My son was working, keeping intouch, and doing ok for a while but he’s not doing so good now. He some how convinced his PD that he wanted to take pills instead of the shot. My son stopped taking his pills and now he is more distant from me and our family than ever. My son has his own appartment now. Sometimes I don’t hear from him unless he wants to ask me for money. Lately I don’t hear from him very often. He has blocked all our family from calling his cell phone and we don’t know why. I can’t help but wonder what is going on with him or if he is safe. I really don’t know what to do. I just want him to take his meds and have some sort of a normal life. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to deal with this situation?
If you can get him to live with you, you’ll have more leeway over his medication.
This book is pivotal:
“I Am Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment”
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I think you can link his med compliance with benefits. I did that and it worked until it didn’t. Then my son relapsed he is an alcoholic- almost died then I told the er it was a suicide attempt so they keep him then he asked to go to rehab - and the beat goes on .
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Hi Jeannet,
How did you get your son’s benefits tied to his treatment. I’ve always said this should be a requirement.
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I know others have had judges link once a month shots to release. With my son my husband and I own the apt he lives in. We have linked allowing him to live there with daily aa meetings and meds/ care team. Additionally he is actively looking for work and once employed he must contribute to his rent as a proportion of his take home pay
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one thing i would say to all parents/caregivers do not take too personally the behaviour of your son/daughter …this illness is so controlling…the sufferer is far from where they want to be…i know my son was very distressed and deluded when he first got ill…he even spat in my face on one occasion because of some delusion he had…we’ve gotten over it now…i forgive him…he was not well…schziophrenia does this to them
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I am in the same kind of place as you right now @Believing since my son has stopped taking his meds. I think he has anosognosia so all I can do is accept him where he is at and love him no matter what. It sounds awful but sometimes I wish for another emergency hospitalisation so he will be put on meds again even though I know he would be distressed. I keep hoping he will recognise his delusions as delusions and want help, but at this point he doesn’t and he has become distant and suspicious of his family.
As far as wanting a “normal life” for him, I have accepted that I need to shift my focus onto the new “normal” and accept what is rather than what could have been. I am now in the place between grieving the could-have-been and accepting the what-is. Because of this I am feeling more positive than I have for the past two years.
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You are a better person than I. All I do is grieve the loss of the life we expected our child to have. He is a brilliant and awesome young man no more. I am overcome with the loss. I hope someday I will be more accepting and accept the What-Is as you have.
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@kope, give yourself time. Its a process without shortcuts. In the early days I told a nurse quite firmly - This is NOT my son! Later I joined a NAMI discussion forum that actually had a parent with the forum name of “thisisnotmyson” Bless her heart, if I remember correctly, she did lose her son, I hope they have both found peace. Just her painful forum name helped me realize I wasn’t alone.
Dr. Amador’s LEAP process helped me see my son and showed me how to help him learn to trust me again. Take care of yourself, hope
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@kope, I hear you. Grief is normal. All I can say is keep hoping for him. I am a believer that life is all about relationships, and how we treat each other is so important. I have to see our situation as an opportunity to bond together and keep each other safe otherwise what is the point of it? Everyone finds their own way of coping and I guess trying to see every bit of good no matter how small is how I manage. I keep in touch with him, send him messages to show I love him, let him know he is always welcome in our home, tell him I am proud of him for his achievements no matter what they are. Who knows what he may achieve in his life.
I would encourage you to read Professor Ellyn Saks’ memoir “The Center Cannot Hold”. She is a brilliant person and suffers from chronic schizophrenia and has been an inspiration for us.
Look after yourself. I’ve found support groups can be helpful, and reaching out to others who understand, such as on this site.
x
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Thank you so much for your input. You are correct about how we treat each other. Even though he is full of anger and dismisses everything anyone suggests or says we try to stay positive. I hope that someday soon we can get through to him. I appreciate the book recommendation and will definitely get it. I try to find hopeful stories about people who are living meaningful lives with this illness but it’s not easy.
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I am right there with you. 
Excellent book! the first book I read that gave me such great insight!
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