Wondering if you got home yet and hoping things were calmer when you got there.
We head home tomorrow, will arrive real late at night - we are both feeling somewhat apprehensive. Jeb has not responded to my texts. Thanks for thinking of us. Hope
I don’t blame you for being apprehensive. I’m apprehensive for you! But it could be that he is now feeling calmer. The break may have been good for everyone.i am thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way.
haha - “well shoot.”
The car alarm was lot nicer - His place is right next to the car, probably wasn’t the better option for him. We couldn’t even hear the car alarm in our bedroom.
We are home and enjoying a respite from the car alarm and yelling. If its the moon issue, it will be even worse in early January - not looking forward to that at all.
BUT, during this respite we are in “negotiations” regarding meds, plans he would like to make, and how he would like us to help him. Its a tricky business as he will be communicating clearly for a couple of sentences, then, text a sentence of accusations. I am ignoring those in my replies trying to keep him focused on the conversation. Texting does give me the chance to focus on better replies. This would be really tricky in a live conversation.
I’m so happy for you that things have calmed down at your place. It’s even better news that he is communicating about treatment. I hope it continues to move in a positive direction.
I am enjoying the peace. The negotiations went well enough yesterday. I can already see he isn’t going to chose the option to stay here and take proper meds. His current plan is to rent a room in a house somewhere with multiple roommates. He is looking.
One of my teachers from FtF reminded me that when they are that gone in an episode like he was with the rock incident, that they don’t have any control of themselves. That was what we were observing as we watched him outside.
Did you give him an ultimatum to take meds if he wanted to stay? I’m surprised he would choose to love w roommates.
I agree with the idea that sz lose control during certain episodes. They are literally out of their mind-IMHO.
Seems like a bold step…
I wish him luck, but as you well know… Might not end well.
After his psychiatrist turned him down on signing a note that said he believed Jeb was on the proper meds to be able to work, he came home very depressed. He believed he had a plan for success in place - if you remember from his bad episode in summer, the deal there was he would work with a doctor, take meds the doctor recommended and he could return to work with us assisting. Basically he was trying to scam his new doctor. He would only see him on spur of the moment - appointments he would make only on his better days. He was so sure the doctor would see “how well” he is and go along with his plan. In the meantime, he would happily take a prescription of Ativan. One good thing that came out of this is that he went immediately the next day to see his doctor to get the note to prove me wrong when I said he was not taking a med that completed his part of the agreement - during our initial text conversation when I returned. Finally his new doctor saw him on more a normal Jeb day. His doctor said to me “I have never seen him with so little insight”. He wasn’t showing insight before, he was running his scam.
I’m sure you see, Jeb has been attempting to, and with some success, scamming this doctor. His first doctor had told me that he had to work “to stay a step ahead of Jeb”. Jeb hasn’t even been in a hospital setting to learn to say the right things, but he is plenty smart enough to run this scam.
Conversing with the doctor after this recent appointment was ENTIRELY DIFFERENT than our last conversation where he had been telling me how well Jeb was doing when I asked for his support on court ordered meds.
Option 1 was that we would buy a small house for him somewhere else and rent it to him. After he was settled in a new place and ready, I would help him with the Ticket to Work program.
Option 2 was that he could stay here, take meds we all agree on, in front of me, at the same time each day. The first day he was late to show up to take his meds, I would cancel his credit card and begin the eviction process.
I think you are right and I think my teacher is right, he had no control over himself during that last episode.
Normal people, (I know) this is his current plan. When he said he was going to look for a room to rent - I just said what his doctor said, “roommates can be stressful”. I think we all know that no one is going to take him on for a roommate unless they are quite desperate. Okay…there are a lot of desperate people in the world. They will regret being that desperate pretty quickly.
I think his scz has reached the heading toward a bad ending stage.
He wouldn’t accept a new place to rent from us because he said he was too worried about our constant spying on him.
Not easy, all this might be to much for him, move/stay/meds/no meds/docs, I am sure he worries about any and all options making it worse. I no longer check meds they take, I often find large quantities of horded meds… It becomes to much to be actively involved… in your case, I would consider to just let him be and not bother him about any of it and just let it play out… sure a defensive posture is required 24/7, but the likelihood that he kills you or your husband is small, never turn your back to him as a frontal attack is more of a deterrent for him… in my opinion injuries to you and your husband are a distinct possibility but you will live through it and Jeb will be gone…
Yes, your option - # 3 is the reality.
@hope Would Jeb be good with a dog? I would like to get my son one but we can’t have one where we live currently. Hope to in about 3 years.
I say let him try it. He may not find any suitable accommodations, but at least he may agree w your terms to stay while he was looking.
Personally, I think he has a sweet deal at your place. I definitely would not buy a house for him to rent from you. That would be just ‘throwing good money after bad.’ He’s already suspicious of any place that you own.
Forgive me for laughing now. I and my family LIVED this type of nightmare. It was terrifying. (for them) always worried i’d snap. I was NOTORIOUS for my temper. And my ODG…Paranoia. I, like your son used to think there were cameras and i was “special”, lol… a part of a government conspiracy. LOL. I can laugh now. (and so can my family) we joke about it now. Oh But during the moments of terror i thought i was being persecuted, I used to write notes and place them in library books in FL. …i was pretty far gone. Out in left field.
I was a few cards shy of a full deck. …LOL!!!
Please know, BRIBES work. Try to bribe your son to get and take his med’s He can’t make it on SSI or SSDI without family. (Cars are expensive) …my Dad used my car to get me in and out of doctors…and hospitals. OR, he would THREATEN me. That pretty much got me to consent to get help.
And please know, you are NOT alone!! I was once where your son was. And my parents walked in your shoes years before you. There is always hope for a healing and a cure. Don’t give up. Keep fighting to heal your son!!!
Hi DianeR, he does have two cats living with him, he loves them dearly and says they are his only friends.
His doctor said the same thing and Jeb immediately said it as well - he is too suspicious of us to live in something we would own. I think at this point in his illness, we need to do whatever it take to keep my husband safe.