Tell us how you are today?


AnnieNorCal, would you be comfortable explaining a little more? Are you not able to go visit your daughters? I believe you are correct, the entire family’s needs have to be addressed.

When I feel overwhelmed, I try to do just one thing that I want to do, I don’t think about the other things, I just pick one thing that I can do and I go do it.

I’m sorry you are having an impossible day. Hope


Hello hope,
we live in a rural area, airports are about as far as driving to where you want to go. I have a grandson in southern california. I would live to go visit.
I can drive myself, just thought my husband would be more willing, since we are both retired and have all this time to do the things we have wanted to do. it a constant struggle with him and I don’t like rocking the boat.
since my son’s accident and his commitment, my life is very sad. I have a few things that bring me joy and my little grandson is a bright and shinny star, and it’s his birthday, which I have never gone to and want to go.
so this is the dilemma I have faced most of my life, if I do the things I want, my husband is reluctant or it seems to me it is a jealousy. he will take me, after i get upset, but there is always this unwilling participant, it just ruins it for me. I’m open to suggestions.


@AnnieNorCal - I would just go myself. But I like to do solo trips and have no problem doing them (within the states). My mother often took separate trips from my father as he did not like to fly (said he always got sick). Your husband may just like to stay home. Perhaps once you go solo he may want to join. As a fun thing to do (for me at least) you could stop at some of the missions on your way to see your grandson. You could light a candle for your family in each one you stop at. I’m not really religious but I love the CA missions.


I agree with @DianeR. Go without your husband. Tell him you plan to go; invite him and respect his answer.

Then, if he chooses go and is not fun to be around, concentrate on that shining star and your daughters.

I’m sorry to hear how sad your life has gotten. I have a friend whose retired mother and father even live in separate houses miles apart, but go on trips together and are still very married. Life takes us in many directions and sometimes time apart from a spouse is an okay path.

The sadness of your son’s illness and accident will be with you for a long time. I like your instinct to go somewhere joyful, a young child’s birthday party. This might touch into your sadness in some ways, but it’s alright to be sad and feel pain, just as it is alright to be happy and feel wonderful.


Annie, I am sorry to hear how difficult life is we have enough on our plate with our mentally ill children. Since your grandchild brings you joy. I would do what you can to either see or connect with him. Do you have FaceTime? That is the only way I communicate with my grandchildrensince they live out of state, and I would need someone to stay with my daughter. If you want to go to the Birthday, go. If you cannot drive yourself, and your husband is your only means of transportation, let him drive you, and change your perception. No matter what, he is just the driver, and your real goal is to see your grandson. Whatever you decide, i do hope you go, and know you will have a good time.


Thanks to you all for listening to my complaints. I know it’s not what this site is for so truly appreciate your thoughts
I want everyone to find some happiness.
Peace to you all


@AnnieNorCal, it’s exactly what this thread is for. We all need support and we all need to complain/vent sometimes. And we’re all here for each other:)


Hi AnnieNorCal, I think you should definetly go yourself to your grandsons bday, I also have a 2nd husband who never wants to do anything with my children even tho I am always excited to spend time with his children and his grandchildren. I admit I have gotten very hurt by his behavior and find it very unfair but I just think of it as one of his many issues. Go and enjoy yourself, you deserve it for sure. I don t have any grandchildren but most of my friends do and they say it is awesome.


Totally distracted by the goings-on in family put muscle cream on my toothbrush this morning. Good thing I noticed the minty freshness seemed off and picked up the tube to take a look. Son would say I would need to “recycle this event” and see what’s “really going on”. I think the “recycling” lately has left mom exhausted. :sleeping:


I think it looks good! In Michigan even the spring flowers are still not up. We keep having “mixed precipitation” (What we call snow in the spring time)


@Annie oCal, we are here to help each other as we navigate our lives. Every concern, question, thought is valid, in my humble opinion.

I hope you go to your grandson’s birthdsy, and have a glorious time.


Auggh!!! My distracted action has been to put the milk in the cabinet, or to grab the cat food when I meant to grab cereal.


@thereisalwayshope - Thanks for the laugh that was pretty good. When I was raising my son I would be driving to work and all of the sudden have to check to see if I had changed out of PJs.


Thank you! I think I am worrying them by worrying over them. So very sorry on mixed precipitation. They look a little better since our days have warmed up. I planted zinnia seeds, they are coming up, we shall see…


As much as I enjoy our seasons, I am jealous! I love zinnias. And hollyhocks. And gladiolas. Well, most all flowers. This weekend snow and ICE is forecast. Ugh. On a brighter note, the enjoyment of gardening is something I do share with my son. We have been talking about what we will be planting once winter really goes away.


I know exactly how you feel. I feel so bad that he has the life with this disease. Then I’ll get mad because he won’t own it and get help. But with his brain, can he really do that by himself.


Years ago we lived where you couldn’t see seasons, maybe its because I do work in my garden, but I can see the seasons here.

So wonderful that you share gardening with your son!


Maybe if you have a caregiver come once a week for an hour or 2 while you are there, she will get used to her. Then you could go away and not worry so much. I think it’s important to get a break. Lord knows we all deserve it.


I think there is a link. My son had a manic/ psychotic episode after 9 months of smoking weed. But he also used LSD. He had been smoking tobacco for years. But I think he was experiencing depression, and hid that. I suspect he already had a mild form of mental illness that the drugs made worse. He took them to self medicate.


@shallcro, yes. I need to try this. She wants me to go away for a few days, at least so she says. I am the one fearful. She is stable now. When I leave, it does impact her, and last time, it took almost a month for her to be stable. There is such a fine line as many of us know. Thanks.