hs psychiatrist) to try him on one of the atypical psychotics that also targets depression and bipolar (i.e. Abilify, Vraylar, Rexulti).

My husband was willing to give Abilify a try a number of years ago because his doctor presented it quite truthfully as something to “help with your depression and I’m not going to lie to you, it does some other things as well”. Because my husband was endorsing depression (and I had persuaded him to see his PCP and get an antidepressant previously), this worked for him.

It’s important not to lie, but emphasizing certain aspects of a medication that might help with the psychotic symptoms while also helping with things he is more able to see as an issue (such as whatever persuaded him to try the Depakote) can be useful.

I think things got more complicated for the doctor once my husband had to discontinue Abilify due to side effects and then relapsed. At this point, I believe the doctor felt that it was important to emphasize to my husband that he would be taking an antipsychotic. This, understandably, was a lot less acceptable to him, and it took a full court press from his family as well as myself to persuade him to try it.

He has been taking Vraylar for nearly seven weeks now, and it is definitely helping. I could tell it was working within four days by the way he interacted with me at home and within 1-2 weeks it was pretty clear to me that his auditory/visual hallucinations had decreased quite a bit. He is still paranoid and doesn’t like to leave the house much but he is less paranoid than he was. He still believes he is being monitored but he says he thinks the monitoring is less intense than it was. He is much less irritable and his mood is much better.

Impossible to know if Abilify/Vraylar/Rexulti will help your husband but all of them have mood stabilizing properties (like Depakote) so perhaps he is persuadable.

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Have you ever used any other social resources?

You are practically homeless.

Each time I go for psychiatric treatment I get ask 3 questions.

Are you
-suicidal?
-homeless?
-without food?

I answer no all the time.

But, this leads me to believe there is help for people experiencing hardships.

Each time…my doctor asks me. Who drove you here? Are you good to drive?

Most importantly…I am always told. If you are feeling overwhelmed and do not have support at home …you can always go check yourself in to the hospital.

Each week…someone calls me from the hospital to ask me these questions.

It is a bit suffocating…but, do they ask everyone these questions at their appointments?

I just worry for you in such a small RV space…living with someone having violent outbursts.

If what we have is a brain disorder…then we can be that much more unpredictable…during high stress times.

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Not sure what state you’re in. I’m in SC. Here it takes 3 family members to agree and sign documentation to have him committed involuntarily. He/She has no choice. They will come get him and take him to a facility. Good luck and God Bless.

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Here in Florida, we no longer have individual CIT officers but they send all officers through a crash course for two weeks and consider them “qualified”. If they are a danger to themselves or to you, you can call 911 to have them Baker Acted or if you’re willing to go the Marchman Act route, they can hold him longer than the Baker Act for substance abuse. You can also check with your county/city mental health department and see what it takes to take out an ex parte order. You will need a witness and they will send it over for a judge to sign off on. Then when he goes off the deep end again, you call the police and tell them that an ex parte order is on file (I don’t remember how long they’re good for) and they’ll come out to pick him up.

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Ok, tyvm. I will look into this.