Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My girlfriend left me for another man

Hello all, I sit here writing feeling sad and hopeless. My ex girlfriend and mother of my 12 old daughter has recently broke up with me and kicked me out. She began dating another man within a week and posting pictures with him. She has cut off all communication with me and is so cold hearted. We had a argument the day of then incident. I woke her up to discuss it and she completely turned into a different person. The anger and rage on her face is unforgettable. She tried to pepper spray me but I was able to get away. She has no remorse or feelings towards me. Just weeks ago she loved me so much. We lived together and did everything. The same day she kicked me out , she also emptied my savings account. I’m left in debt with several bills to pay and she does not care. It hurts so bad to be treated this way. Some days I just cry and constantly think of her.
She was diagnosed over a year ago. During her first , what i would describe as a psychotic breakdown or mania, I took her to the hospital because I knew something was wrong. I have known her since we were teenagers. The hospital kept her and that was the beginning of this roller coaster. Since then she has repeatedly blamed me for ruining her life and future. She had dreams of being in law enforcement. She never took her meds or accepted her diagnosis after being released. To make a long story short, she ended up leaving me and my daughter for six months. It was the worst time of my life. Me and my daughter both got counseling. When she called me to return i gladly welcomed her back. It was great to have the woman I love back. I admit that I got comfortable as if nothing ever happened when she returned. It’s like I completely forgot all the terrible things she did ; put a restraining order against me, said I taped her, tried to take my daughter away, and more. I often ask myself if I was a better man would things be different. We have both did our share of bad things to each other but I didn’t see this happening. Things were good for about 5 months until this last incident. I feel so hurt and uncertain. Some days anger. How can she throw our love away and start with a new guy this fast. It’s tearing me apart. I would love to hear anyone’s thoughts or opinions on my situation. Sorry if I unloaded a lot.

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This is heartbreaking but she’s a completely different person now. You can’t get her back. There’s nothing to be done. Just try to get some court-ordered contact with your daughter and find another partner.

You can’t negotiate with someone who is like that. You can’t force a psychotic person to like you.

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@Chris94603 so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you can find a good counselor and a support system for you and your daughter. Dealing with someone who has this illness and is not on medication is heartbreaking. Think of your child and start trying to heal.

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Thank you for responding and the advice. Your right , there is no negotiating. I have been trying to move forward but the pain and emotion is still fresh. I’m trying to stay strong

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Thank you for responding. My daughter is one of the only things keeping me strong. I know I must be for her. It just kills me that my daughter is also going through some of the same feelings as I am

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I’m glad you’re here. I think it’s important to vent and come here for support. That is what you need right now. Taking small steps for you and your family. There are no quick answers today. It’s hard to sit in when you are in pain. Having faith and hope that it will get better is what you need. Strong boundaries. Acceptance that you love someone with mental illness is hard but the first step. We are here for you.

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@Mrsbigsky thank you for your words. They give me some strength during this difficult time and made my day better. I will keep my faith strong.

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Hi Chris , so sorry to hear your troubles , even though you can not change anything try and remember that its the disease Not her that caused you pain and i pray one day she will start taking meds and get better . Somedays i need to remind myself when my son is having a bad day that its this horrific disease and Not him .When you are in a fight with someone that is delusional it is impossible to convince them about reality . One day at a time and your focus should be on your beautiful daughter right now …

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Hi Chris, I am so glad that you found this site. I believe you will find very good advice, warm compassion for what you are going through, and a way to educate yourself on mental illness in general and schizophrenia in particular.

One of the hardest lessons to learn is to forgive yourself for whatever you think could have been done better in the past. If you acted with love and care in your heart the majority of the time you were together, then most likely, nothing you could have done differently in the past would have made her bad actions toward you any different now. You did NOT cause her mental illness. Somehow it happened to her. Schizophrenia affects everyone who cares about the ill person sort of like a ring in a calm lake after a stone drops in the lake, the rings expand outward in waves and nothing can stop them.

Please keep coming here and reading and posting. I was on here in despair many nights when my daughter first became ill. I was helped greatly by the posts on this site. I hope we can all help you.

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@Linda thank you. Your prayers are greatly appreciated. I constantly need to remind myself that it is the disease. Some days it’s hard to see that because in many ways she is still herself or the way I remember her.i pray for you also and your son. Thank you for your support

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@oldladyblue thank you. I’m glad I found this site. The support is heart warming. Your description of a ring in a calm lake is exactly how it feels. I thought I could help her or she would realize how much damage is being done but I now see there is nothing I can do for her besides take care of our daughter. I will continue to come to this site. It really helps on my bad days when I am full of sadness

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The sadness will always be there, it is certainly a grieving process. If you are in the USA, I highly recommend trying to connect up with a NAMI support group or class. Try not to give up hope. Sometimes circumstances you can’t predict come together to make things better.

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Hello Chris,
I have a 27 yr old son named Chris. :raising_hand_woman:
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this time in your life. It is not easy to give advice because everyones lives are so different, but I can say that you are trying your best and that you have a big heart. Coming here and sharing with us is a big step and we are here for you. Your daughter is lucky to have you. She will grow to be strong as you are now. Your girlfriend is not herself because of this disease. She may never be herself again if she doesn’t continue to seek the help she needs. You might want to consider just moving forward for your daughter as well as your daughter. It would be healthier for the both of you. Keep in touch with your ex when possible and let her know you will always want the best for her. I think for now thats the best you can do.
Stay Strong Chris. :muscle: :pray:
-Tina

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@Tina Thank you for taking the time to respond. Also thank you for the encouragement during this difficult time. After these past weeks I have slowly realized I must move forward. I can’t put my life on hold or my daughter. I think we all have a journey to walk in life. As bad as I want to be there for my ex and put her ahead of everything, I must let her go on this journey alone. I will be supportive if she needs me but I know her illness has got the best of her at this moment. I have been also looking on YouTube, watching videos of people who have this illness. The more I learn and educate myself about it, helps me find strength and peace. I know It won’t be easy but talking about it does help. I will stay strong . Thanks again

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I am so sorry for your pain. Is ok to feel hurt and have pain, is a loss. But please know the pain will get better. I hope you can join a support group, so you don’t feel that you are alone. Unfortunately, people like your girlfriend don’t even know what they are doing they turn into a different person, especially off the medications. You do not want to be in a relationship like that, is just one big emotional roller-coaster. Take time for you and your daughter.
I wish you well.

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@Mysty1thank you for taking the time to reply. I agree with 100%. She has turned into a completely different person. Things are currently getting more out of hand. I am in the process of filing for child custody. I have turned into the enemy in her eyes. I tried to be calm and nice but she wants to destroy me. In her words “put me down like a dog”. I am praying and preparing for whatever actions she may take.