I think I am finally noticing some type of pattern to my husband’s outbursts. I am hoping if I can see a definite pattern or something somewhat recognizable I may be able to quell or avoid the volatility not just for my sake but for him…there has to be some sort of recognition that this is a frequent exhausting cycle and maybe a glimpse of why?
So here is what I see… let me know if maybe you have found some similarities or something behaviorly I can look for. Please.
Isolation
Confusion
Panic
Projection
Rage
Retreat
Confusion again
A form of guilt…recognizing the reaction I have as wrong but not recognizing that his reactivity provoked my reaction…usually fear
Denial
Isolation again
For me, I learn that it was never productive trying to set the records right when my child is sad and angry that I or mum has treated her badly. Instead minimize the discussion just disagree and move on. What works is facilitating and removing things that stress my daughter, e.g. looking for her wallet, phone, keeping extra travel card, helping deal with infringement notices, etc. And when she wants to, talk about what she wants to do in school, and current events related to the past that made her happy. It’s tough in the early days and prayed god to give me strength. Never easy, hope you have better days ahead.
I am sorry, but there was never a pattern I could see to my daughter’s outbursts.
The best thing I could do was to try to remain calm when dealing with her when she was “not there” but obviously voicing some upset. Even now, after 3 years on meds, she reacts strangely to some things I say to her and I just say “I’m sorry.” and bite my tongue, even if I have no idea what I said that upset her.