Here’s a link to a collection of essays. Recollections of the family dogs in the first one, although as I recall he’s revisited the subject in a few other stories.
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Thank you for the link!
Thats funny. Good sence of humour to deal with it. Thats funny though that she would analyze it like that. Sometimes I do think my son could be possesed and allowed demons to be there. I pray for them to leave, perhaps not enough.
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Your a really good writer. Book style.
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I understand, my daughter before she was on meds would talk so vile and be so mean, it was hard to believe it was her. And she also will say she thinks she was being possessed. She still thinks that all this started with going on the dark web and saying a spell she found there. She thought the outcome of the spell was different than what happened. Its kind of gruesome so I will not repeat it here. I think it was the SZ starting but when things were at its worst even the house felt different, oppressive and negative. Hard to explain. Love hugs and prayers for everyone.
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Having a bad day. Crap. Bad day guys. Son left work early. Doing very poorly and struggling with manic feelings.
Didn’t technically quit but pretty close. I immediately went to see him and turns out he’s stopped meds for a couple days and reverted back to same scary delusions. Heartbreaking.
Says he’ll never take them again. Back into predictable mantra: meds are satanic. Witchcraft. Mind control. Completely different countenance to him. Scary. (Again).
When I reminded him of our MULTIPLE prior discussions on same (ie, you have a clearly diagnosed brain illness called schizophrenia, which you’d previously accepted; you have multiple, top-rate doctors who have prescribed you specific meds which you’ve admitted make you feel better).
He says “that was a lie. I don’t believe I have schizophrenia. I just said that dad. It’s all a lie” And so on. Same cycle. I know that these setbacks happen. And we always hope they don’t. Or at least they’re short lived.
So, we’ve advised him that he can stay in his apartment but don’t come to our home. Sucks sucks sucks.
Days of hope followed by days of despair. What a shitty situation for all of us. Love wins. But doesn’t feel like it today. Very scared of what the next 5-10 days brings and how low we have to go to swing back into the positive. Had to share with people who understand.
Sure, maybe we’re strangers to each other, but this bond and common pain keeps me mostly sane. Thanks for reading.
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I am so sorry @Sando I know Dr Amador talks about how some of our family members learn to “go along to get released”. So sad and so frustrating. All that work and hope, we don’t have an easy job.
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So sorry to hear this @Sando . So many of us have struggles with the frightening aggression from our sz children and the impact on our other children. Heartbreaking. Its uplifting when you say love wins, but sometimes I dont know …
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Love has to win. It has to. And Beefeater gin helps. Thanks @hope @penelope_pitstop . I’ll keep you posted because who else in my life could POSSIBLY empathize with this ‘how-long-will-he-go-without-meds-or-change-his-mind-or-have-a-violent-episode’ life we sometimes live. #lovewins #ginhelps.
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I am so sorry to hear this, the worst words in our lives “ [insert name] has stopped taking his/her meds”. We have all been there.
The only words of encouragement I have is that your son is still very young and his brain is still developing. Like being 20 isn’t challenging enough with hormones and lack of maturity; let’s throw a severe mental illness into the mix!
Heartfelt hopes and prayers for a quick and peaceful return to stability.
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So sorry to hear this @Sando ! Praying that this is just a minor setback and that you are able to convince him to get back on his meds sooner rather than later!
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Quick update. Son woke up this morning and said ‘ok, I’ll take my meds today’. Which included his long acting Prolixin. Hallelujah. Also confessed to have resorted to smoking weed a few times recently. Nooow we see the same pattern emerge. Doing good. Feeling good. Smoke some weed (not on approved Rx list!!), then stop taking meds… then wheels off.
This time we missed the weed as he’s usually very honest - even to his own detriment! Regardless, says he’s off weed and back on meds. Obviously the line we’ve drawn (apartment, truck, phone, allowance) encourages that decision. Crisis averted. Today.
Love and thoughts out to those experiencing the highs or lows of our caregiving journey. Lord help us all!!!
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So glad to hear this!
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Yesterday was a low day for me. Completely worn out from dealing with son. What really depresses me is the fact that my husband and I can’t enjoy our retirement. We like to go to Fl in winter, but leaving him has turned into a big disaster at home, even though I hired people to come in and help him. We took him to FL one year, and that was a disaster. And to top it off there is just no answer. We can’t imagine living like this until we die.
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So very exhausting. One way my wife and I have found some peace in our ‘new and much, much different/time-consuming’ journey of parenting, is to admit “our child is a special needs child”.
Reframing our hearts to see a special child versus dwelling in the what could have been scenarios. It’s hard w most SZ kids because they were so very different before the worst of the symptoms manifested. For us it was at age 19.
Wheels off. And despite our anxiety, despair, anger, of not being able to put the wheels back on, we try to remember that we are still his parents. He is still our child. And now he needs us in a WAAAAAAAYYYY different manner than we wanted!!!
Heck I was ready to move to Jackson Hole and fly fish until my old, depleted body floated down the ice-cold River.
It has taken a year to even think about getting a new perspective. And it’s a daily struggle. But reframing our role as caregivers for our child who has special needs has helped us.
During the Special Olympics, we saw so many brave families with clinically-diagnosed ‘Special Needs’ children, perhaps with Down’s Syndrome or on the autism spectrum. And we have to realize that this is our role as caregivers now. To support them. To love them. To root for them. Even when they lose. Even when it’s ugly.
Obviously I’m still trying to sell myself! But perhaps it gives you guys a new perspective. Peace and love from Texas.
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Sando, so glad he’s back on his meds. Thank you for the analogy of how you are trying to deal with stuff. My daughter has said to me you know I will never be the same as I was before. That’s hard to except, but really I love her no matter what and am just glad she is here. Just need to put myself in check sometimes. Just learn to let things be. For today!
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Yes it gets very hard sometimes…im.womdering if it is like a wave…my son was horrible last week…i thought im going to havr to get him i sime other home living situation…this week he is calmer. I hid all knives, scissors last week…he waa scary…demanding we gamble thousands…he won 900 and then lost…he sold playstation4 , pawned playstation 5 and used money at black jack.table, he lost then won then lost it all…and is obsessed to get more and go back, he made 75 dollar bets…i work at average job to support us and pay rent…he screamed at me for hours and it is very abusive…
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