Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Need Encouragement

#23

Could request a NAMI to be started in your area? Also I have set up a uber/lyft app for my son on his phone. He uses that once in a while… it’s worth it. I am very lucky to have a very supporting husband; I honestly don’t know how I could do it alone! Also, if you have friends that offer to help, LET THEM HELP. My one friend will take my son places he wants to go… get cigarettes, etc. I make my son pay them $10. Our goal is to make our son as independent as possible. We all went to a therapist to help with this. It did help… We are all in this together… our kids/etc didn’t ask for this horrific disease, and either did we. I get a massage once a month… I deserve it!

#24

Taking care of someone’s needs is difficult. There are so many things under the column of “have to get done and have to get done at a specific time”. There is a lot in your life that you probably can’t really change or put off. NAMI near me never returns calls and has been cumbersome to work with. With all that being said here is how I have managed a difficult situation - You say that many days you don’t feel like you’re enough. You are. You are in the right place, at the right time, doing the right things. Let go of mentally draining thoughts. Have faith that you and your son are where you need to be. Let go of anything that you can let go of - I don’t know what that might be - if there is a way to get help at work. Is there a way through your son’s insurance for him to get medical transportation? My last thought would be to try to change the way you think about things. There is no right or wrong way to think about your situation, there is only the way that makes it easier for you to survive with. It sounds counterintuitive and counter productive, but it can be a great survival tool. I WORK at turning situations into positives and to have positive self talk. Why not? I tell myself I can do it, I’m where I need to be at the time I need to be there, it will work out. This isn’t crazy. Our peace must come from inside and not from outer circumstances or we will not make it. This is our hand - these are our cards. Look for small victories and celebrate them. you are a hero. Your son - I believe this - I believe these souls, before birth, chose a difficult path for their own spiritual growth or perhaps for our spiritual growth. They are true heroes. They help us learn patience, unconditional love, advocacy beyond what we ever thought we had in us, research and learning and knowledge that we didn’t think we were up to the task for. I will pray for you and your son and wish you the best. You got this and you are super everyday! Please also know that despite my feelings I have railed against life and God and everyone around me. I have cried and felt hopeless. But I’ve gotten this far. I’ve gotten through times I thought would kill me. These are some strategies I have learned help me. I hope they help you.

4 Likes
#25

Thank you for this reminder… it is so easy to be hard on myself and to doubt myself… but yet…even if I feel I am unable…God is able! Something I constantly remind myself.

#26

Thanks - I added this to my file for when I’m having a hard time. I try to tell turn situations into positives as well.

1 Like
#27

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your words and insights. You have no idea how much they mean to me.

#28

I am glad to hear my words helped. We are a group that is somewhat in the shadows. People don’t talk openly about mental illness. People don’t know what to say when we talk about what we go through. We have to cling to each other. Prayers to you and your loved ones.

1 Like
#29

Mamakaye - I think we can all sympathize with what you’re going through. I am not single, but I might as well be. My husband does not help; if anything, he makes situations worse. He is bipolar and tends to overreact to 99% of all situations. He is a yeller and starts to yell when he feels stressed. Of course, I have told him many, many times, this is the worst thing he can do around our son since then his voices start to yell and he can’t differentiate who is yelling. He doesn’t stop w/ the yelling. Perhaps he’s unable to. It’s like a train barreling downhill and the brakes have gone out. The next day, he feels terrible, apologizes for the 1 millionth time and buys my son a guilt gift. This time it was an electronic keyboard. He doesn’t apologize to me and rarely do I get a guilt gift. In relation to NAMI, I went to one meeting, didn’t find it extremely helpful and my time is incredibly valuable. I work full time, take care of everything in the house, grocery shop, pick up Rx’s, take our son to most of his appts., etc. If something is not totally beneficial, I don’t do it. Period. If someone, family or not, isn’t supportive or understanding of my son, I cut them out of our lives. I don’t need to have to coddle them in addition to everything else I have going on. My mother is on that list. She never made any attempt to get to know my boys (even when they were little, way before my son’s illness reared its ugly head), so now, I don’t want or need her in my life. If this sounds cold, she sucked as a mother (used drugs my entire childhood), so she deserves no place in my already difficult life. I completely understand your mental fatigue and stress. I do love my job for the most part; however, one of my coworkers left about a month ago and left many, many things undone when she left. Guess who got to absorb all the unfinished or never started tasks? That’s right…me. On top of everything else, my son has been sick for over two weeks with frequent, daily vomiting. Two ER trips, waste of time. He has blood in his vomit. He vomits so violently that he gets a bloody nose. Because of his appearance, I guess that is off putting to medical people and think “drug addict here to try to get pain meds.” So all that’s been accomplished is scheduling him for an upper endoscopy but not till 4/12. He can’t hold anything down, has blood in his stool too. But no one seems to give a damn. I’ve exhausted all possibilities. I’ve messaged his regular doctor repeatedly and she is at a loss. They did a CAT scan at the first ER. Second ER, his bloodwork came back normal, so they said there is no infection. Okay, but he is still sick, DO SOMETHING. They gave us an Rx for Promethazine gel that you rub on your wrists. That is it. Sorry, I know I’m rambling, ranting here. But I feel helpless and scared. What do you do when the medical people seriously don’t want to help???