I have found that NAMI support meetings, their 12 week family to family course and this website have been the best places to find support. I set up a regular weekly amount that I give to my daughter (it’s very small since she lives with me) and I will take her shopping for food or buy it and give it to her myself. She lives with me, however, it is harder for you as your son has his own place. I don’t give her much money as she was buying alcohol with it, and that is bad for her based on behavior.
We have put my son on the hospital 3 times with each time the police had to come and get him the second time they ended up tazing him he was a real mess the cops broke down the bedroom door it was such a nightmere. The last time he was in the hospital we had him on comunity court order that he has to take the injection Invega he was doing quite well. Then he got this lawyer and cto was revoked nothing about his illness was even talked about. It was all about a technicality that the doctor didn’t give my son the paper. I am just getting so depressed and can’t seem to do anything .
I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. I don’t know what the laws are in the UK concerning involuntary commitment. Can he be forced into treatment? He needs to go back to supportive housing, and back on his meds. I am suggesting this only because I know from experience. We lost our daughter to mental illness about 10 years ago. She is now 35. Our hearts have been broken many times, but we have survived. We will not let our daughter live in our house anymore. With God’s help,and her medication she seems to be doing better. There is no way you can make your son take his meds. That is going to be up to him. He will not get back to a somewhat normal state of mind unless he does. Our daughter finally started taking her meds a few months ago, and it has made a world of difference. Please know that you are not alone in the situation you are in.
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I totally understand feeling depressed. I hope something can make you feel you have a direction to go in. I wish things were easier for you.
The “hatred” is the illness. He’s in there. Many of us have seen this and seen when our children emerge when the treatment kicks in. If there is any boundary or ultimatum you can implement it should be used, in a calm loving manner. Try to not let fear have its way. Early morning meditation can be a great help. And yes, being grateful can have a powerful effect. More than we might think. Self care is as important for him as it is for you. Never give up. Everyday engage with him even if he doesn’t respond. We are in this together even though miles apart. We are with you.
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Thank you for all your support and advice I just feel like I can’t cope anymore with this whole thing I just don’t know my son anymore and feel like I have lost him. We have always been so close. He was just the kindest lovable person would do and help anyone .
Yes, please try to find a NAMI Family Support Group and also take their Family-to-Family class if offered in your area. Best thing we have done. Also, it is important to set boundaries. When you say you are going to do something but don’t stick to it, you are not truly helping your loved one, or helping you. If you give the person whatever he asks for, is that something you are willing to continue for the rest of your life? People with SMI are typically very resilient. They still have intelligence. They are capable of making reasonable decisions. So if the money is disappearing and he really needs money, chances are he will learn to make better decisions. Sometimes people learn best the hard way. I know at least 3 persons with SZ who told me that they had to hit rock bottom (including jail) before they turned around and are now on medication and doing very well. Just as when your child was young, you established boundaries that you knew were for his best interest. When you control the money, you have a lot more chances of helping the person get the help he needs. If you have any leverage and communication/contact at all, and use the concept explained in the book “I Am Not Sick; I Don’t Need Help”, you stand a much greater chance of giving your loved one the help he needs. I know this is not easy, but it can be done.
@Margi That’s what I thought, I just wanted to make sure I had the right story. I think it is terrible that they didn’t take the MI issue into consideration when your son went to court. It sounds like it would be scary to call the police again in case they taser him. Is there a crisis team there you can talk to? It’s just so unsettling as once we call it’s in their hands. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Are you able to get out for walks? I find that being in nature really helps me out. Once I am there things kinda calm down internally. You may need to leave your son alone for a few days and not give him money. See what happens? (of course we fear the worst). How are things going today?
Hi All wanted to give you all an update on my son refusing to go back to supportive housing.Thankyou all for your imput .One month later and too many dramas to speak about he had gone back !!! This took my husband stress levels going through the roof and me loosing my cool with son …sorry my limit had been met …he left the house with a backpack that night didnt return home i was ready to inform the police and then rang incase he had turned up at his supportive housing …yip he had at 1am …hes been fine talking with them even joined in a Halloween lunch !!! Saw his new nurse but no contact with me …husband so unwell i cant think of son at minute Sending you all strength and remember this condition changes hourly so never give up …sleep it off look after you wait for the change it always happens even if it takes forever …
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This is good news indeed! Suddenly your son’s supportive housing looked pretty good to him;) brilliant, just brilliant.
Sometimes I think what keeps Jeb making it work away from home is that he desperately wants to NOT be here with us - a mixed blessing of sorts.
Excellent advice!
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