When I was a kid and my brother got hospitalized, there was nothing scarier. I wasn’t scared of my brother, I was scared of the hospital. I hate to say it, but when my parents would ask me if he was talking to his head again, giggling to himself again, slipping into inappropriate behavior, I wouldn’t tell them that he was. I was afraid that if I told them, they would have him sent away again. So I was not helping his recovery. He got sicker and then it was back to the hospital. I used to think if I could just talk him into taking his pills, he wouldn’t have to go to that scary place that made him so sad. So when he got sent back to hospital, I always felt like I failed.
But I had to admit, when he got out, things did seem easier, he was sort of back to his old self for a while. He could answer my questions and he would come outside and play with me. He was calmer and more interactive. But still in my mind, hospital was a scary place to be avoided.
I deeply surprised myself just now. My ex-b.f who I met through my brothers Sz group, has been crumbling for a while now. I’ve been feeling like a very bad person for hoping that he’d hit the bottom soon. But I was thinking that if he could just find the bottom of the free fall, then recovery could begin.
His parents called They feel awful and they felt like they had failed. My ex-b.f. finally hit that point last night, his parents had to call the crisis team and he’s in hospital this morning. As I listened, I actually told them that it’s good that he’s there, he’ll get the help he needs, and healing and stabilization will begin, and he will start to come back to himself.
As I was saying this I was thinking, “who is this person saying this?” Even a few years ago you’d never hear me saying this. Maybe I’m growing up, but I am pretty shocked at myself for this. I don’t know if my perceptions are changing due to growing up, reading this site and seeing people who got help, got back on their feet and are getting better, or if hospitals have changed. I bet it’s a little of all of it.
If there are new family and siblings on this site, please don’t see hospitalization as failure. Please see it as an intervention and the beginning of healing. Getting your loved one to help sooner then later can have a huge and positive impact on recovery.
Thank you for letting me post.