Yes, of course you post helps. I am thankful for everyone who posts. I am gaining understanding. And, some hope.
I am closer to acceptance of my daughter, as she is, then I thought possible. If I don’t try to change her, don’t demand of her, it DOES go better. Seems weird to accept that she talks/laughs/yells alone in her room for hours, and rarely speaks to me more than a minute at a time. Seems weird to accept being lonely while living with my daughter for 2 years (ill); more lonely than when she lived on her own the prior 10 years (well). Yet, if I just see her a minute a day to give her dinner, it goes way, way better than the recent past when I daily nagged her about work, or doctors, or eating, or sleeping, or whatever I nagged her about, knocking on her door and demanding she speak to me.
Right now, It’s almost a peaceful existence in my house finally, except for when her loud speech awakens me at night from a sound sleep, and my heart starts beating so strongly I can’t return to sleep for hours. I haven’t quite gotten over being scared when weird behavior happens. I hate feeling scared. She’s never willingly hurt me, but still I am occasionally scared, and embarrassed by that about myself.