I think sometimes we get so caught up in our experience, we lose sight of the boundaries we have allowed our loved ones to cross, and the line gets blurry. We find ourselves unable to pull back because we are in too deep. I am not saying this is your experience, but I know it is necessary for me to take some personal inventory at times. To reel myself in, and maybe not while there is a crisis for my loved one, but realize that there will continue to be various levels of crisis when our loved ones are not able to, or not willing to do their part in this illness. This illness with my son is bigger than me, and from the beginning, I took a disproportionate part of the responsibility in "making it better" for him. I have reevaluated my role. I also am more gentle to myself for what I didn't know, didn't understand, or what decisions I look back on and struggle with.
I hope you find a way to your own forgiveness for what you and all of us cannot possibly know how to navigate at times. I have come to the conclusion that I might not like the way things turn out at times, but the path that I chose around whatever we were dealing with at the time truly was the best decision I could make at the time. Sure, we scrutinize that when we are on the other side, and sometimes it is helpful to see what worked and what didn't, but it doesn't serve anyone for us to be hard on ourselves. Instead, today is another day....and today, look forward. There is so much in this illness that is left in a state of unresolve, which is probably the most difficult thing for me to get used to. I have come to learn that while I was beating myself up over incidents that I struggled with, didn't do very well with, or are are left unresolved, the new chapter starts and there are a multitude of new decisions and challenges in front of me.....and I was a wreck and overwhelmed.....already tired, before a new challenge needed me.
I am not very good at this yet, but in my own journey with my son....I have decided to get clear on what I can and cannot do, what I am equipped to endure or not, and draw some solid boundaries around myself so I can function in my own life, and in the parts of my life that I need to be available to support my son.
I pray you find some peace, rest, and perhaps get some guidance or support to help you with what may be the best direction for you to take in the relationship with your daughter.