My heart and prayers goes out to you. It’s been 5 years since my son has been in the hospital he is taking Invega trenza every 3 months plus 300 seriqual at night. He is doing really well but still complaining about the poison.
Stay strong and have hope.
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It’s good to hear that your son came home. He may think he can do whatever he wants and might not realize what he has done but don’t worry—he’s home now. Give him some time and talk with him. I’m sure he’ll understand you.
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This is true, and this is why it is so important to get treatment promptly if you hope for your loved one to recover.
When it comes to trauma and stress, the effect on the mind is permanent and cumulative. This is also true for people without pathologies. Maybe you can see that in yourself or in other people. I know for a fact that the horror Billy constantly subjected me to has defined, in a large part, who I am today. I cannot undo it. I can only try to live with it, manage it. I’m stuck with it. In fact, I think I have PTSD, which is much worse during the holidays.
As far as Billy, he deteriorated mentally his whole life. He just got worse and worse. It seemed to me that he just got stupider and stupider, and more out of control, as time went by. Even clozapine would only offer very brief relief, and he was still very frightening in this state.
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Also, amnesia doesn’t eliminate the stressor. It continues to work on your mind. Amnesia and other things like dissociation are defense mechanisms of the mind; they protect us from damage.
Some years ago, I had a nightmare about a traumatic event from my childhood that I had completely forgotten. The amnesia was a merciful thing; but there were still things I didn’t understand, like why I was so uncomfortable going to church. Once I had the dream, it all came back to me. It was triggered by the holidays and pressure to go to church, and I couldn’t understand my anxiety about going to church. Once I had the dream, it all became clear.
I don’t think it was a good thing to dredge that memory up. It’s been years and I am still quite disturbed by it. I feel diminished as an individual, and deeply ashamed.
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I am sorry you still feel disturbed by the childhood incident. I wish you find some peace from your memories.
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Thank you. I was always trained as a child to just deal with stuff and not talk about it or bother other people about it. Also, way back then, when stuff happened to a child, they had nobody to go to. Nobody would believe them, especially if the allegation was against a member of the clergy.
I knew if I told my parents they wouldn’t believe, and they would have made things much, much worse for me. Also I went to Catholic school and obviously there was nobody to talk to there. There was just nowhere for me to turn.
On top of it, my father was trying to force- I mean really force- me to become a priest. I was basically an atheist by the time I was 10 (of course I had to remain deep in the closet with that) yet my father enrolled my in a seminary high school. It was all planned; I was going to go to Notre Dame for college and that was that.
I felt soooo unsafe in my high school. So alone. I finally told my dad that no matter what he did I was never, ever going to be a priest. He was livid, but he gave up finally and allowed me to enroll in the local public high school. That school had what was sorely missing in my life- girls! - and for once I felt like a “normal” person.
I did get something positive out of it. When I see children I realize how precious and fragile they are. I know they need to be encouraged to develop their talents and not railroaded into something they hate or that creeps them out.
I still remember what if feels like to be a frightened, helpless little child, because sometimes I still feel that way. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but that’s who I am. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but that who I am.
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Thank you. I think it would have been better if the memory had remained hidden. I was doing OK by avoiding church and religious triggers. But that is difficult to do, unless you’re a hermit.
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