Angry at the illness

Family
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I had a moment where I was dealing with anger… not at any person, but just angry at the illness itself, if that makes any sense.

I am saying this metaphorically, but the illness seems like a big monster hovering above my daughter. It always seems to be there and it is hard not to see that when I look at her… I see her hurting and it just grieves me… and for some reason right now it is hard to look past that. I wish I could rescue my girl from this “monster”, but I can’t. It always seems to be there, affecting everything… I just want to be able to look at my daughter and just see her again…

I do have moments like that from time to time… laughing about a funny movie, enjoying a song together… playing a game together…I cherish those moments when I can just forget about the illness for a short time.

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I certainly know what you mean by the anger. Unfortunately, my anger will, at least at times, come out inappropriately in other ways (i.e. an irrational reaction to a misbehaving copy machine or some misunderstanding with a colleague at work). My friend’s illness has progressed so far that I can’t even see him anymore because I’m, frankly, so afraid of his chaotic behavior. His illness would sometimes manifest itself in his eyes - all I would have to do is look at him and see that ‘demon’ that is living in him. I really despise that demon that has taken my friend away from me.

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You described it well.

I was wondering if you had looked into ontrackny.org? My son is still too young, but it was recommended to me.

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Those moments of laughter where you almost get to forget about Schizophrenia completely is what it’s all about!
Keep your sights set on that goal.

I’m really glad you get to set the burden aside sometimes.

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you phrased well. I often get angry and wonder why this illness showed up in my life to deprive my son and me from normal life. At times, I feel that I am paying for a big debt from my past life or I had done something wrong and I am being punished for actions I did in prior life( not sure what!!)
I experience a bad feeling like gloom and sadness because I feel it is an illness that I have to deal with for the rest of my life and there is no break from it…I experience Crying spells at times. Often time, I cannot wait to go home and Pray and ask God for help.
I have anxiety and depression and it gets worse during the holidays…
Always count your blessing and think about the good moments you had or have with your loved ones…
Hope 2019 will be a good year for all us.

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Sometimes I have the feeling that I did something to screw up my girl… it’s not true, but sometimes that thought comes to me

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The truth is that there is a family history of mental illness… and it appears the thing that brought her illness to light was a series of some traumatic events.

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Anger is a totally normal reaction to our situations. I just try to contain myself so no one suffers from my anger. (or my grief, when that is the emotion that hits me).

Wishing us all more peace of mind.

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I had a moment of feeling anger about my son’s illness a few months ago. I have been writing down my emotions in my calendar so that I can reflect on my feelings. I know that my son’s illness is something that I can not change, and I enjoy the moments when we laugh together about something in the present or memories we share. I think that I will always feel sadness for how this illness took over my son’s life, but I try to stay positive for his sake and mine.

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I feel the same when the world seems so unfair. I took over care of my brother when my other sibling didn’t care. Now in hindsight, I realized my father’s life had been so much better and that is the least I could do for someone who has loved me and taken care of me. When my 2 daughters fell ill, I sometimes wonder if I have been punished. Then I realized I am now so much closer to my children and them to me. I guess when times are difficult, it can become rewarding when we help each other and to solve problems and make little victories along the way.

This Christmas I decided to reach out to a close uni friend who has kind of lost contact. He lives 15 min away from me bTW. Over tea I learned his wife and daughter have mental illness. And guess what, we are not alone. It was the best Xmas get together as my friend and I brought back the friendship we have lost. Reach out to someone whom you may have lost contact. Somewhere someone out there just like us would be so happy as we are.

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