Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My mum and dad


#1

sorry for posting here, i know its for family members but i wanted to talk about my family,

well my mum specifically, she is not well just now because she has been suffering from tinnitus on top of being profoundly deaf and registered blind,

i was talking to her tonight and trying to cheer her up and she said some things about my dad that i didn’t like, it was like she was trying to besmirch his memory i have of him :frowning: he died at the start of july and i loved him very much and my mum was treating him like he wasn’t even here, she said he was selfish and it was like she didn’t even like him after all those years :frowning:

i try to brush these things off bc she says things that i don’t like all the time but i am really starting to get upset with her, i have never ever said a bad word about my mum ever except once and my dad slapped me for it, recently she said that i was not planned and that she was wearing a coil to prevent her from getting pregnant again and that the coil failed and i was the result, it makes me feel like i wasn’t wanted like i have never been wanted and i start to think if she ever really liked me, she pretends to like me i think but she doesn’t really deep down,

i was wondering why she said it to me and all i can think of is that it was to make her feel better bc i don’t think she cared how i would take it, i think it was cruel and selfish to say that to me and i really hate her for it, i never tell her that it upset me or anyone except for a close friend, its been churning away inside me like idk what and i hate it,

i hate what she said about my dad as well :frowning: my head is so fkd up right now tbh idk what to do, can anybody help me with this? i have sz but i’m stable and just trying to work things out,

thanks for listening


#2

My brother in law was an unplanned pregnancy. His parent were really old compared to his age. His parent still loved him though. Maybe your mom was telling you just to tell you. I would suggest confronting her about it and see what she has to say about it. If nothing else at least you will know the truth by talking with her. Anyways, thats what I would do.


#3

Sounds like your mother is going through a lot and when people are stressed out they say things they normally wouldn’t. She’s probably angry about life and is expressing it. Don’t worry too much about it, though I know it’s hard not to.

Of course I’m not a parent so there will be an element here that will say my opinions are not valid so take it for what it’s worth.


#4

I’m sorry your having this problem with your mom.

My parents are still very much together, but it’s a bit odd… NONE of us kids say bad stuff against our parents…

But every once in a while, my parents do vent. My parent’s do get frustrated with each other and they will let off some steam…

I hope that’s all it was for her in this case.

As far as unplanned… You have said in the past she did her best.
I can understand how this would be upsetting… I’m sorry you had to hear this.

… maybe she doesn’t know how to cope without your Dad and confusion and anger show themselves in odd ways.

I can fully understand how upsetting this would be… but I do hope you can sort of give her the benefit of being older… blind… deaf… and maybe not doing so well.


#5

Daydreamer…You are welcome to post here! I post on all the other sites too…
It IS hurtful for you to hear this stuff and you should tell your mom this.
I did this to one of my daughters and she is just now starting to talk to me.
I bet your mom is expressing some things that are still buried. When things are not talked out-they will surface when you least expect it—even not meaning to.
Your parents had their own relationship. There are probably a lot of things that you dont know-----as it should be. My daughter doesnt know half of what went on in my past marriage.
You also have a relationship with both of your parents that is separate. I would tell your mom that it hurts to hear this stuff and ask that she not do it again.
I wish you luck OO


#6

thanks @mat3372 mat but idk if she can say anything that will help, its like she has done the damage now and i can’t do anything about it :frowning:

and @Malvok you are probably right but it was like she meant it, she said my dad was selfish and was an alcoholic as if he was nothing, but if she is angry and maybe she is angry at him because he is not there for her :frowning: its pretty messed up

thanks @SurprisedJ i am going to have to forgive her but it is still pretty raw in my head, she is older and she has got a lot of problems, my mum and dad had a very strange relationship, its very complicated, i wish my mum and dad were a normal couple tbh.

@bridgecomet i think you are right, i think i will need to tell her that she is hurting my feelings and upsetting me somehow but tbh i don’t think she will even care that much bc i don’t think she even likes me much :frowning:


#7

She does love you—probably doesn`t even realize she is hurting you. Tell her how you feel…


#8

Being from a broken home where my parents had issues… My mom used to say some stuff about my dad, that he only wanted me with him to hurt her. Parents are only human and sometimes say stuff that could be left unsaid. I try hard not to do this with my children however sometimes I do make statements that aren’t meant to hurt but are just the facts as I see them. They may sound like judgement but may not be intended that way. Example me saying someone is an alcoholic is no different then me saying I’m an addict or menopausal. It’s possible for your mom to express herself and she should be able to without it being meant as a put down to your dad.