@Just_the_sister You genuinely care for your brother and are doing everything you can to help. I am really happy that your brother has someone like you to help him through this. I wish my siblings and mother had been as helpful for me.
I do this too and I find myself asking them why this medication and putting up my own road blocks to some medications that just make it worse due to my sonās addictive personality.
I think sometimes it is hard to step back from that role of taking care of everything as a parent and caregiver. Iām trying to teach myself that I need to step back some and let otherās step in as I wonāt be around forever. My son is part of PACT or ACT and I see how easy it is for my son to back away from or not follow through on meetings with them. He is an adult and he has the right to say no even if he needs it. He doesnāt think that he needs to see them as often as they want to see him. They call, ask for him, he cancelsā¦ I try to tell them if they handle things this way then he will keep cancelling. They have weekly meetings and outings. My son turns them down. I think anosognosia plays a big part in this.
Treatment Advocacy Center - under problems you will see anosognosia
Anosognosia looks like denial but is different.
Build on this and even when things are going astray then this will still be there to build on. 
@luniben My brother spends A LOT of time on the computer - shops, creates wish lists, researches topics that interest him. Are you saying this might contribute to āspending too much time in his headā or be over stimulating? Or are you saying to use it as a tool for motivation to get things done? If so, I canāt do thatā¦ heās an adult and would definitely not see me in that role. I have mentioned in the past chore charts with rewards as incentives to help with remembering to do daily chores and with motivation to complete them. This is a topic that upset him. He saw this as me judging him, which I wasā¦ I am very frustrated with the amount of work that my Mom does at her age. It makes me sad. I hope to find ways to motivate him by talking to him more one on one. Hopefully my needs will be a motivation of some sort. Maybe thatās selfish of me to hope for! If not, when my Mom canāt do it, I hope we will have a strong enough relationship to survive the fall, because it will be a hard fall.
@SurprisedJ Thatās exactly what he said to me!! āNo one ever wants to talk about what interests meā, which is probably true. I donāt do it on purpose but I told him I feel like my whole life revolves around his needs so when he wants to talk about him, Iām already hurt, frustrated, angry, etc. I tried to paint a picture of how I see thingsā¦ I gave any example of a subject that came up at Christmasā¦ My Dad was surprised that I made a special breakfast for my kids that my grandmother used to make. My oldest kid is 20!!! My Dad didnāt know that about me because they are consumed with my brother and itās a meal that my brother refuses to eat. I do think my brother heard my sadness in that as he said, āI didnāt realize how much they worry about me.ā Ugh!! I took a deep breath and said, thatās why itās hard to want to talk about you and your interests because Iām tired of talking about, thinking about and being about you and your illness. Iām not sure he thought of me or my feelings in this moment but I felt better having said it (rather then keeping it to myself) and then we talked about food, music, sports, etc. and it was a conversation between TWO people not just about one person. It was definitely a start.
I will definitely be looking into services with the social workerā¦ as soon as I know her name and am possibly introduced to her!! And will be looking into groups. My brother struggles with going somewher for the first time but once heās been there can go back by himself. Thanks for the tips!!
@BarbieBF What is PACT or ACT? I googled it but nothing that looks like mental health services came up! I also looked up Anosognosiaā¦ from what I read, my brother is the opposite. He knows he has a illness and it is the reason for everything. On the positive end, he takes his meds religiously and never misses a dr appt (although has days where he needs reminding of the appt) but whenever he canāt or doesnāt want to do something, itās because of the illness. He can recite the symptoms!! This is my struggle - whatās to push and what not to!
It sounds like you are very involved with your son and learning about the illness. Do you mind my asking if you have other children? And what their involvement is with their brother?
Thanks for the info!!
NAMI: Is There a Difference Between PACT and ACT?
My son recently transitioned to PACT after being part of early intervention programs for 3 years. Iām in Canada so I donāt know how these programs work in other countries but I donāt pay for this service. They have a team of people available to help my son. Social workers, nurses, peer support and a psychiatrist that can make house calls. They will drive him to appointments and take him to group sessions and outings. If needed they can seem him daily and administer medications if he is unable to do so on his own. I think itās a great program however the problem arises in that my son doesnāt think he needs them.
Anosognosia and denial and defianceā¦ I struggle with trying to tell what is what. My son can site symptoms of why he canāt or shouldnāt have to doā¦ He blames withdrawal and hyperactivity on anxiety that is apparently 10/10. He thinks he is better then others and shouldnāt have to doā¦ He was forcibly admitted to hospital so the government owes him and should be paying him for allowing it to happen when there was nothing wrong. To a certain degree my son acknowledges that he has SZ and he takes medications because I want him to and they help him with anxiety. He doesnāt take medications because he has a disease that needs to be fixed. Yes when it suits him he can sometimes reference his SZ although I canāt. The odd time this has happened I think I have responded with: Yes you have SZ however you are not physically disabled and are capable of picking up your mess. Your arms and legs do work. 
Sometimes I think my son will find excuses or reasons to not do things that he may be, not that he would admit it, afraid or anxious to actually do. His ego wonāt let him admit that he may not be able to do it.
My daughter is currently living with her dad and family in another state/province. My kids have not lived together as siblings for at least 5 years I guess. They talk on the phone sometimes. I donāt put any pressure or expectations on them to be involved with each other. She just did a project for school on SZ and got 100%. 
She has also had some difficulties with self harm, addiction, ptsd and possible borderline personality disorder. The self harm I had little knowledge or understanding of while she was living with me. She was recently prescribed a prn for anxiety which seems to be helping. She is 18 now so I think that as her hormones level out the BPD seems to be lessening as her āentityā is not as bothersome anymore. Sheās graduating in June which I had my doubts was going to happen but she is pulling it off. She is a strong girl, sometimes too strong. She will be the first on her dadās side to graduate high school as far as I know.
Thank you! I am looking into some programs hereā¦ not much so far. The PACT program sounds awesome! I think my best resource will be my brotherās social worker, just gotta get an introduction! 
You sound like strong woman, too! (like your daughter) Congrats on the graduation! Thatās so exciting and a huge milestone, especially with the other challenges sheās been facing. Thanks again for the resources to check out (including your blog!) Iāll check them out!
I agree with kid sister, a third party would help. It doesnāt necessarily have to be some body on the psychiatric team but I think that would be ideal.
Hi @Just_the_sister, I see that you last posted months ago, but I expect youāre still dealing with this situation.
Mine is very similar, although itās been less time. My brother is in his mid 20s (Iām a few years older), and living with my parents. And Iām wondering how to approach conversations about how the future is handled.
Did you have much luck turning to outside sources for assistance? And if so, what were the groups?
Iām very interested in how youāre approaching this. āFrustratedā doesnāt even begin to describe.
Hi @lee You are rightā¦ frustration doesnāt begin to describe it! At first, we were in crisis and I felt very much a part of the conversations because āfutureā was day by day. Now, however, it has been very difficult to discuss future planning. Iāve tried talking privately with my parents, they have become defensive, so itās been awhile since Iāve brought it up. Iāve chosen to have more conversations with my brotherā¦ in the beginning my conversations were pretty pointed and maybe not as tactful as they could have been. For example, I told him that I wasnāt going to cook and clean for him. That he needed to figure some things out. Obviously, that didnāt go so wellā¦ He doesnāt see himself as completely lacking in motivation (as I do at times). We argued, disagreed, argued and disagreed some more. I joined this group as a means of discussing my frustrations and trying to figure out a way to communicate with him, as I figure when my parents are no longer able to care for him, Iām all thatās left! (And Iām not prepared to be my Mom!!) So Iāve restarted my communication with him. Itās been very slow, as I have begun this process by listening to him and talking less. Iāve made a few statements about my future retirement plans (weāre in our 40s so Iām closer to this than you!). My brother has expressed concern with his future which has opened the door someā¦ For example, he has shared that reading documents (Ssi paperwork and medical stuff usually) really upsets him as heās paranoid of being taken advantage ofā¦ this is a task Iām willing to help him with in the future. He has shared that some days he can go to the grocery store alone with no problem and other days people around really upset him. Again, Iām willing and able to help with this. I think thatās pretty specific but we havenāt talked about the ābigā stuff like where are you going to live! I guess to answer your questions, be honest, be direct but also be very open to the idea that you may not understand your brotherās needs and willing to listenā¦ I have not had much luck with outside assistance. I think this is due to this being my brother and parents domain and I havenāt been included much. Also, my brother has paranoid schizophrenic, which has made it difficult for anyone to come into his house. Iām working on getting an introduction to his case manager. I have gotten a name and more information than I had but she just calls or checks in (he usually goes to her) in order to maintain disability. I donāt think my family is taking advantage of what may be available. I hope this helps someā¦
It sounds like little by little things are on the mend for you and your brother. When my brother was not doing well at all, I couldnāt just say-āyou have to do your share of the cleaningā because first for him, it was very overwhelming.
He wanted to help, and pull his share, but fist, he didnāt see the point and second, he had forgotten how. My parents have always been my back-up. They helped me start slow. I would do the dishes and as for my brother to help. Then I would do less of this process and let him do a little more. Now he got that down. Laundry, budgeting money, shopping, itās all getting better. It had to start small.
Iām glad he has a case manager. I hope you can talk to your parents and start having that hard conversation with them so they will start including you.
Itās not easy and it does take a lot of help. The thing that helped me was getting to support group and getting ideas when I had none left of my own.
I hope things continue to get better for you.
Thank you for letting me post.
Iām still struggling with what the main goal is here. To plan his future? To make him more independent?
Maybe just hang out and listen to him when he wants to talk. Without being judgmental, or probing him with questions. Try it for a few weeks/months. Then you can have a better idea.
Ask your parents if they have a plan for when they are gone, because you need to know if you are a part of it. Simple, straightforward.
Iām not trying to be harsh. I understand you are here out of love (show him the site?). Butā¦live your life. Help as you can. Iām not sure your parents, or your brother have asked you to give up your future. Realize also, he might not have any interest in being here some days. That makes it incredibly difficult to plan a future. Someone else will likely have to make that choice.
You know what they say - the squeaky wheel gets the grease. In these situations, the child who has fewer needs often gets neglected - itās not a choice anyone consciously makes but it happens a lot.
As my parents age, I often wish my sister would get her act together and help out, instead of burdening themā¦but this is what they allow and I cannot see it changing.
What I did do was tell my mum that I felt invisible for 15 years - Iāve done so much for them and all Iāve wanted in return was a few moments with my own parents where my sisters issue donāt take centre stage. We now have that - a day a fortnight where itās just us.
Iām not sure whether or not youāll be able to change your brother but mentioning some things to him and giving him some options might help. In the meantime, tell your parents that youād like to have some time with them. For me, that was a great thing.
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Iām sorry you weāre in this situation. It makes me sad when kids get neglected. Iām glad you have a better relationship with your parents now.
This is one of the constant waves of guilt that my family battles through. As I was getting worse and worse, my many other siblings were feeling more and more invisible. This is one of the issues our family is trying to heal from. Things are better then they were, but there is still more improvement to make.
my brother is 6ā3ā¦ 360 pounds, he is hearing voices so bad he blames us for his downfall in life, he isnt harmful to others, well not yet but he does yell out loud at times, my mom doesnt want to do anything, she hopes to get by while she is alive but when she goes his money is gone, not my problem, he says we are the problem like everyone is against himā¦ my mom left the house to the grandkids, so we can all stay here till will we pass, but he will get violent when money runs out, i wont pay his billsā¦ an i cant move a gf in, so they just disappear, oh wellā¦
Welcome to the forum, if your brother has been diagnosed he could apply for social security, SSI if he never worked, SSDI if he qualifies. Needing money can be a way to motivate him.
he was diagnosed 22 years ago but never got any medication for itā¦ since then he says he doesnt have a problemā¦ so he wont go get helpā¦
Some people have applied on behalf of their family members. Social Security will even arrange for a psych evaluation. Benefits wonāt start unless your brother signs (agrees) to them.
The tricky part can be getting your brother on board with the idea. This is where Dr Amadorās LEAP method can help. I told my son his benefits were from a new program that President Obama had started to help people. He was a big fan of President Obama.
Sometimes you have to figure out a way to use their issues or desires to help them.
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Reminds me of a poster who was able to get their loved ones to take psych meds by white-lying that the meds would help another medical condition that the loved one acknowledged having.
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Yes, and you know, I never worried that it was lying, I felt I was inventively using the situation in front of me to help my son.
We were fortunate, Mikeās SS social worker listened to my concerns about the āsign the paper work in personā meeting. After we checked in, she had us brought quickly back to her office space. She never said the word disability, she spoke to him gently and kindly. She pointed to where he should sign and suggested that he should ālet momā handle the details. Mike agreed and she suggested he could wait out in the car while she finished up with me.
Mike was in his early 30ās and clearly showed his brain disorder by dress and mannerisms - but -only if you were familiar with the symptoms. He was happy to leave and she was as relieved as I was to see him head out to the parking lot.
I told my Family to Family mentor that the SS worker couldnāt have handled it better. Her response - ānot her first rodeoā.
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