My son is almost 37. In February this year he developed some severe delusions and hasn’t spoken to anyone in our family since then. He told me that he was fired from his job in August, 2016 and suffered extreme anxiety and depression from then until January, 2017. He said that he went to a psychiatrist in January but the person was a fool. When I look back I can see that he had been having delusions, paranoiac and grandiose, for about 10 years. I suspect that he’s had two major episodes during which he was really cruel to me but he didn’t break off contact. One of his delusions was about weight loss and I think made himself really sick with kidney stones.
During almost all of this time he continued to work and have his own apartment. Last I heard (in Feb) he wasn’t working but he’s in IT and can make good money even working part time. I’ve had the local police do a wellness check but he was calm and told them that we are having family issues.
He has explicitly said he doesn’t want me to contact him either directly or indirectly, including sending a registered letter to that effect. He doesn’t respond to contacts from anyone in the family. In June I started emailing him once a month with family updates and I always end by telling him that I love him. He has not responded.
My question is this. Would you push him or wait for him to come around? I’m worried that if I go to his apartment (1 1/2 hrs away) he might move and then I won’t be able to find him.
In my opinion, the emails are the best route. That way you are letting him know he is still a part of the family and still loved while at the same time providing the space he has requested.
Liz, In my opinion, building trust is the best thing you can do and emailing like you have is probably best. You might offer to take him out to his favorite meal but I agree that if he moves you might lose total contact. I pray a lot and that is sometimes all I can do.
My son is nice to me right now but that can change in a heartbeat. We’ve done a bit together recently. I am trying to build our relationship because it has gone pretty sour of late.
Have you listened to the videos by Dr. Armando I’m not sick and I don’t need help?It may help you learn some skills to communicate with your son. God bless and you are certainly not alone. Welcome to our wacky world.
I am sort of in the same boat. My son is 31 today. He wants nothing to do with us, his parents. I have been crying today because I miss him so. I can’t even wish him a happy birthday because he has me blocked on his phone. I don’t even have his email address. He quit taking his meds in May 2016. He says we abused him as a child so he wants nothing to do with us. He is so naive and lets people take advantage of him. He will go with anyone who says they will be his friend. I worry about him 24/7. I am sorry Liz that I don’t have an answer for you. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Oh Lmr, Thanks so much for your response and I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m finding special days like birthdays particularly difficult. My grandsons are coming to stay next week and I’m having trouble getting excited about it. I’m constantly on the verge of tears. I’m glad to have found this forum to at least share and be supported.
Hi Mom2. I have read Dr. Amador’s book. It really helped me understand better what’s going on. I’m trying to prepare myself for the day when he will talk to me again so I don’t mess it up.