Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

New here: my own disease, and where does one draw the line with the delusions?

Hi there! Thank you for being there! :heart: This journey with a loved one with Schizophrenia can be quite tricky…
My son was born in 1989, diagnosed for the first time in 2010 :frowning: and since then it has been a rollercoaster of medication, no- medication, jail, hospitalizations, etc. You know the drill! He flatly refuses to take medications and self-medicates his anxiety with Marihuana. His viewpoint is that all of us are sick. He is fine. (“I am not sick, I do not need help” from Xavier Amador, to a T!!)

He has a good Health support team and a Non Profit offers him some home support too. Still, of course he manages to get in trouble, we take turns and intervene, etc.

His main delusion became more and more complex with the years but basically he met a girl in North America, fell in love, and developed an erotomanic delusion. Today (7 years later) he believes that girl had twin kids and hid the fact from him and put them in closed adoption. He keeps seeing them all over the city (in Europe) because they were adopted into Austrian families. The nannies (that is always it is a different face!) keep taunting him and showing the kids to him, appearing with the kid wherever he goes… He sees them frequently and they look at him knowingly: he is their dad! And “a father knows”, no one can tell him those kids are not his!!

Now, this story is heartbreaking for all of us in the family not least because it has the sideline that we knew all that and never helped him in his immense pain of being parted from his kids, never defended him, etc. although we have financial resources to do so… We are cruel, heartless and do not love him.

Once in a while he denounces one of us to the police, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary for this disease. :frowning:
I learned SO MUCH through this journey, and the main take home for me was understanding and acknowledging my own disease of codependence: how I want to control him, manage him and his life, etc… But he is on his own journey and I need to accept that!

Today, we meet up and have civilized conversations in which I do not deny his reality and acknowledge the pain he is feeling. That works until he goes on a rant but usually we can have some peace when we met (I live in another country, so I do not see him all the time)

I am writing today with a question, because in the spirit of supporting him whenever and wherever I can I try to answer always his emails and be empathetic, but today he sent me a form for Canada to find out whether there is a birth certificate for the kids this poor girl supposedly gave birth to…(poor girl because the harassment never stopped :sleepy:).

I am not sure how to follow up to that… My selfish interest is to keep the relationship! I want to hear from him! My rational thoughts and learnings tell me: do not feed the delusion.
And one totally irrational part of me thinks that it would be a good thing to get papers that says “these kids never existed” so he can move in another direction, but since I know he will explain it away (they paid the judge, look how deep the conspiracy goes, etc.), I am pretty sure I am deluding myself…
Anyone has any suggestion for this? I look forward to reading you and helping you in any way I can with the stuff I have been learning myself through the years since this nightmare started… :frowning:

Thank you so much!
Maria from Toronto

Fill it out, send it back, no big deal…

1 Like

I’d say whatever you do the outcome will be the same. You’re right about the explaining it away and deep conspiracy. Did the girl end up having to get a restraining order? I know that happens a lot! You might as well do the paperwork. It won’t lead anywhere, but maybe buy you some time. Not sure what to tell you! When they refuse to be med compliant it’s like beating a dead horse!

@Maria_Pelufo Thank you for sharing…you have a wealth of experience and gained wisdom. What does your son want you to do with the Canadian form? What does it have to do with you?

@hope4us, thank you for your kind words… My son hopes to find proof of the existance (birth) of his imaginary children, so he is asking me to fill out a form requiesting a birth certificate, that supposedly the kids´ mother obtained when they were “born”. The mother is in Canada, the kids were supposedly born there. He is in Austria. It is easy for me to file that form, for him it would be very difficult. So, I can decide to help him or not. Other people suggested “do it” since it cannot hurt to have some paperwork proving that these children never existed, perhaps for a time in which he is medicated (one an hope!!!).

Yes @Dudley, the girl did have to get a restraining order. And he went to jail, and got deported!