Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Restraining order...how did it come to this?

#1

I don’t know how things got so crazy. I don’t know why I couldn’t get help for him this time like I did in the past. I tried to have my husband evaluated a week and a half ago to no avail: they wouldn’t pick him up even though I told them I felt threatened by him and he had physical contact with me as well. They came to the house, listened to me for five minutes; asked him the usual questions and left without taking him to the hospital. Why? Because he put on a show for them and nothing I said mattered. He continued to threaten me throughout the week, wouldn’t let me leave the house with my son by ourselves, told me I would regret it if I didn’t let him use the car. He was confrontational with me about everything, like literally terrorizing me.
Yesterday, I worked later hours as I always do on Fridays and I wouldn’t let him use the car (he disappeared for over 12 hours the day before). When I came home, i found out from my son that my husband had wiped my sons phone of all his contacts. Now, there is no reason for this other than paranoia. My son has not done anything for us to think he shouldn’t be talking to certain people and frankly, it is not the way we would have handled it if there was an issue. I confronted my husband about this and he charged me to the point I fell over, screaming at the top of his lungs. He continued doing this during the night and even throwing things at me as well. He threw out clothes and other stuff that belonged to me and my son, which is par for the course during most of his psychotic episodes. He also threw out his own cell phone which he probably thinks people were tracking him on. He was accumulating weapons in the house, pipes, hammers, and a buck knife. When he threw something at me last night, that was when i knew something had to be done. My son and I couldn’t stay in that apartment another minute with his violent behavior. I honestly don’t know what he was going to do next, so I called the psychiatric team again. I told them everything and that I was in fear for my life so they sent the Police to my home.
The Officer told me there was nothing he can do as he will not go to the hospital willing with the Police. He told me I can file an emergency restraining order to get him out of the house and that is what I did. I was in the Police station for about an hour and a half and during this time, the psychiatric team called me and told me that they would send someone to the house and try to get him to the hospital.
I waited out in the parking lot of my complex until they took him out. He was calling the Police all sorts of names and being very aggressive. It ended up that they took him to the hospital to be evaluated and he now has a temporary restraining order against him blocking him from contact with me and my son. I go to court soon for a permanent restraining order.
I have noticed that his aggressiveness and violent threats have been getting worse towards me with every psychotic episode. The last time he was committed, he reached for something in a cabinet while I was standing at the counter cutting something. He opened the cabinet with such force that had I not moved my head, he would have elbowed me right in the face and I know it was on purpose. He reached an all new low that day and now this…
My son was such a rock. He is 13 years old and all he did was try to comfort me and tell me I was doing the right thing with removing his father from the house. The poor kid has seen so much…too much for his age.

#2

Hi Ginger, I’m so sorry your family is going through this. You absolutely did the right thing. It’s awful that you had to do it, but thank God that is an option.

If this happened to me, I would try to find counseling for myself or talk to a social worker to see how to manage the situation of no communication with my child’s father. There has to be a way to protect you both and work through this over a long period of time.

Best to you. What you did was so hard; I hope you can get some real rest and start to feel safe again.

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#3

Hi Ginger,
You did what you had to do, for everyone’s safety. I took a restraining order out on my husband after a violent episode. At first it was temporary, then permanent. Eventually I went to court to have it removed after we had separated so we could talk on the phone.

Don’t underestimate the trauma you have been through. Take this time to take care of yourself :rose:

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#4

No one should ever feel unsafe in their own home, you did the right thing from what I can tell. I am so sorry you and your son are experiencing this right now. I hope you are able to find some peace now that he is in the hospital.

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#5

Hi Jan. I know in past posts you had told me you were from Jersey. I have a court date in a few weeks to make the restraining order permanent. Can you tell me what to expect? I am nervous as hell in thinking they won’t grant me the order. Do I need a lawyer? What If they don’t grant me the restraining order, then what? Am I forced to allow him back in my home?

#6

Don’t be nervous. It was a while ago, but I remember most of it. You definitely don’t need a lawyer. You will have to tell your reasons for wanting to make it permanent in front of a Grand Jury. Sounds scary, but it’s not. It’s just you, no lawyers, seated in front of the jury. They can ask questions.

In retrospect,it was kinda cool. Now I know what they are referring to on the news when they mention Grand Jury testimony.

That’s it. NJ is very forward thinking in domestic violence cases, which I’m assuming your situation will fall under. They will give you the permanent RO.

At the time, I lived in Monmouth County so I had to go to the Freehold Court House.

#7

Hi Jan. Thanks for the input…I feel a little better. I guess making a list of everything over the last few years is in order so I don’t leave anything out. I was looking at the website for the county I live in and it says he will be there and be able to give his side of the story. He is in the hospital right now and I don’t know if he will be transported to the courthouse next week since it is not a criminal offense. My son said he will go with me as a witness and I told him If he doesn’t feel comfortable talking in front of his father then I told him he doesn’t have to. Although it would be helpful for him to testify, I don’t want to traumatize him more than he already is at this point. I do know that he is very afraid of his father coming back to the apartment. He said he feels things are getting worse with every psychotic episode and he fears for my life. So sad for him but he is taking it like a man…I couldn’t be more proud of him for how he is handling everything. I am going to seek counseling for him when this is over…I don’t want him to carry this with him for the rest of his life.

#8

Since it’s not mandatory, I doubt your husband will show up. Mine didn’t. People w sz tend to want to avoid interaction with law enforcement, courts, etc.

Be brave😀

#9

I got a restraining order on my husband in Florida. I didn’t know what to expect at the hearing, but it went very well. I am sure your will go well. If your son wants to testify, you can let the judge know that your son will speak if needed. You are doing the right thing to push for the restraining order. You tried your best to be there for your husband. I believe that only the correct meds will help him.

My daughter continues to do well on a monthly injection which started as a court order in December 2018. Before the injection, life was very very hard. Now, she is working, having conversations, being pretty normal. I thank God daily that the police and the judge did what they did, and I did too: testifying at her hearing.

I hope your life straightens out quickly and well. Protecting your son is the most important thing you can do, so he will grow up unafraid.