My husband and I decided to tell people, but only after they had gotten to know him. Not everyone feels comfortable enough to do that. For people I don’t care to tell, I say that he has a brain disorder, or a neurological condition, and then rattle off some of the non scary symptoms, memory loss, lack of concentration, anxiety, lack of motivation…. I know the label sounds scary, but really there is life after diagnosis.
I also tell people that he’s only a danger to their refrigerator 
Ain’t that the truth!!!
Yeah, and then he runs the risk of taking a long nap on your couch.
Hi! Your post is inspirational–thank you! It’s been 6 long years since my now 26-year-old, awesome son was diagnosed with SZ. He lives in a nice group home with 4 others like himself & a couple lives there with them–a nurse & her hubby–great people who are now a part of our family. My son is now med compliant & stable. My concern is that he doesn’t want to do anything. We (mom & dad) both work full-time & we bring our son home on Friday’s for weekends & we invite our tribe (fam & friends) over each Sunday for dinner for love & support for him. I know my son is capable of so much more. He used to be an artist, taught himself guitar, excelled in martial arts, & taught himself Japanese. All this seems dormant now & he shows no interest in anything. I’m seriously thinking about taking a leave from my job to try & get him out & about. I recently attended a workshop & all the speakers were recovered from SZ & other mental illnesses. It was so inspirational!!! This program is a speakers bureau for the mentally challenged to educate the masses & eradicate stigma attached to mental illness. As one speaker said, “…you’re afraid of me & you’re supposed to be normal–what’s you’re problem?” I mentioned it to my son & asked him if he’d like to attend a peer-to-peer gathering–he said no. One of the workshop speakers told me not to give him that choice–just take him or she’d take him to a meeting. My hubby is concerned if we took that route that it might set him off–valid point, but I fear more that he’ll continue his current path living as a shut-in. I mentioned to my son I want to take a graphic arts class at a local college & wanted him to attend with me–he said he’d think about it! This gives me hope! My hubby isn’t too thrilled about me leaving my job (finances) but my heart & soul aches for my son & I truly believe if I had the time to get him out excercising & taking a class (me by his side) that it’ll give him the confidence he desperately needs to live a fulfilling life without us guiding him–I won’t live forever.
HI! First let me say your son is quite accomplished! I’m very impressed! It’s also nice your son can live in a group home. I went with my son to look at one run by our local mental health agency. It was decided that it wasn’t a good fit for him. He also didn’t like the idea of very limited privacy. At the moment he is only managing to go to work, once he gets home he stays in his room. To be fair though, the restaurant where he worked just closed their doors. It was a perfect fit for him because management was very understanding, he really liked it there. He just started a new job and I can see in his eyes that he may be starting a downward spiral. He’s just so stressed out by this new job. I told him he doesn’t have to stay and can quit if he doesn’t feel comfortable there. I think knowing he doesn’t have to stay there makes it easier for him.
I’m not working at this time either. Though I do need to be, squeaking by on one income is getting very old. I would give that one some hard thought! Have you thought about a short leave? Ask HR if FMLA would cover that for you.
I am not sure why someone would tell you to just take your son to a meeting. You really can’t force anyone into something. Try talking to him about what he could get out of it, and ask why it’s something he doesn’t want to try. But I don’t think he will get anything out of it if he is forced to go. My own son tried therapy for a few months, and then just quit going. He really wasn’t using the tools they were trying to give him, so it really wasn’t going anywhere. He won’t even consider a peer to peer group. If he’s not open to it now then maybe he will be later.
I hope someone sees your post , and can give you better ideas to get your son involved in some activity. It’s good he comes home on the weekend! You both sound like you care very much for your child, and that is some of the best medicine!
Let me know if you two end up taking the class together!
Amy, thank you for your reply --I so appreciate it! I believe your son totally rocks by trying to work & putting himself out there- -that is a huge accomplishment! I plan to discuss with my boss my taking the summer off–FMLA may be the way to go. My son has his nights & days mixed up. I so want to help him help himself. My heart says I have to try. If it doesn’t work out at least I know I tried? It’s always a fine line–is this about my son or about me or both ? I’ve always been one to put my heart & finger to the wind. My hubby is the total opposite although we do compliment each other in this way. Thank you again for taking the time to reply. I wish you & your son much love & hope on this journey. Lori aka OH mom
My son had his days and nights mixed up too for awhile, nothing like having your son pacing the house at night to keep you awake… If you are near Columbus I would highly recommend Dublin Springs Hospital for any crisis problems. I had to take FMLA off my last 2 months of work (I work for the schools) and it was a huge help. I was just overwhelmed and an emotional wreck trying to figure out to do. He would post things on his facebook page that he was rolling down the stairs backwards with the dog etc and everyone would send me texts at work, I was having to leave work in a panic. If you can take off work for now that would help a lot. The more you get things under control the easier it will get but I would say if this is all new , there will be lot to deal with in the coming weeks. There were times my son scared me and I had to leave the house. So don’t become the only person that tells him what he needs to do.
Hi Deidra: It’s so surreal with what we must deal with while our loved ones are in the throes of a psychotic break. We couldn’t make this sh*t up if we tried! It’s amazing what unconditional love & support can do. Thank you for your support. I really need all insight about leaving my job. I spoke to my son at more length about taking a graphic arts class. I’m hopeful that he’ll take the class with me. He was in his 2nd year in art college when he became I’ll & hasn’t touched art ever since. I pray his art pilot light gets turned on again. Baby steps. Thank you. Love & Light to you & yours. OH Mom Lori
I turned 180 when I ended up in a hospital, and got the heck out of there.
Many parents seem not to be able to understand why their son or daughter may choose to live on the streets rather than receive family assistance. It is because the family assistance is often 100% conditional.
The victim is forced to accept the idea that their thoughts, no matter what they are, are ALL to be seen as worthless thoughts that exist within nothing but a delusional mind. To accept assistance, it is demanded that one must accept the idea that it is a must that you will be spoken down to at times to such an insulting measure, that it is as though your human value is now far less than the value of a discarded rag doll. This idea that you now are to be perceived as being a no-one, a nothing, a robot that is to be constantly remotely controlled by “others”, etc, just doesn’t seem acceptable to many a victim.
When you are in trouble, you fight back. This requires the functioning of a certain part of the mind. When I ended up in a hospital, the meds they gave me shut down this defensive part of the mind, and did so to such a degree that the trouble at hand then became a super super super extremely extended trouble at hand. Of course telling the doctors this had no effect at all, since as far as they were concerned, my words, and the words of any so called “Schizophrenic”, were words of no value.
Thus I got the heck out of the hospital ASAP.
Hi Jayster! Thank you for sharing your insight about being diagnosed as a SZ. I get it. Your right about being stripped of your thoughts & dignity as a person. I want my son to know he’s not a victim but a survivor. It sucks that he has to take meds to function but it’s no different from cancer, diabetes or any other disease. What would you like for those who don’t or can’t understand you to say? What can they do to help? What is your insight on this? Lori
I remember being afraid to tell people of our son’s diagnosis, and I was very careful who I told it to. When I did the majority of people knew someone close with mental illness. That shocked me that they could understand what I feared they would not. Locate those people who will give you support while you give your son support. It takes almost as long for we parents to accept as it does for the patient. I also discovered he didn’t like feeling like a patient. We needed to treat him as a person not always asking how he was doing. He spoke little. It’s baby steps and it improves even when you think it can’t. Our son actually quit drinking and drugs, but we never thought that would happen. There’s so much work that only they can do and we suffer as we watch. Peace to all who post and support. You are in our prayers as they each have their own different path and time table.
This sounds like our son who lives away from us but only about six blocks. That arrangement works but he won’t do anything. When he answers, I’ll think about it, it’s actually something to get me/us off his back. Hope that your son will respond more. This is most difficult since he was working after the diagnosis but had some bad experiences trying another job and didn’t give it the time it deserved. Wonder and have concern but I still attend Al-Anon to help me. Worry is so hard to deal with and I constantly work at re-focusing myself because he needs to really want to do something. So I check with the docs and the meds seem to make him more drowsy when they adjust, and that frustrates the heck out of me. I’m left feeling helpless but not hopeless. Someday there will be a better drug, I keep telling myself, and it needs to be soon and not take forever for the trials.
I agree with this. When my son was in his first hospital he told the staff he knew vietnamese and would practice it. They thought he was just being weird and didn’t believe him. The nurses never believed him and would relay to me that he was not making sense in the unit. It was a terrible hospital. A move to a newer hospital one made a huge difference. As a parent sometimes we have to trust what the Drs. are telling us to do because we just don’t know what else to do.
My nineteen year old son was just diagnosed a month ago. My jaw drops everytime I read these posts because so many of the stories are identical to mine. My son refuses meds and I’ve seen what trying to force him does and I won’t go that route anymore. I just want so badly for him to give them a try but I’ll be patient. I’ve had to leave my job because he can’t be alone for very long. Leaves stoves on, doors open, that sort of stuff. These forums make me feel hopeful. 
I felt the same way. It’s amazing when you decide to trust one person by confiding in them and then they say “oh yeah, I have a son/friend/cousin/mother who has that”.
@OHIOmom Also @INTROBC
Dear Lori,
I’m thinking it was the post by INTROBC that caught your attention such that you asked me for my input.
While you have my attention, however, I do have comments. First, it is common for schizophrenics to reverse night and day. I do not know why. Personally, I like to sleep in the day and be up and night. I understand that many schizophrenics work as cab drivers and prostitutes, and one of the reasons, I believe, is the time of day one works in those professions.
Sometimes in schizophrenia one talks about the “positive” symptoms and the “negative” symptoms of the disease. The “positive” symptoms are things present that are not desired such as hallucinaitons and delusions, and the “negative” symptoms are things missing that are desired. It is common for schizophrenics to be missing in normal curiosity and motivation and sex interest, for example.
Sometimes after schizophrenia starts, a person has the same interests as before the illness, but not always. For example, when I was young, I liked to play chess. But after I developed schizophrenia, playing chess caused me anxiety.
Good wishes,
Jayster