Just overall, I think a LOT of 18 year olds struggle with selecting what we would consider appropriate clothing!
I’m 37 and I have to show ID when buying tobacco (18 years) or beer (20 years) to my husband. Maybe I don’t dress as my age either. I usually wear jeans and a hoodie. Also I’m crew cut. Makes me look like a 15 years old boy. Haha
Heck, today I am looking at my manager’s attire and thinking, “What were you THINKING?!?!?!?”
Hi Barbie,
There are limitations for the usefulness of PR for sure! Another problem is the immediate rewards are always way more reinforcing than delayed rewards (think about how hard it is to diet for example). And I think that is a big influence here too. She has a great deal of trouble surrounding impulsivity, and instant gratification-I don’t know if that is typical of all sz or if that is part of the mood component-but I know she didn’t used to have that problem so I do believe it’s related to her illness. Maybe the parts of the brain involved in her illness tie into the reward center of the brain somehow…DK but it’s one of our hurtles.
I LOVE your reward coupon idea, because you are using immediate reinforcement (the coupons) with delayed reinforcement (what the coupons get him). I have also stretched out the reinforcement schedule (it’s called a fixed-interval reinforcement schedule for anyone who is interesting in behaviorism). It worked really well for my daughter in many regards. Still, when I finally phase out the rewards entirely, the behavior mostly falls apart. May be I should look at another schedule of reinforcement-that one was so practical…
Comatose-I couldn’t agree with you more about working with my daughter’s limitations and also practicing self care. One thing I have gotten much better at is asking for help when I need it!
Valleypenne-I also agree that there are a lot of normal, 18 year old issues at play in our everyday lives, sometimes they get exasperated by her illness, but they are typical young-adult issues. The thing that concerns me is not that she wants to dress in ways that are more showy than I like (totally normal young person-older person hang up), it’s that the lack of the ability to think through why she can’t wear certain things at certain times, and in what ways they are not okay. I have tried to evaluate the situation objectively, and I have come to the conclusion she is just not thinking critically about the situation, and I don’t know if she can. Would she show up to a interview with cleavage showing, unwashed hair, and too much make up on? I think she totally would, and not even understand why she shouldn’t or what is too much or not enough-if you know what I mean. I don’t understand that disconnect…
^^ we are all non-judgemental here. So should you need anything, just tell me, okay? ^^
welcome to the site…i hope you find answers and comfort here