I have been on this site before but had to create another account. My story was that my husband has SZ. He was not diagnosed but I secretly wrote a letter to his doctor of all the weird things he was doing and the nurse called me to tell me the doc says it is paranoid SZ.
So he still is not diagnosed and still says nothing is wrong with him. I am still his biggest enemy. I supposedly have slept with everyone, I have been involved with the government and he has written a book called “the black book”. he says he knows I don’t want the book to go out and that is why I have done everything I can to keep it from being published.
But this story is nothing new. I am used to those claims. My biggest problem now really hurts. I work a normal 8-5 pm job. I provide food, utilities, and luxuries. I do my part cleaning and doing ALL errands and anything that has to do with my son like doctor or play time. He has helped by sweeping often, washing dishes, and cooking often. Okay, it would be wonderful if he had an income but I have accepted that he is ill. BUT now he has brought our son into this. Just some history here, we broke up and I got pregnant by a guy I was with. He came back when I was 1 month preg. The other guy wanted an abortion so I ended back with my now husband. He was in the delivery room too. So my husband choose to be in our sons life. He wanted to be a daddy. My son didn’t choose him. So moving on to present, when i say something about I need you to do >>>>> for our son. He says, he is not my son. He makes this very clear. And, he was helping me drop him off and pick him up from school and this week he has told me that he is not his son and he will not pick him up no longer. This really hurts. My son loves him and only knows him. My son didn’t choose who his daddy will be. I have tried every logic to make my husband understand (i know he will never be logically or realistic but still) he is a child. He is only 6. Don’t do this to him.
Of course, it does not matter what I say. I am the enemy. He said I have slept with everyone, I have stole the deed to OUR house, been part of the government and so on. I have stayed with him because I love him and mostly I don’t want my son to have a broken heart if we leave daddy. But I get no love. I can’t touch him. We have been like this since last year. Or over a year. Basically it is living with a room mate except I pay all this roommates bills. I have no husband anymore. And he makes it clear we are OVER. He tells me all the time that the topic is not new. He told me many times we are done.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my 6 yr old child to be broken heart. I do love my husband and if i leave he will have nothing: no food, air, lights, anything. He will basically live under a roof like a camper. and my child will ask to see his daddy except he will be seeing him like a homeless guy. I don’t want that either. HELP. I feel lost. I feel crushed inside at the thought of leaving or even at the thought that I deserve more. I don’t know how to feel.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’m sure your heart is breaking and you torn.
First, give yourself a big hug and credit for being there and helping him as far as you have. Next figure out a plan for your and your son you and your son’s best interest and well-being next find a plan that might help your husband. Your son is your first responsibility and you can’t really help your husband until he wants to get help. I wish you the very best.
Your responsibility is first to your son, second to your husband. I admire you trying to stick it out with him under such trying circumstances, but first worry about your son. Perhaps seeing a children’s counselor and explaining the situation and getting advice on what would be healthiest for your child would be a good starting place.
It’s not your husband’s fault that he is mentally ill, but it’s also not your son’s fault. I’d hate for him to be damaged by someone who is supposed to love and care for him.
Anosognosia is way more complicated than simply a denial, and is not even his fault. However, it is up to you how you deal with the situation.
The way he is now and the state of mind he has presently, you cannot expect him to be reasonable, responsible, consistent or even predictable. Any expectations at this time would be simply unrealistic and unreasonable. And that is very hard on you…
Judging from my personal experience, i would say there are about two choices:
please try involuntary hospitalization and up on his discharge someone will have to make sure he stays on medication which might be very difficult (another choice would be Involuntary monthly shots)
OR
please get your son and yourself out of this situation asap.
(I was raised by a sz parent, trust me, you don’t want this for your son)
So sorry my heart goes out to you and I agree with everyone.
Your son has to come first. You are doing all you can for your husband but it will get worse unless he gets the help he needs. I agree with what never to become says .
Do you have a crisis team ? Here in the uk we have this, they,ll come out and assess your husband and if they think it’s necessary they,ll arrange a psychiatrist and a social who to come and decide if he should be admitted.
This happened with my son and he was admitted twice and discharged on a cto and depot every month.
You must think of your little one before he gets much older. Thoughts are with you.
I know what you feel. you are doing the best you can. Yes, you r Responsibility is toward your son first.
if you can afford a lawyer and can prove that you husband can be a danger to himself or others, you will be able to commit involuntary to a treatment through the court.
the hard part on how to be complaint on medicine for long time.
I had committed my son involuntarily back in November 2015 by hiring a lawyer and he was in hospital for 5 weeks. but after being discharged from Hospital, he left my home and went to California and was hospitalized again several times. My son has been hospitalized like 7 times and he still Anosognosia and denying that he is ill. He is currently suffering from strong headache because he stopped his medicine and he thinks the only way to get rid of his headache by take the Greyhound from California back to my home in Mid West ( 3 days trip).
I have given him a warning that if he mess up again, I will commit again to hospital through the court as long as I live until he gets better. It is really frustrating!.
I have to warn that Paliperdone or Invega Sustena injection withdrawal symptoms can be severe. that means if your husband get treated with Paliperdone and later take Invega Shot injection/shot then he stopped taking meds after several month, he may experience severe headache.
Just a question
Can someone please confirm or otherwise if in order to commit a patient involuntarily in the US, one needs to go through a lawyer?
It must be easier, but shouldn’t be the only way
I know you love your husband and you know you have done everything you can to help and support him.
Your son on the other hand is completely innocent in all this and only 6 years old. Your husband has a very serious mental illness and is not able to interpret facts from fiction and it isn’t fair to your son to have to witness what sounds like a chaotic environment day in and day out.
I was my daughter’s strongest advocate for many years and had to come to the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. I’m raising my daughter’s two small children all by myself - they are 5 and 9 years old. Their mother’s behavior was causing so much chaos and hurt in my home that the last time she ended up in the hospital I told her mental health care provider that she can no longer live with me and the children and to please help her get into a group home. I am presently working on getting complete legal guardianship of the grandchildren and the children’s mother is now living in a group home. My daughter is in a safe place.
Yesterday was Easter and me and the kids planned a full and very busy day. I asked them if they wanted to talk to their mother and my grandson said no but he did want to talk to his father.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that my daughter is now an adult (33 years old - even though her maturity level is around 10-12 years old) and up to a couple of months ago I’ve practically given up my life for her but I will not sacrifice my own sanity and peace as well as the mental health and physical health of my grandchildren any longer. They deserve a structured, peaceful and organized home where they can thrive and grow. I no longer feel guilty at all and am at peace with my decision.
Please think long and hard what you and your son need. Think about the childhood he will have to endure with a man who is emotionally rejecting, distant and abusive towards his mother and him.
@Never_to_become - my son has been put on a TDO here 4 times in the past 7/8 months, but I haven’t initiated it other than driving him to either our mental health center where he saw the crisis unit or to the hospital. He would ask to go somewhere.
Each time, they’ve evaluated him & said that he was not capable of protecting himself from harm and that he did not have the capacity to voluntarily consent.
The Community Board person, I’m guessing they are a psychologist or otherwise qualified, fills out the paperwork, gets a magistrate on the phone, the paperwork is filled out & he is held. If he’s not already at the hospital, the police transport him there.
They could do the same thing at our home if we call the crisis team, but I’ve been avoiding anything that makes home an unsafe place for him.
Each time, he had went manic and not slept for 5 to 8 days. He had an urge to talk about his paranoia and delusions and presented so out of it that, at first, they would think he was overdosing. It wasn’t hard to see he was really, really sick.
If he went in and could act well, I probably wouldn’t have been so lucky.
It may differ depending on the state in which you live. (Ran across a web site that rates states in terms of mental health care and told the type of access to community resources. I am sorry I don’t remember the site). We recently did an involuntary admit and it was done without an attorney. It did require filing a petition with the court and a brief hearing but there was a community resource that provided assistance. Our problem was more with the insurance company’s decision that inpatient confinement was not the way to treat a non compliant delusional patient.
Yes, that is a good idea. I could see a child’s counselor to see how to deal with my son. He does not deserve to be in the middle of all this. My husband did not have these symptoms when he was born. It happened when my son turned about 3. I don’t want to move and my son be so upset. But I am sure he can feel the tension between his parents. We don’t argue infront of him though. We act like friends infront of him and when he goes to sleep is when all this non-sense comes up about what I did and stuff. When I say about what i did, i am speaking of what he accuses me of which I dont do.
Thank you. You are right. I know this deep down but don’t want my husband to live like that either. I am to the point I can’t worry about someone who don’t care about me though.
Thanks so much for your input. Yes, I have to do something. Because he don’t trust me, there is no way to get him to voluntarily go get help when he tells me nothing is wrong with him; that I am just trying to make him look crazy.
The involuntary part is hard. Because I live in Ala…bham or tusc al are the areas around me. They just closed over half of the mental hospitals. There are two I know of left with a LONG waiting list. The only way to get him committed without waiting years on that list is if he tries to kill me or himself. He has not flinched. He has never mentioned killing himself or acted violent in any way. So that is hard to get him committed.
I will research the crisis team. I don’t know that we have one. Mostly you have to agree to be committed. And my state has only 2 mental hospitals with long waiting lists. They only way he will get in a hospital is if he becomes violent and threatens to kill. He has not done that. In fact, he is not the least bit violent.
The weird thing is, my husband plays with my son (like tickling him or aggravating him) and acts like nothing is wrong towards my child. But its mostly me he don’t want nothing to do with. And when my son goes to sleep, that is when my husband will tell me what I have unknowingly done that day.
So my child is not in a violent situation thank goodness. He probably feels the tension between us or sees how we don’t have anything to do with each other. But he definitely don’t hear our disagreements.
Thanks for all of your input. My husband has been consistent since my last post. He still has no desire to help me. While I work, I have to take 1 1/2 hrs off work every day to pick my son up from school while he just sits there doing NOTHING. He may cook or may mop. That is it right now. He won’t tell me why he won’t take him to school except it is a lot of things that happen is why. That is what he says. He said why should he pick him up while I am out doing my thing. Apparently he thinks I am out cheating on him but really I am at work. I have a time log to prove it but I know that won’t matter to him.
He also said he was my sons dad WHILE we where together but since we are not together he will not be his father. I told him my son is not a dog, you don’t get to stop being his father when you want.
Anyway, while my child is there and awake, my husband acts fine. he plays with him etc. But when my child is asleep, he tells me that is not his kid.
THIS IS GETTING SO OLD. I have dealt with this for 2 yrs. I thought I could do this longer until my child got at least 8 or 9 but with my husband not helping with anything and telling me we are over (relationship), I can’t do it.
You don’t say much about his symptoms other than he doesn’t trust you & accuses you of things you haven’t done. If he doesn’t have bizarre delusions, hear voices, etc, it might not be full-blown SZ.
Take a look a delusional disorder - especially the sub-type where the person doesn’t trust their partner, but is otherwise kind of OK.
Maybe this is what’s going on. I think my husband had that for many years. He accused me of everything under the sun when he would get going, then he’d be fine for awhile, then it would start up again. The worst part was never knowing what things would be like from one day to the next.
I would have left him, but our son would beg me not to. I think genetics plus this kind of stress played a big part in my son’s illness.
The weird thing is that he just kind of snapped out of it in his mid 40’s, but I have no doubt he either had DD or was mildly BP-1. I feel so strongly about this that if my son’s new mood stabilizer keeps working so well for him, I’m going to talk to him about taking the same thing. I’ve already mentioned it & I think he could probably get a trial of it from our GP.
He’ll acknowledge that he has some anger issues, etc, but doesn’t think he needs to be medicated. For a long time, it’s been a running joke with us though (wasn’t a joke early on when it was bad) - but I’ll routinely tell him to take things down a notch or put the crazy away when he gets going now. Luckily, we live separately now due to our son’s illness plus he wanted to move to our country property but it’s too far from my work - we get along much better now that we only see each other a couple days a week.
Well, it is a lot to write so I try to get to the point or whatever is bothering me at the time. But yes, he hears voices and seeings things. I had my son on the porch and was talking about if it is cold or not whether he is wearing shorts or pants. My husband accused me of talking about him. I said “really, im talking about you to a 6 yr old”. Another time my husband was in the kitchen and I was in the den with his cousin. I was accused of talking about him again. He REALLY hears me talking about him but I am not.
And he is very paranoid. Everyone has done something to him. The guy walking down the road was trying to break in (not really). Our faucet burst once and it wasn’t because it was old to him. To him someone broke it on purpose.
He has visually seen me on youtube doing a porn video. Well THATS NOT GONNA REALLY EVER HAPPEN. But to him it was sooooo real.
On another occasion, there was year books left in our house when we moved in. He has hidden them from me. He picked out this pick and said it was me. Now this book is from 1960’s. I was born in 1981 and not living in Alabama at that time. But to him, it is me. I can’t pursued him any different.
So this is only some things he does. Does it now sound like full blown SZ? Or what do you think?
Also, he has accused me only once for setting up an accident he was in so I paid someone to cause the accident and try to kill him.
Another time, he was in a daze and my dad said “are you okay man”. He told my dad he didn’t know why everyone was after his money. That he was a prince and everyone wanted his money. He don’t work so he has no money in real life. But to him he is loaded.