Involuntarily committing my father today for the 3rd time this year. Why do I still feel so guilty everytime?


#1

My dad has been in a week long severe scizto episode, hasnt eaten in days or left the house. Half shaved his head in random spots, Completely delusional, truly believes there was just a nuclear war and that he was the man that was in the CIA planes that saved the world. Claims he’s going to Texas to claim his military credential awards. (Only served one year in air force working on planes in 70s) hes trashed the house, left the tub and showered running, locked himself out of his bedroom and they apparently have been overflowing for two days. Broken glass everywhere windows popped out in various rooms. This is the 4th time I’m sitting hours in court for hours on end to get a court order (illinois is not easy to do so). I know he needs this help and will hate me for doing this, but its for the best, yet every time I feel so guilty and awful and like I betrayed him for doing it. I also know he’ll spend 2 weeks in a crap facility, even though he’s got great health coverage, and get out and be just great for 3 monrhs, and in 4-6 months we do this all over again. When does it end? I’m the only person my dad has in his life so everything falls on me, sitting in court, dealing with lawyers, cleaning up the wreckage of the house he has destroyed everytime, trying to get all his bills he has ignored for the last month while being in his psychosis…I’m so done with this.


#2

I’m so sorry. I understand, not with my father but with my son, in the very beginning it was like what you’re going through. I remember coming home to every one of his bedroom windows being busted out and all the furniture piled up in the middle of the room amongst other things. Please forgive yourself. Your wise mind knows you’re doing the right thing for now.

Just as a suggestion, maybe you could contact a social worker from the facility he is in and see if he can go into a fully supportive living situation. He would have his own apartment and also have people checking on his well being all the time. While he might not like it at first. It would certainly help you to have help with him and maybe eventually he could see the good in not living in the destructive roller coaster of his illness. In addition it would create a potentially less stressful environment with less responsibility which is better for anyone who is mentally ill, whether they know it or not. Again, my heart goes out to you in the difficult situation you’re in. I wish you and your father the best outcome going forward.

(PS: As far as “why” you or any of us feel guilty for doing the things we do to get help for our loved ones, I think it is because we realize on a subconscious level that this is not the way things ultimately should be in life, it goes against our core, the very heart of our sensibilities, but what other choices are there in this day and age? We do the best we can with what we know at any given time…and we do it with love. Your father is fortunate to have you, please don’t forget to care yourself, the first chance you get.):two_hearts:


#3

Its very easy to feel guilty when doing this. It helped me to think about what would want if the tables were turned and I was the one too sick to help myself. I would absolutely want my family to help by committing me - so there was a limit to how bad I would feel.


#4

@ToastyPants I’m sorry you are going through this, but I’m glad your Dad will get some help. Would it be possible to get the court to order your father to stay on the medication for a little while. Perhaps a monthly shot would work. Hang in there! You are doing the right thing.


#5

The revolving door of involuntary commitment really sucks. Have you contacted a NAMI in your area? One of the great takeaways from their Family-to-Family program is you learn about different scenarios and options by others who have been exactly where you are right now. These folks can be a really great support system when you are in crisis. I highly suggest contacting them. This link is for the Illinois locations: https://www.nami.org/Local-NAMI?state=IL

Feelings of guilt and betrayal are natural but it almost takes a mindset of detachment to get through the processes you are having to face. You are doing right by your dad and he is so lucky to have you. He is psychotic, fearful, a danger to himself, and needs to get out from the revolving door of involuntary commitments and get some better long-term solutions. Please reach out to someone who can help you (NAMI, therapist, social worker). You sound amazingly strong and resilient.

Please keep us posted. We’re here for you…


#6

I’m really sorry to read how much he is struggling.
I know you’re working yourself to the bone to try to help him!
He is definitely lucky to have you in his life. He clearly doesn’t understand the pain he is putting you through, even if due to his own torment.
I really hope he will let you show him how hard you’ve worked to get him a sense of security and a better quality of life. I definitely know some of the frustration of watching a DX’d person choose suffering over treatment.
Please try to take care of yourself, too.


#7

I am so sorry to hear about you and your father’s situation. I do not know the state law of Illinois, but while your father is involuntarily hospitalized, could you let the hospital know that your father is not able to return to his home and care for himself? Would it be possible for him to be placed in a group home where he would comply to his medications? Also, if your father were to have a setback, the group home could probably get him to go back to the hospital. Possibly, a case worker would be assigned to your father in a group home, too. The case worker would check on your father to see that his needs are met. Is your father receiving SSDI (social security and disability benefits)? This would cover his costs at a group home. Wishing you the best. Take care.


#8

I am sorry that you are going through this. My wife and I have gone through involuntary commitment with our daughter on several occasions. She is now 35, and was diagnosed with SZ a couple of years ago. We watched our daughter go from a very caring young lady into someone that we no longer knew. She is now on medication that helps her somewhat, but is still not the person we once knew. Thank goodness she was finally approved for disability, which she should have been on years ago. There is very little help for the mentally ill in my state especially if the person is not on disability. Please don’t feel guilty for having your Dad committed. Sometimes that is the only option you have. I will be praying for you.