Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

The afflicted affect us more than we influence them?!

I am still grieving my sister with hallucinations who became unreachable again (I hear about her not so good news from family members living with her but I’m still sad I cannot reach her myself)… and my brother in law with delusions (currently he’s staying with us for 3 more weeks), the things he keeps telling me and my husband daily are so horrible, he only remembers “the bad” and how we are all against them and everything we’ve done is wrong towards them and control them and make decisions for them, etc and somehow the arguments are convincing about our past mistakes dealing with them in such a way that I feel my marriage I think is gonna be over or dead somehow as long as they are unmedicated and refuse proper help, and they keep blaming us until we are emotionally drained, it’s affecting my husband’s health and our marriage, big time! I really thought it wouldn’t, I thought we were more resilient but it seems we have serious work to do if we want this to work.

I just needed to talk about it and return to this support group as I haven’t posted, sought your help, or contributed in a while…

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I am glad to hear from you, it has been awhile. I know your last visit with your sister wasn’t as successful as you wanted it to be, the grief this illness causes to caregivers is sooooooo tough. I am sorry that your marriage is strained.

Yes, of course, the afflicted affect us greatly. I think it is because most of those with the illness can’t tell they are ill, so to them, life is “normal” when it is anything but normal to us caregivers.

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@oldladyblue thank you for your words and for remembering me, I came back to my husband, he’s lost so much weight and looks like he doesn’t know how he can be happy again after he’s been taking care of his afflicted brother while I was away. I hope we can find ways to better our lives…

How is your daughter doing?

Of course I remember you! You have such a big heart and want to help out so badly, although the stress you face with your various ill family members is so high! I am very sorry that your husband has lost weight. Sigh.

Thank you for asking about my daughter. She has taken her shot voluntarily twice now. I still consider it a miracle in the way it helps her. She has a part time temporary job right now, it is the first time she’s been able to work since last June. She is still not capable of living on her own, or taking care of life’s many chores, however, she seems happy, is over her delusions, and I pray will continue to accept medicine and counseling.

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I totally understand where you are coming from. My son was just living with us for the past year and still has not gotten any professional help for his sz. Our whole family has been on a rollercoaster ride with no seat belts. I have a 12yr old daughter and 16yr old son who have experienced a lot over the past year. About a month ago our son had yet another serious psychotic episode, yet we still weren’t able to help him face his illness. He was scared, really scared, yet so delusional with anagnosia. We live in a rural area and I guess we just seem to have tolerated his extremely challenging behavior; probably more than we should have. It’s hard to call the police on your son, when he’s not physically dangerous( yet), he is so emotionally exhausting to live with. I’ve spent so many a night unable to sleep due to fear of what might happen to him or my family. His symptoms (positive and negative) have gotten worse over the past few years. A few times he seemed like he was getting closer to trusting us, then he would quickly shift back into being unapproachable. And he gets so angry when he doesn’t get his way, what he wants or if he is asked to do or not do something… no rules is his rule. He told my husband to get out of his room because he was trying to get the perfect ‘anarchy’ smell in his room for the past six hours. I had really hoped one of us could influence him to get the help he so desperately needs, but sadly we didn’t. Now he is back on the streets again:( It’s so sad, but I think I’m the only sad one. My kids are relieved he is gone and I really can’t blame them. My husband needs a break from the stress. ( so do I)

I’m glad to hear you only have three more weeks with your brother-in-law. Hang in there, all this stuff really challenges our health and our relationships; we need to try to keep things in perspective. I know I can only change myself, not my loved ones. Love, caring and empathy are all the good things we need to hold on to. I’m glad we have a place to share our experiences and support each other.

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@oldladyblue thank you for your kind response again, you are very sweet and caring and your support since I joined this forum has been amazing, thank you.

I am sorry I do apologize that I share things at the times of difficulties but I think that’s why we have each other and this support group, so we don’t share only the joyful moments but also the confusion that we might feel and encounter in dealing with caregiving and our life decisions around our afflicted loved ones.

I am so happy for you and your daughter, I wish her health and for your strength and the best of everything :heart_decoration:

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@govinda I am so sorry for what you are going through, I truly feel for you because my afflicted diagnosed sister is like a daughter to me, the way I love her (I don’t have children, my siblings are my concern). I really wish your&our afflicted loved ones find a way to insight and wanting medication in order to have less chaos in their lives and less ache for us/their families.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, I too believe in love, compassion and empathy.

Regarding my brother-in-law, it’s not only this 3 weeks, every year he stays with us 3-6 months and whenever he does, my husband puts him first (which I totally understand because I am emotional too and have concerns about my own afflicted sister) and as his brother appears to be more and more delusional (talking to himself outload too and fearing everyone outside the house), my husband does not pay attention to anything else and cannot do celebrations, no anniversaries, not even simple dinner out between my husband and I, which I feel is totally silly of me to demand but I ask myself if our afflicted siblings have a life long chronic dis-ease and absolutely against medicine, then can we work around it so we can help them when they need but while we also help ourselves live a semi-normal (maybe joyful) lives between us as a couple and as blessed healthy people… sigh. We shall get there, I hope.

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I too understand the desire for our loved one to accept that they need medication, something to help stop the mind from its endless turmoil. My son has seriously deteriorated mentally, there must be something that could help slow down the painful inner struggle he goes through every day. It’s almost like he has dementia yet he is such a young man. It is so heart breaking, but I can’t allow my mind to get too caught up in thinking about it. It is far too painful.

It must be a bit difficult to have your husband so willing to focus on his brother for that long. It is very kind of him to want to help. I always have to think about the big picture if I get into conversations with my son. He is good at manipulation, often looking to see what he can get from me. Usually when we get in a conversationsis it is very difficult on the rest of the family if they are around. He is often delusional and can talk on and on about far fetched topics. Unfortunately, he gets into street talk: drugs, government plots, paranoia, conspiracy theory. I can handle it a bit, but it is sooo draining to listen to. We start to get closer, then he turns me off and doesn’t talk to me, sometimes acts like I’m not even there and we are in the same room.

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We deal with the same symptoms you explained with our brother. I understand how it feels for us and how it frustrates them too…

I’m so sorry.
Glad you came back.
I just joined a few weeks ago, so I’m not up on the situation, but you sure have made a lovely impression on folks!

I am wondering if the brother in law and the sister are a couple that lived together… and if so, if they are both having psychiatric symptoms, if anyone knows why… ?

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