Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Does anyone else feel always in this condition? Of course, if I looked at the previous couple of years, I’d have to be a centipede, the shoes just keep dropping.

I am always on edge, waiting for the next crisis - it seems there always is one just around the corner.

Yet, I keep hoping - this week, this day, this year, things will improve. And try to notice and appreciate the lulls in our stormy lives.

Wow, that pretty much describes what the last two years have been for me–waiting for the next crisis. I’ve had a lot of health emergencies, sz symptom relapses, and financial problems. It seems like it will never end.

And all I want is to just be healthy and stable. That’s not a lot to ask for!

I’m glad you responded! I am a parent, and I need the reminder that as hard as this is for me, my son has the more difficult part - when he is sick, he seems tormented, when he improves he has to recognize his losses.

I hope you have good holidays.

Yes… Even when things are going good I’m afraid to let my guard down because things can go bad very easily and quickly. It seems like every time I do let my guard down I get shown why I shouldn’t have. I find missed pills or hidden alcohol. A constant state of trying to be positive while being prepared for the negative.

I find trying to notice and appreciate the lulls helps a lot. I try not to get paranoid when I see things starting to slide that the worst is on it’s way, again. Kind of like right now. My son is still doing good but he could be doing a lot better. He is not taking his medications as prescribed and drinking a little more again. He can’t see or doesn’t want to see, the consequences. I see this as denial instead of anosognosia as he gets mad when I try to point it out saying he doesn’t want to talk about it or look at the facts. He is not sleeping the same, lying to me and hiding alcohol along with some little things that indicate he is not at his best. Not much I can do. Try to stay positive and hope that that proverbial shoe doesn’t drop. Try my best to nip it in the butt before it gets worse. Accept that this is the life we currently have and that it may not get any better while still hoping that it can…

Right now I’m doing better then I ever have been. I’m trying to remember my meds and working to stay med compliant. I"m staying sober and clean. I’m not fighting anyone on therapy. Things are really going well. Even I get nervous about slipping into relapse. I can only imagine how my family feels when I start loosing concentration and slipping back into some old habits.

It’s like we’re all waiting for that other shoe. We’ve all seen the worst, and we know how bad it can get so it’s hard to enjoy the calm. It’s never the calm of overcoming, it’s always feeling like the calm before the storm.

I’m rooting for you. Enjoy the small victories and the more they happen, the bigger they become.

My wife does not have sz, but she is schizo-affective bi-polar and I notice that there seems to be a lot of similarities in those conditions, which is why I lurk on these forums to see what other people are doing to handle a similar circumstance.

For me, the shoe is in decent right now. I’m watching as my wife, once again, has stopped taking medication, started laughing maniacally at all hours of the day, screams and belittles the children, curses and profanes against family members (mine and hers). And once the shoe hits? It’s not going to be due to her having a revelation that she is sick and needs help. It will probably be an alcohol soaked bender leading to arrest or an involuntary commitment.

I’ve had that feeling for the last 3 years, and the only relief I get from it is when she is initially put into a hospital involuntarily. The relief usually fades within a day or 2 when I realize that the hospital wants to release her ASAP.

I’m glad you found this forum. Just yesterday I was discussing the different types of diagnoses with a worker. In my opinion psychosis is psychosis regardless of the name it is given.

I wish there was a better way for us to help our loved ones before they go further into their psychosis. I had to watch my son decompress last time until I could not watch anymore and had him admitted. Not eating, drinking, sleeping, voices, hysterical laughter… It got a lot worse after admission. This has to be so hard on your children. Sending good thoughts your way.

The thing that I blame myself the most for is not seeking treatment sooner. The one thing I consistently see here is that early treatment has better results. I continually worry that I have contributed to her mental instability by not getting her the treatment that she needed earlier.

Life is full of what ifs… Try not to put yourself through that. My son was diagnosed in 2011 at age 17. When I look back at his childhood, now that I’m aware, there was so many warning signs. ADHD and OCD. Broken home. So many what ifs. If I had gotten him treatment for his ADHD, OCD and possibly even Tourrettes could we have avoided where we are now. If I hadn’t messed up and caused him to be without a mother for so long. If I had been a better mother then maybe he wouldn’t have developed a marijuana addiction. His last break was full of what ifs for me. Could I have gotten him admitted sooner. I should have known before I did that he was off his medications. My son’s Grandmother has since day one pointed out to me that my son seemed to have Tourrettes and that it probably happened because of me. That I wasn’t there enough. I was an addict for awhile myself and lost everything. Even now it’s that I should have had him admitted long before I did that she would have him admitted for not taking his medications. I had to go through all of his admission notes to realize that that was not the cause. He was always admitted for positive symptoms that were out of control never for not taking his medications. He came back to live with me in April and had a break in September.

For a long time I carried around a lot of guilt. I can’t change the past. I had to let it go and forgive myself. There is only so much that you can do. Even if you had done everything perfect there is still no guarantee that you would not be right where you are right now.

Schizo-effective disorder means schizophrenia and bipolar disorder together.

Valleypenne -

Yes I too always feel that constant anxiety over my son. Whenever I hear a siren I always wonder if my son is involved. This illness is so debilitating.

Year after year I also continue to hope for improvements but those hopes have not come to fruition.

Yes, feel this way about our son, he’s been stable during the holidays but we see him getting worse now, getting angry again, twitching and scratching, incomplete thoughts, etc. refuses meds, so crisis is always round the corner, a phone call away. Sometimes I mute my phone cause I can’t face it. Sometimes I find myself hating my son for making us live in this state of constant crisis, wishing he would leave so we can get a break, it exhausting.

Schizoaffective disorder can also be a combination of schizophrenia and depression.

I have found I can deal with my son’s texts more calmly than I can his phone calls. If I dont answer, he will switch to texting me.

Yes , I always feel that way! My son has been home since Dec.23 and I was thinking everything is fine for the moment but not sure how long it will last…I know it probably won’t last but I have to enjoy the calmness of the waves before the storm comes my way…were all hanging on to Hope

Wow you took the words right out of my mouth. Son is 23 and diagnosed the same. Laughing and talking alot, with no one there. When the shoe hits the floor, its someone is going to get hurt, it will end at the ER with him looking beat up, bunged up and thankful he made it (against his will). Then I fight to get him in, but the release will be way before hes stable. God Bless us in this Awful System.

I have a hard time with the sirens also. Sirens been a constant thing in our life. I know the illness is hard for them, but what should be traumatizing to my son doesn’t seem to phase him when its over. Answer that one. I’m completely freaked out shortly after a traumatic event. I don’t understand that.

Barb I think we all look for every possible cause. You didn’t cause it and you can’t fix it. I was glad to find answers in the past year when two 1st couzins were diagnosed on Dads side. My questions got answered, Even with that I question what I could have done differently. We are all doing the best we can for them, many doing without and giving all we have and don’t have sometimes.

This is so true. I what if-ed myself for many years, but there is no way to know if things would have been different! And Barbie, all of yours sound almost exactly like mine.
I also think think we all wait for the other shoe to drop, there are times I think if I get too comfortable, then most certainly there will be another crisis. Not true, but it seems that way…