Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Help? My Son Adam


#1

It has been since 2005 I have been on here. My son Adam was diagnosed in 2004 with paranoid schizophrenia and this web site was very supportive and a life saver for me with lots of advice. Sorry this will be long but it’s been long time I’ve been on and now I need help!!

My son was also diagnosed with dual diagnosis along with his schizophrenia in 2004.

He stopped taking his meds which was abilify and geodon and cogentin, lexapro and Wellbutrin back in summer of 2011 and has refused since that time to ever take them!

He is addicted to Meth, which he was doing before he initially was diagnosed in 2004.

He has been in Visalia for last 3 years near my ex’s mother house, (Adams grand mother ) due to we got separated due to I was out of work and no money and I had to go live with family, so he wanted to live with his grandmother at that time. I would go visit him time to time. Then I made a trip to see him once, and found him in a pretty much abandoned home where he was paying rent to live at, and everyone had moved out basically, and found out he had been in jail for drug possession for meth in Feb 2014, and he never called his grandma or me. He spent a week in jail.

Things changed rather quickly which was a miracle how it came about because he was ordered to go to drug court in Visalia and never went and had a warrant and was picked up for acting wierd one day, and put in jail on his warrant and was there about 3-4 days and judge ordered him a second time around, to go to drug court and he got out of jail and then his grandma who lived in Visalia took him down one day to courthouse and asked judge if he could live near me and judge ok’d it and over night I found myself finding him a place to live and trying to get him assigned or signed up in my town for drug court and a place for him to live and a doctor appt. etc.

He has been psychotic since I first saw him in April 2014. When all this unraveled! He gnashes or grinds his teeth, his teeth are so messed up looked decayed but he refuses to see a dentist, his facial expressions literally change so drastically as he laughs and it almost seems he has a look of pain and it’s like u can see his skeletal bones due to the intensity of what is happening.

He always use to be low key and patient and just nice and sweet to me but he was on his meds at that time, and now he gets loud and abusive verbally and disrespectful towards me if he doesn’t get what he wants or if he wants me to go away he will yell and be disrespectful and his tone of voice literally changed, like he is a different person.

He flocks to the homeless and brings them back to his duplex where he and a roommate live. He still does drugs. I only give him 5.00 a day and pack of cigarettes. He loves energy drinks and when I got him moved here I took him to be evaluated and I will always be thankful that the lady on duty that night admitted him as being gravely disabled and he was so upset! He was mad!

He was there 3 days and realized they wanted him to take his meds so he did after 2 days and was on Haldol 5mg 3 x a day and cogentin and he really sprung back it seemed quickly , but as soon as they let him go home he has refused to take meds or go to a doctor or anything. When I try and I say try, because he is psychotic and yet aware in a lot of ways surprisingly, to try and talk to him and get him to take his meds or go to dentist or see doctor he says No and walks away from me and doesn’t like to really talk more than a moment with me.

He is dealing with so much that he just isn’t the son I knew. When we were on the way to get him a haircut recently he changed his mind in my car and said I was driving slow like a murderer does , and he got mad and angry and upset and yelled and wanted to go home and he hit my car on the inside and then he wanted his 5.00 and we got into it. He had to go to his drug class that night and told me if I didn’t give his money not to come back because he wasn’t going to go and I drove off and didn’t give him money, and I drove around and cooled off and found him sitting on ground by liqour store.

He was looking for cigarette butts and I walked up to him calmly and we talked and I gave him pack of smokes and took him to drug class. We made it through that one day and night. But it tears me apart! I feel like he had tied my hands back and I can’t help him. He is 30 yrs old now.

I know and really believe the main problem is his drug addiction right now and trying to break through that and go to next step with his illness is impossible it seems!!

When I talk about meds and doctor appts and try to get him to comply he says Therapy? Therapy? As if it is a question to me? He says he wants or is open to therapy, but I’m so discouraged because he has changed his mind a lot on things, and won’t take meds or see doctor and just sleeps and walks a lot.

He also charged 200.00 worth of porno on cable in sept/oct but that was also fault of landlord who had no pin or lock on those or any channels that are not included with cable plan, so we had to get that all straightened out!

He use to write rap music and poems and had sense of humor back in 2010 but now he just walks, wants meth and smokes and it’s just so sad. I’ve never seen him get so angry and so often as I’ve seen him in the past year, to the point I am worried what he would do to me when he turns into a different angry person with tone change like he isn’t even my son!

He gets loud and his voice changes and even his accent changes at times when he gets mad. He talks to voices outloud and will say no! No! Like a command! Then he will raise his hand saying Jesus! He will talk to females and say hi sweetheart how are you, that are older Lego are just walking down the street, and he does it like he has known them for years! He doesn’t know them at all!

He picks up smokes, from ground, bushes, anywhere and food and drinks and he puts vegetable oil all over his baked chicken and puts loads of salt , just bizarre! on his. Cakes butter on his pizza.

When he was put on 51/50 this past July, the doctor diagnosed him with disorganized schizophrenia. He throws his clothes everywhere and wears dirty clothes and sometimes even makes wierd sounds like an animal like he is choking or coughing up a fur ball.

He really needs help and no one cares and says he has rights , that’s all I hear, and as long as he is eating even if eating out of garbage can I was told the day they released him from hospital by social worker at the hospital, that even if getting food in garbage, then he is caring for himself and it is hard to get conservatetship.

I feel like I’m just trying to keep him a float but then what? When I talk about programs to get him in for rehab he won’t agree to go and so basically doesn’t want to talk or get help of any kind. What would u do? What should I do? I have done so so much , just since April to help him. Not to mention the last ten years!

You wouldn’t believe how much I have fought Trying to get him help etc. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Im tired and trying to find work and I literally have to tell myself no matter what happens it is going to be ok and just breathe and take one day at a time and realizing I have to let go unless he wants and asks for my help but the hardest part for me is watching him and see his teeth deteriorate and see him messed up and doesn’t keep his hygiene up as he should and walks out all hours of night in unsafe town.

So with all this I have to still check myself and let go and not feel bad like its my fault he doesn’t get or want or take care of his teeth or safety and health. Lastly, he has a 34 yr brother and 29 yr sister who never go to see him and never ask about him who live within 10.20 minutes from him, they both have a child, but they don’t ask or offer to help me or ask about him or go see him. Besides God, I’m alone physically to deal with this. They are not interested in even really hearing about him.


#2

I read the whole thing. What he really needs is a heart to heart talk with him from someone he will listen too. Someone who can cut through the bull*hit and tell him, “Look, you’re wrecking your life. The way your acting now is wrecking any possible future you have. If you wreck your teeth you will have to live with that for the next thirty years”. Someone to tell him, “You’re killing yourself.Your mother is the only one who really cares about you on this whole planet and you’re dragging her down with you”. That person could tell him, 'You’re not living even close to a normal life.Some people who have schizophrenia take their meds, go to school, raise families, work etc." Ask him what he REALLY wants from life and tell him he won’t EVER get it by being on drugs". He might answer that he just wants to do drugs until he dies, but I think deep down he is like all of us and wants a normal life with nice friends, a nice girlfriend, etc. I’ve seen hopeless cases turn their lives around. Maybe by some miracle someone could get through to him and make him see his whole lifestyle is wrong and that there are happy people out there who live good lives because they are not on drugs.

All of this is easy for me to say, right?

But believe it or not in over 24 years of AA I have heard of people who were far worse off than your son and they found recovery. I hope someone here can help you, good luck.


#3

I am really sorry that your son is going through this horrible time and you are suffering with him. I am sure many from this forum would certainly share some very helpful suggestions with you.

What I think is ask him directly that how you can help him. Maybe he would be more open if you ask him directly. Ask him things like what bothers him, why does he not want to keep hygiene, is he angry with any one… Questions which could bring his inner self out. Perhaps ask him to realise the love you have for your son. Does he help you in household work? Try to involve him slowly in maintaining the stuff. Share some very basic responsibilities and when he fulfils partially or completely, encourage him…Tell him what difference it made for you no matter how small or ordinary it is. Ask him which hobby he would have if he doesn’t have any. I am sure you’d be very careful in front of him when referring others. Just be polite for others specially in front of him. Even if you had a bad day or something bad happened to you, avoid to discuss this in front of him. Do not curse over anything or show temper in front of him for others. Take things lightly at least in his presence. For example, if he breaks something or doesn’t do as you say, please don’t be angry at him. Tell him politely that this isn’t how things are done, but in spite of all this you still love him and would continue loving him.

I can understand that this is a hard time but I am sure your son will feel better one day.


#4

Hi Patience. Welcome back.

My son is 20, dual diagnoses. His addiction is marijuana.

A lot of what you wrote reminds me of my son. Verbally abusive and disrespectful when not getting his own way. Doesn’t want to get help that he doesn’t think that he needs.

I’m afraid I don’t have many answers. I’m currently in the process of trying to get power of attorney so that I can do my best to limit the damage that my son’s actions are causing himself. At the moment he is agreeing to give it to me.

Some of these links may be of some help:

http://www.leapinstitute.org/ - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner.

http://dramador.com/ - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.
Search Xavier Amador and LEAP on youtube.com and you should find some long videos

http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/index.php - under problems you will see anosognosia
Anosognosia looks like denial but is different.

http://lesswrong.com/lw/e25/bayes_for_schizophrenics_reasoning_in_delusional/ - helped my understand delusions

http://www.nami.org/ - National Alliance on Mental Illness.
http://www.schizophrenia.ca/ - Schizophrenia Society of Canada

Can also find some very useful information here:
http://schizophrenia.com/


#5

i am really sorry for you, it must be so hard watching your son, i think you are doing the right thing though, sticking by him when no-one else will, he needs a lot of help and i think you should just be patient with him and try and help him, he has no-one else and you are his mum, its his illness, i hope he gets on his meds again and stays on them, i really hope things work out.


#6

I read the whole thing as well. And contrary to nicks advice I would prepose a different route.

If I were in your situation, I would probably decide to cut Adam off from all financial resources including his 5 bucks per day and his daily pack of cigarettes even. No matter how much he crys and how he behaves.

Here’s why. Because this will cause him to break and then the situation will change and have to go in either of 2 directions.

He will either get his act toga there after a few months of eating and smoking straight trash and realize he can no longer keep this life style up.

Or (most likely) he will go primal and get aggressive and violent and possibly even result in ending up on the wrong side of the law. However, this can actually be considered gain because if go does turn violent and aggressive these actions will get him instatutionalized which will give him the best chance he has to get clean and get help.

Meth addiction is no joke… And since he has schizophrenia he probably doesn’t even know what he’s doing and he’s never going to be able to break the addiction himself.

You want him to break… So that there is no choice but for a 3rd party to step in.

If you continue to support him even with meager means… He’s just going to ride this out and just weather and decay over a long period of time.

That’s probably what I would do. But yeah you’d definatly have to take the cigarettes away and he’ll break for sure. Then he’ll do something that would allow him to be held against his will. But yeah even 5 bucks a day can get him a bump of meth that will just sustain the addiction.

Idk… I think that’s your best shot… And then when he attacks you get him locked up in the hospital for as long as you can. But be prepared for him to attack you.


#7

Continuing down this route, sounds like he will end up involuntarily in a hospital, which might be the only way he will receive treatment. Don’t give up on him, as you’re all he has. You seem to be his last bit of hope that keeps Adam hanging on. I wouldn’t consider $5 enabling him. When he does go through the recovery process he will need your Love and support then more than ever. If he starts showing signs of improvement, seek out the rest of your family to encourage him through the rest of the process.


#8

You can buy a pack of cigarettes per day with five dollars and thus self medicate. You need him to snap.


#9

I just think that pack of cigarettes keeps him and his father having a connection. If he feels he’s lost his father and the only person left in his life he could easily give up all together. He’ll find cigarettes one way or another, bumming, or finding halfies. You can’t replace the loss of your only family support left, loss of hope would likely follow. I see where you’re coming from though snowy.


#10

But people with sz can often not be able to get a job or socialize period.
I am unusual that I was able to marry, maybe because hubbie has problems of his own.
I think many with sz may be better off alone as marriage can be very stressful.
I think my time alone made me stronger.
Look at how many normals divorce.
I must have a mild case I believe and the best in Psychiatric care to find the best med for me.
It took years and many different trials.

I had left home to get away from ‘bothering’ my parents. Then they couldn’t see me disintegrate.
When I returned, my family learned to tip toe around me. Always on the lookout for signs and then the would back off any stress until I was able to get back to my schedule.


#11

I think the thread is getting a fair bit off topic from the original post of someone needing help with their son.


#12

Thank you very much for your comment. My son does not live with me. He lives in a room and board situation and I brought up to the owner how she has cock roaches and she never buys milk and brings the food over to the duplex, so they can’t cook. Since Adam moved in there this past July, all she ever has in fridge is mustard, ketchup and some frozen bread and a few pot pies. There was a 3rd room mate that just moved in and she moved Adam to the other bed in the same room, which is the bed he doesn’t like, and gave his bed to the Incredible 300 pound new room mate. Adam never ever complains, so I spoke up and she didn’t like it and basically wants Adam out now. She over charges rent for each of them. Rates usually are 475-650 per month and to share a room. She tried to get 1000.00 out of me saying the others pay that. I told her no. I would give her 700.00.
She accepted. Found out no one pays her 1000.00.
The new guy, Incredible Hulk, says she is really trying to get her hands on his money and that she is greedy!
So I was in contact with the county mental health people to get advice and referrals Etc,
I wanted to have him out by Jan 1st but I decided I might need til end of Jan. So I told the lady that owns that place and she text me back ok and then at 930am today she text me back saying Adam has to be out 2 weeks and that she doesn’t like or want me talking to the room mates about problems with their laundry and food etc., because that’s her problem.
Plus, she has been keeping the Incredible Hulk busy last couple days so he not there to tell me stuff!! So I text her back this morning to tell her Adam cannot be out until end of January! He is SSI and can’t pay her rent and then move in mid month to a new place and pay them rent too. She also conspires and I’m concerned she will try to screw my son. Example: she doesn’t like one of the room mates so she told me one day she is going to wait until she finds pot in his room and call the police when he is gone and she will have me come get my son. She also told the incredible hill to call the police the next time my psychotic son tries to climb through the bathroom window and tell the police he was trying to break into the apartment! When Incredible Hulk told me she said that, I called her back and told her she would be lying because he pays her rent and lives there and she doesn’t give any of them keys!! I spoke to county today and they want me to call patients rights and have them investigate!
My son is still not taking his meds. Been off since 2011, but got him on them this past July when they kept him on 72 hr hold and as soon as he got out he stopped meds!
He also dual diagnosis and I would give him 5.00 every other day or two, and now cannot even do that and he yelled and shouted at me today and told me to leave and let him sleep and said a bunch of psychotic stuff not making sense!! He was mad because I will only give him cigarettes now because he takes the 5.00 and goes walking all night long comes home at 4,5:00 and was bringing homeless into the house etc. I will buy him what he wants, I just won’t give him cash now because he most likely doing meth even with 5.00.
He was walking around in big rain for a day or two and his pajamas, and his shoes disappeared! When I kept asking what happened to his shoes he says, they got Sold!
Climbs through a tiny bathroom window and won’t listen and ring door bell, even if it’s 5:00 am. I don’t live with him and there is no phone in the house so I don’t know when he is there or walking at night.
Not to mention he had medi/medi and no services whatsoever in this county but if I transfer and get him help 20 minutes away, he can get full county services. So my next step or plan of action is to keep going and wait until he has no where to go and then he will have to decide shelter, homeless or go to the hospital and get treated and they will transfer him out and place him somewhere and he will have services and get help im hoping! For drug and mental health. Long story I know, that’s how crazy it is right now the night before Christmas Eve.


#13

Thank you very much for your encouragement and support.


#14

Thank you! I watched some of these videos while I would sit in my car wIting for my son to get through with his one hour DEJ Drug Deversion Classes, each Tuesday. He actually made it through and completed them all!! It was and it is a total Miracle! He goes back to court in Febuary to show proof of completion. Problem is…he still won’t take meds, doing drugs even if he can only have $5.00 so I don’t even give him 5.00 cash now because of this reason and just give him cigarettes and if he wants something I told him I will buy it he is very angry about this and yelled and shouted and screamed at me to the point his face and eyes change, because I won’t give him cash!
He wouldn’t go to doctor with me today to try and get him help and walks around during middle night/morning hours, climbs through bathroom window that is barely wide or long enough for a baby to fit through. He is psychotic and just found out today his dishonest and greedy landlord wants him out because I brought up to her about the issues with not properly feeding the men all 3 of hem living in that apartment she owns, and she has cock roaches and a bunch of other stuff. So she wants him out and I was hoping to have him out by jan 1st but due to holidays etc., I told her afterwards that I would keep her posted once I’m able to find a place and she texted back ok last night and then text me 930am day before Christmas Eve and said she give him 2 weeks and I said no! He can’t be out until end of January! I didn’t hear back from her. So I don’t know, but she actually told one of the guys to call police on my son if he tries to climb through bathroom window and tell them he is trying to break into house. The room mate told me this and said he doesn’t want to get involved! I called her and confronted her and she didn’t deny it and I told her that would be a Lie!! You don’t even give any of them keys! So I will be calling patients rights to report and have investigation done. Way too much going on!! It’s killing me.


#15

Hello. Thank you very much. Your advice has a lot of wisdom. Easy said then done but I have stopped giving the 5.00 and he is not happy!! He was yelling at me and shouting and screaming, as if he was in a torture chamber today. Didn’t even want me to but him anything he likes with his money! He wanted his 5.00 and I wouldn’t and won’t give it to him and so he demanded I leave and shut up and let him sleep. He was very disrespectful and he is psychotic talking about CIA and saying bunch of stuff not in relation to the money. I posted on others comments so u can see what going on as of 12.23/14.


#16

Thank you so much! We are going through a rough time right now but I know that God is working on Purpose on Adams behalf and it always looks darker before the dawn!! He will help Adam! I got his Word on it. God don’t lie either! Just have to remain thankful and steadfast without wavering!
I believe the dawn is near like a woman in child birth. Adam is felling it too. I believe he is really fighting and is a small but aware of the reality he needs help but fighting, struggling! God will help him! Not only do I help my son with absolutely no help from anyone, except my daughter who is a year younger then Adam, but I pray and pray hard for him! God will not forget me or Adam. just a matter of time. I stopped the 5.00 currently because I don’t think it is enabling but he even gets drugs with 5.00 and bringing homeless into the apartment he lives at with 2 other guys, who don’t like it!
So currently not giving him cash but I do give him smokes. He is mad! Yelled, screamed and shouted at me today because he couldn’t have his 5.00.
He says he is an adult but he is also psychotic and denies he does drugs!
His reality is messed up for sure!
I told him I will get him what he wants and needs and offered to get him stuff and he was mad and said no get out go away. All he wanted was that 5.00.


#17

His father was abusive and he still brings him up to me. Two days ago I was at my sons apartment and he said, as we stood in the hallway by the bathroom …,
He says, you see that toilet, that is dad, the King, the king and u see that little trash can that is mom.
I understand what he is trying to communicate and I responded telling him, " you still talk about your father."
The only person actively and compassionately and faithfully involved and committed is Me his mother. As a giving person and a mother who hurts to the point in in physical pain from the heart pain , I guess right now I can only handle taking the cash part away and I probably will end up stopping the smokes if I see he is trading or selling them etc. He supposedly sold his shoes the other. Day and was walking in the pouring heavy rain for two days and didn’t complain!


#18

@Patience

I have a really hard time to read walls of text. I know I’m not alone. Try making spaces between your pieces of text.

Like this. It is much easier to read for us with short memory and attention span.

I wish you a peaceful christmas. :slight_smile:


#19

That is very sad. I really feel for you and your son. Can you recall at what age all this started? Just out of interest, what do you think would have contributed mainly for his present state. You said that he wasn’t always like that. He used to love you and be more open towards you.

The house owner’s behaviour is really very mean. The people who need help should not be treated like this in any way. If you have any state/country wide law service for people with disability, you should contact them. They may provide you some good advice and/or referrals based on your situation. Is the house owner a carer too? I mean does she provide food, cleaning and laundry services?

Adam usually lies in his room. I am just thinking what positive thing can grab his attention…In the past when his state was relatively better, had he have any favourite activity? Or something about which he wouldn’t complain much. If you could find any person in his life whom he trusts, I guess she/he will surely be helpful. His state is really getting bad and if no sensible steps are taken, it may get worse.

If he brings homeless people with him, there may be two reasons for that. One is, he really cares for the people and somehow he is relating his present state with them. So probably his fear of going homeless is bringing emotions for them. Second, maybe he wants a company from the people who are below than him. I mean someone who would understand him without being judgemental of his present condition. There could be some other reasons as well like maybe he is bringing them for drugs. Maybe he is getting drugs in exchange of the favour but I believe that human emotions are the subconscious reason for many concious needs.

I hope you’d find some very good help very soon and Adam’s condition will start improving. This is just a suggestion. If Adam is not physically abusive and violent towards strangers, ask a volunteer to spend some time of a week with him. Maybe register with the local community’s volunteer service provider. Ask them to advertise for you that you need someone who could spare an hour or so to spend with your son. Please do discuss this with Adam beforehand. I wish he could agree for this. I am emphasizing on volunteers because they can provide the care and attention which probably a paid person won’t be able to provide. Not all are good but some really are very good people and their actions are usually genuine. Try getting help from some university student willing to volunteer. Please do this only if Adam agrees with it…

Wishing you and Adam a beautiful, colourful and full of joys Christmas and new year. Please keep us updated on how you are going with Adam.