Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Please God Keep Jay Safe For Another Week: A Mother’s Ritual



What a completely shit article. (No offense to you @firemonkey.)

There’s nothing about “Please keep Jay safe for another week”. It’s just a mother bitching about how clean her son’s apartment is. Her freaking ritual is to wash her clothes and take a bath after visiting him. Shitty, shitty article.


I did think if she was really concerned about the state of his place she’d take the initiative in arranging for a cleaner to come in. Agree it seemed to be more about her, but perhaps a reflection that parents can have issues that impact on their ability to provide care and support.


Whoah, yes, a bit upsetting, that. Maybe cleaning is beneath her, but a lot of mothers would put on some old clothes and at least clear up the trash in the kitchen. I’ve lost count of the number of times I have cleaned my son’s place. It’s true it has never got as bad as she describes, but maybe that’s precisely because I clean it without commenting. If my son protests out of embarrassment, I just point out that I like housework and lots of mums help their adult kids with housework. So, over the years my son has actually got much better at doing his housework because he knows he prefers the place clean and tidy now.


I consider doing cleaning at my son’s place as a way to set an example. As I have continued to do it, he is getting better at doing the things himself. I think he just feels lost trying to figure out what to do, but after seeing me do things enough times - wipe the counter, load and unload the dishwasher, put dirty clothes in the hamper, hang up clean clothes - he likes the result and tries to do things that way too.


What @Hatty and @valleypenne said…

I’ve re-read the article and couldn’t figure out what about it was making it stick in my head in an icky way. I couldn’t tell what was putting the son in emanate danger.

When I was shut down and locked in wax build-up my Mom and my sis would clean my place with me. I admit… they were faster then I was… but I tried. I needed their nudge to get going.

When I started getting out of the negative… it started to embarrass the pieces out of me that they would do this. But my Mom still helped me. Little by little I learned to keep the mess from piling up.

Sometimes I slip and it gets out of hand, my sis helps. But now… cleaning Tuesday and Thursday night is part of the routine. A really messy place starts to make me twitchy. My ADHD starts to get out of hand if there are too many little piles of projects sitting around. It can have me running in circles.


I’m sure your family members feel good to see you doing what you can to keep your life in order. My son and I chuckle over his daily emptying of his pockets of ‘pocket litter’. He is starting to recognize that taking care of things regularly turns out to be easier than letting it get to a state that seems insurmountable.