So sorry to hear this, bless your heart
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These are such traumatic events that must be excruciating to have witnessed, been part of, and to remember. There is so much ‘residual’ trauma to all those who are touched by the losses of this illness. Please consider getting a good psychologist to share these memories, and your wishes, and hopes. The compassion that you relate in your story is a strength of yours. Others could learn and grow from such compassion. It is so rare for people with schizophrenia to hurt others. i am so sorry that you have lost your brother, family and I hope that you get the support you need to move toward a life of peace and trustworthy relationships.
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Both of my son’s siblings have undergone tremendous trauma, just like you describe. Almost 5 years after the first symptoms of their brother, they are in counseling. As parents, sometimes, we are so completely wrapped up in the ill child that we do not notice what the other children are experiencing. It is hugely traumatic. Get counseling, and then get some more, and then get some more. There are so many layers to what this does to a family. Your brother, if he is not, can do better - the medications aren’t perfect but many have achieved relief from voices and hallucinations. There are many factors at play - grief, guilt, fear, blame, exhaustion, - it takes a toll but I am here to tell you - it need not destroy your family. You can heal, you can accept, you can become stronger and better! You can! Little steps - a kind word or gesture, a card, a note, a sign of appreciation - if you have to be the change in your family don’t give up! Families are worth it! They are our base, our strength, our first loves - your family can survive this. Stay in the forum and try to find other siblings to talk to. I wish my kids would, but I don’t think they are up to it right now. I wish you peace! Look upon your ill brother with love - he is doing his best each day, that I can assure you. Good and positive will bring more good and positive.
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Call your local help hotline! They can give you immediate compassion and a listening ear. They can also direct you to long term counseling. Don’t give up!
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