Hello @DFL88 and welcome to the forum. This is one place where you will find people who understand what you are going through and who can perhaps offer advice, but for sure can offer compassion.
My daughter had her first hospitalization in her early 30s and the diagnosis was unspecified psychosis. I found out later that often a psychiatrist will not diagnose schizophrenia or related schizo-affective until the patient has shown clear long term symptoms for over 6 months including hallucinations (usually voices) and delusions (often aimed at family members). It is now three years later, and yes, she was diagnosed with sz during her 3rd hospital visit of 5 (all have been forced). Three to four sets of medicine didn’t work to alleviate voices or delusions, but the 4th and 5th hospitalizations found a medicine that stopped almost all symptoms (an older anti-psychotic). It is not a surprise to me that your wife was not diagnosed with sz during the first hospitalization.
You will find, if you read stories here, that often the delusions center on a family member or members, and especially a family member who is providing or trying to provide close support. My daughter was quite delusional about my husband for years, calling the police on him numerous times. It is common to be suspicious of food and medicine being administered. It is common to not be able to see their own illness (60% or more of those afflicted) and that is called anosognosia. I consider anosognosia the REAL curse of mental illness as it prevents the person from accepting help.
The laws protect those with mental illness, and if she won’t allow you to be in on her care, there is little you can do. My daughter won’t allow her doctors to speak to me, but as taught in NAMI classes, I make sure to communicate to them. They will accept information. I have called her providers and have faxed information to them about her behaviors and what meds worked. When she got arrested, I went to see the judge both times to let the judge know there was untreated mental illness. This past time, the judge ordered she be medicated and released her ROR, which is the ONLY reason she visited the clinic for her 2nd long acting shot. I have no idea right now if she will get her 3rd, as her court case is over (I haven’t told her that, and I don’t know if the sheriff’s office told her).
If you know what hospital your wife is in, and since her psychologist reached out to you, I would start with making sure the hospital and psychologist have a written record from you of your wife’s symptoms. You could attempt to visit her, and if she won’t see you, the nurses may talk to you and offer advice. My faxes start with “In case this patient is in your care, please pass this to the doctors…” When I didn’t know what hospital she was in, I sent it to all three in this area.
The system does not help family members, but the people involved often care a lot (doctors and nurses will read the information) and you can continue to write letters to your wife while in the hospital asking for her to allow you to see her or speak to her doctors. My daughter acted calm and cool in the hospital until I tried to visit her, then the nurse in the waiting room observed her escalation into delusion while speaking to me. It helped them to see her that way.
I am very sorry this is happening to you.
It reminds me that I need to get advanced directives done for myself and my loved ones who are not ill, so that this “privacy” problem doesn’t stop those involved from helping in the future, if and when, something arises calling for intervention in treatment.
It is likely that your wife isn’t allowing her own family to help in her care either, not just you… and most likely her family doesn’t understand schizophrenia.
Come back here and read, that education and support helped me tremendously.