@Margi - I’m so sorry you are going through this and that your son is having a rough time. Does he live close by? How do you think he will do with the roofer? I was very nervous having people over to fix things when my son was not medicated. Deep breaths (easy to say). I think I just get at a point where I’m like f - it and it’s his life there’s only so much I can do. I’m sorry we are all going through this. My son said he will stop the shot when it’s not court ordered. I asked him what if you get paranoid again? He said I won’t. Sigh.
My son also said that all those paranoid thoughts won’t come back because there’s nothing wrong with him I just can’t talk to him at all he just starts raging. Can you get your court order renewed. If so make sure the paper work is done properly. The reason the lawyer got the cto revoked was because the dr. Didn’t give my son a copy of the sighned document. Do you believe that the illness never came in question. Even though he hss been in the hospital 3 times. The police came and it didn’t go well. They tazered him and he was all brused up. I can’t do this again. I also feel like you. I hope your son will see that he has an illness and decide to stay on the injection. I don’t think my son will ever see that.
My son told his doctor and I that he does not need medication and he will take that to the grave with him. The doctor said they can’t keep him on court ordered meds forever. The court order stays until he is deemed competent for court. Could be a few more months or more. He lives with me so if it gets bad again, I’ll put him back in the hospital. I remember the story about the tazzering. What would happen if you just left him alone? Is he able to pay his bills and get food?
My son said he would rather die then take that poison. I don’t know if he could manage on his own I don’t think so I look after all his bills. I haven’t heard from him in 2 days. He’s not returning my messages. He said that I just want to control him. This sickness is the worst thing that can happen to your child.
Margi, I agree, there is nothing worse that can happen to our children. Without brains that work properly, our children can’t protect themselves. It’s so dangerous. Who will protect them when we’re gone?
Yes daybybay I worry all the time when I’m gone my son will be all alone what will become of him .
I still don’t know how to add to my story. What I mean is that I am truly computer illiterate. Not sure where my add on will be in this stream but I wanted to update everyone. So my son Alex has been in the psych hospital intermittently since May 28th. Last incarceration was from august 6th until yesterday. Yesterday we took him out and he went to a transitional house. The house is very nice and the people that are there to chaperone are also nice. His room is nice, plenty of food, freedom and a covered porch to smoke his brains out. I left him yesterday at 5pm. I could see the anxiety in his face but of course that was to be expected. I picked him up today at 1pm to take him to an intake appointment for a new Pdoc and aftercare place, and he was mumbling to himself. My heart broke. It’s the first time I’ve seen him talk to himself in weeks. I asked him if he was alright and he didn’t answer. After the intake, I took him to Starbucks and we had a cafe late. I knew he was to quiet, but I was very gingerly talking to him about nothing. I asked him if he wanted to come home for dinner and I’d bring him back to his room later. I told him his dad would like that. He replied, " you mean the father!". I knew then that he was getting sick again very quickly. He then said, well can I go to hooligans and drink a nonalcoholic beer. I said no, I’m bringing you back to your room and I’ll have your dad pick you up when he is done work and you can come over for dinner. We did this. He ate a good dinner, (which he usually doesn’t) and could answer talk a little better than he could earlier. I asked him if he drank any beer, and he said he did have a non alcoholic beer. I said nothing more. I called the social worker at the hospital and told her what was going on. She has become a friend of mine after seeing her everyday for 4 months, and she truly cares about my son as does the Pdoc who was taking care of him for the past 4 months. She called the transitional housing and they told her he never slept last night. He was pacing the floors and was on the porch most of then night smoking. My husband took him back to the transitional house an hour ago and I poured myself a drink and I am feeling so dad. Please God, let it be that the move is just overwhelming to him along with a lot of stimulation and he will be able to balance himself and be okay. Just needed people to tell that will understand. God bless all of you who read this and your loved ones too. Robin
We have each other to offer support. Like you said, it helps if you can reach out to people who are in similar situations. I hope your son can settle into his living situation. It sounds like a nice place to “have to stay”. Much better than being incarcerated.
Take care AnnieNorCal
So much has been going on with your son and of course, you are so concerned! It sounds like there are a lot of people involved that care about him. And that he is glad to be around you. Each person and situation is different, but it might be good to let him settle in to the transitional home without your family presence. You could call daily just to see how he is doing. You might seek advice from the Pdoc or the home about what the recommend. Also, perhaps they will want to adjust meds to counter anxiety. I know you want him to stay out of the hospital. You had said “incarcerated” but I think you just meant that he had been hospitalized, is that correct? Yes, I will pray for things to balance out for him!
You might be right, maybe we should not go visit him everyday and give him some space to try and figure things out. Yes, he was hospitalized, not incarcerated. It was he with his funny wit that had me calling it incarcerated. Thanks hope4us and AnnieNorCal for responding. It does help me. Robin
Just sitting here reading these and my heart is hurting for all of you. I have been thru most of these situations since my son was diagnosed - the raging, the impossibility of having maintenance done on the house, the statements that bring on the realization that he is getting sick again, the repeated hospitalizations, the struggles over things my son wants but really shouldn’t have such as alcohol or energy drinks, the unsettling stress of placement into care homes - been there, done it all.
I hope for improvement for all of you and your families.
At FtF they said all changes can stress them out and worsen their symptoms. Good changes and bad changes. One of my son’s worst episodes occurred the day after he moved out of our house into our garage apartment. He basically moved 30 yards.
I did like @hope4us suggestion that maybe he needs room and time to settle into his new housing. Nursing homes have the same advice when people with dementia arrive. They want the families to stay away for a while. It did work with my husband’s parents. We stayed away for the first two weeks as was recommend and just called the desk people to check on them during that time. When we started visiting after the two weeks they had friends and were comfortable with the routine. I hope he stabilizes without having to go back into the hospital.
Any kind of change—even if it’s a seemingly positive one—can be stressful for sz patients. And unfortunately stress equals symptoms in sz. That was certainly the case w my paranoid sz ex husband. Even a long weekend was enough to throw him off balance.
I think your son needs time to adjust. I wouldn’t stop the daily visits unless he asks you to. The day is long when you are not able to work. Your visits are likely the highlight of his day.
I think it’s beautiful that you and your husband show so much care for your son. So many times, sz patients have to navigate their world alone.
Robin, my son can get moody when going through transitions. I hope once your son gets used to his new normal that he is able to settle in and feel more comfortable. He’s been through a lot - you all have. Thanks for the update. Hang in there
I think you’re on the right teack with giving him some space to settle and feel out how his own lifestyle and choices effect his overall quality of life. He won’t have anyone else to blame for his mood, or his choices. Not rationally, anyway.
My DX’d brother tried living with my mom for a long time. It didn’t help him beyond having a safe place to hide away from the world.
He moved in with my dad and things were even more stressful for him.
He moved in with me and things seemed okay at first, but I quickly became another source of stress for him. After another emergency room visit and finally ending up committed to a clinic, I did a lot of reflection on why his lifestyle became worse after all of the really excellent plans we had made before moving in together.
I realized that he was agreeable only to shorten conversations about medication, therapy and participating in society. That he probably saw me as a source of judgement and stress. That he excused his poor habits as a roommate by that stress. He couldn’t hold himself accountable for his lifestyle and his choices because I was always present to clean up the mess and put things right in my home and in his life.
As a family, we decided to move him into his own apartment. He took this a rejection, as if he had failed again to be a housemate. I assured him otherwise. That it was due to the physical evidence that living with me was not helping him gain control over his life.
On his own, he struggled for a while. But he did reach some very important realizations:
- His lifestyle effects his mood and his quality of life more than anything else.
- He expects more responsibility out of himself than he actually gets most days.
- He actually does want to participate in society. To have friends, a job, and a relationship.
- Stuff he wants costs more money than he makes on disability.
My conversations with him remained mostly philosophical, or related to TV or videogames for a while (I call those ‘zaney’ topics, because they are disorganized and fueled mostly by mood rather than contemplation, like a cartoon). But he occasionally had real world conversations about his wants and his needs.
I consistently discouraged philosophy and discussion about TV or videogames while encouraging talk about his own real life events and his needs.
I still had to come rescue him from his symptoms at a phonecall of “Maybe I need you to pick me up so I can be away from my place. I don’t feel right.”
The last time I picked him up, he was clearly suffering from a textbook ‘thought insertion’ delusion combined with a ‘delusion of grandure’. But he questioned his delusions, asked for my input and that of my girlfriend. We suggested he go ahead and take his night time meds and try to get to sleep.
When he woke up, his delusions weren’t so convincing anymore and he started asking about options for outpatient therapy. I helped him look up some places online and we called our mom (his offical guardian, liason to medical decisions, and financial guarentor).
He has been doing relatively well for about the past month or so since.
Leading up to this point has been a rollercoaster, as everyone here can imagine. I am fairly sure SzA has a few more curveballs to throw for him and for the family. But moving him into his own apartment and giving him freedom to pick his lifestyle independently seems to have been a good decision.
I hope things work out for you and your family, or that they happen even better than they did for us.
Keep lines of communication open.
Call a few times a week, but no more than once a day.
Be ready to swoop in for a rescue, but try to give space.
Start conversations with asking how they’re doing, follow with how you are doing (albeit breifly, conversation can be challenging for the DX’d). Finally ask about medication and symptoms. Close with reassurance that you’re there if they need you, or by making a plan to give them a hand if they mentioned any issues they want help with.
Occasionally invite him to your house for lunch or dinner. Make sure he knows you enjoy his company and think highly of him.
Those are the things that helped my brother, according to him.
We can understand. Those who don’t know mental illness have a very hard time understanding what it feels like for us to see this happen to our child. They can feel so much sympathy if your child has cancer. But society in general do not get it and won’t. Not in our childrens’ lifetime You’re right to worry about grandchildren. It’s more genetic than they used to think. I knew my cousin had schizophrenia (has I mean. She’s still living) and knew back in 1976 that it’s genetic. But I thought My cousin’s schizophrenia was too far away from my future children know what I mean? In my family it seems to skip a generation. We’re here for you. I’m not in this forum often enough. I need to check back more often. And I plan to.
My heart is broken still, just as raw as ever. It’s been almost six years of heartbreak
Thank you, your insight has really helped me. My son is doing better, and is living at a transitional housing. It is hard on him to be away from me. Actually as I type he just texted me and told me he was on a bus to my house. This is okay, because he is doing so much better. He still has some delusions and when he doesn’t get his way he shuts down. We’ll let him eat dinner with us and then take him back to his room/house. Your brother is so lucky to have a sibling like you, as is my son to have a brother and sister who are there for him too. Robin
I understand completely. Most of my extended family just doesn’t get it. My biological father and brother both had mental illness. I wasn’t raised by my biological father and only met him a few times in my life (my mother said she couldn’t be with him because he was nuts) and I never got to meet my biological brother. Unfortunately they both died in their early 40’s. Anyone that say’s mental illness is not hereditary doesn’t have a clue.