Hi - today is my sons 25th birthday - I put up a post before saying that I have been at my moms for the past month due to him being unstable - last night he called me and told me he tried to hang himself and that he can’t take the voices anymore - of course I called 911 and he is in the hospital now this is his third involuntary hospitalization during the past year - he just called me from the hospital and told me that he doesn’t want me to visit him he doesn’t want me to pick him up when he gets out and blames me for everything - I also found a note in his room this morning giving the reasons that he killed himself - I took it to the hospital this afternoon - he told me I am a horrible mother for doing this to him on his birthday and that now when he gets out he really will kill himself because that is how being in the hospital makes him feel - I just keep telling him I love him and want him to feel better - even though I know I did the right thing his words tear through my heart - his dad is not involved in his life at all and I’m doing this all alone - I don’t know really how to take all the things he is saying - I guess I just have to remember it’s the illness talking?
I’m so sorry and I know how painful it must be for you for him to be in the hospital on his birthday. There have been holidays that my son was hospitalized and it is extremely sad. I’m going to tell you that you made the right decision. He needs help and hopefully he can get it there.you’re a good mom and perhaps he’ll realize that when he gets better. And yes that’s the illness talking.
@hdk It is definitely the illness talking. You are his lifeline and so he will have no filter with you. It is hard, I did it all alone too with my son. It does tend to get better after the age of 25 if you can get the right medicine protocol. When my son was 25 he needed an antipsychotic and an antidepressant. I was lucky to have a psychiatrist for him that was aggressive in his approach to helping my son. He was not afraid to “think outside the box” and try not just the newest meds on the market but even the old school ones like clozapine which was helped my son ultimately, clozapine and zoloft in the beginning and today it is depakote and clozapine. Today he is much better, no more suicide attempts, no more voices or visions, just the negative effects which is the lethargy, lack of motivation and tendency to not socialize. I can deal with those issues though so long all the rest stays under control. There is no easy road to sanity my friend, trust yourself, this can get better for both you and your son with the right help and you did the right thing getting him to the hospital and make sure you let the doctor’s know everything they need to know to help him while he is there. If it were me I would celebrate my son’s birthday the very first day that he appears to be interested in his own life again. That would seem appropriate to me. He knows you love him and it never hurts to keep repeating it. All my best to you and your son.
This is one of the hardest things about this illness, I think. My son was compliant for 16 years and was doing so well. I am his legal guardian - mandated by the court 16 years ago with an IEA and conditional discharge. After the five years were up he continued to be fine with the guardianship and we got along well. He moved on to living independently, finishing his college courses and earning a BS in Human Services and got a very good job at a halfway house and was working on his LCSW. Then, this past January, he met a woman online on one of those dating websites, and drove to another state to meet her - ending up snowed in and spending the night. He went off his meds right after that, I suspect because they interfere with his ‘performance’. In a very short time he was again spiraling down. We were not able to get him hospitalized until two weeks ago. He’s been put in four point restraints and isolation on several occasions and refuses to take medication. They’ve had to inject him several times for his own safety, to calm him down. He’s angry, combative and violent. Of course it’s heartbreaking, but after all these years of a wonderful relationship with him, it’s even more heartbreaking and discouraging to hear him say he disowns me and the whole family, he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. Happy Mothers Day to me. I know that this is not him, it’s the illness - but it still hurts. All I can do is cry and pray that he will come back to us. Does your son have a conditional discharge? I just found out that it can be renewed when the five years is up - something I didn’t know before. I hear your pain and I feel it inside and my heart (what’s left of it) goes out to you. Someone sent me a beautiful prayer, I will try to post it here. It’s called a Mother’s Prayer for Mental Illness. Don’t give up - it HAS to get better.
Hi - thank you so much for sharing - what is conditional discharge?
When the illness talks regardless of knowing that it’s the illness talking the words cut like a knife - I pray that he will come back to you and things WILL get better - blessings and love to you
Thank you so very much for your words of wisdom and encouragement - it helps ALOT - my sons psychiatrist sounds like your sons however my son is not compliant all the time and takes his meds inconsistently when he does take them - hopefully this time will open him to being compliant - blessings and love
I don’t know why my son is so compliant, it is like a religion to him, he would no more miss a dose than he would stop eating (and he loves to eat!) so all I can think is the very moment that the voices stopped in his head, he had a revelation, or a rare moment of clarity and I remember him saying to me that if he knew for sure that a pill would get rid of those 1000’s of hateful voices he described that were in his head 24/7 he said he would have never tried street drugs as his “solution” and would have wanted these meds right away, he was so relieved and a huge shift in his entire demeanor began. Before that he would have fought me or robbed me (and did) to get street drugs…he had no faith in psychiatrists or their prescriptions, Now he has been clean and sober and relatively sane for at least 7 years. Everyone is so different. I know that even though my son is stable if I pushed him to take classes, move out, go to work, or anything he didn’t think of himself, he would definitely begin to unravel. Even when he does think of things for himself like once we got into it over moving out, he wants me to “drop” him into an apartment of his own, no support, no nothing, just him and the keys, he knows nothing of how to manage finances, or how to deal with stress when things fall apart and things fall apart for all of us on any given day, he sleeps half the day away sometimes unless I motivate him to get up and get busy, no one can get him to answer a door or a phone, he doesn’t make friends or maintain friends that attempt to know him. He has no ability to delay gratification and has said on many occasion if it was up to him he would eat cheeseburgers and cheesecake every single day. He needs to learn practical life skills, I have tried teaching him from day one and showing him by example, the teaching stuck with my oldest son, it does not stick with my youngest, not even a little. I do not see him living on his own ever…and that saddens me tremendously.
I did tell him that if he changed and started trying to establish friends and support people outside of just me, and if he tried to do other things on his own besides what he is willing to do with me, I would reconsider my stand on him moving out. With such little personal motivation he will not ever do the things I have asked. It’s a stalemate and a catch 22 situation. He also doesn’t understand that if he lived independently I would do the same and he would only see me once in awhile, like it is with my oldest son, I am not even sure I would want to live in this same state if I had my own independence from caretaking. When my sz son and I had the talk/argument about him moving out he kept taking like I would be at his beck and call, to drive him, do for him etc…but we would live apart, and I said oh no, that is not the case and he took that to mean I would hate him or something for moving out and punish him, I said no not at all but I would be busy with my own life doing things I don’t have the time for now…he did not understand and then he got angry and started the ‘I hate you and if you were dead I would finally be free’, blah blah blah, I have vented here before about it and it hasn’t happened in a long while, and I know in retrospect it is a type of delusion and a lack of coping skills when it comes to stress. If it happened again I would do my best to ignore him until it passed. It always passes.
Now I am unsure why I wrote you a book here, maybe I just wanted to talk to somebody, most everyone at this forum understands and it feels kind of comforting to know that you are understood no matter your circumstance.
Thanks for listening/reading…Happy Mothers Day between us moms, wishing us happier ones ever year.
I am so grateful to read your book😊 It is comforting to know that I am not alone- happy Mother’s Day to you - and to everyone -
Had a good Mother’s Day weekend. Went to a lovely flower park yesterday with my sz son. Tonight he and I got to use one of his birthday presents and saw The Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert. Overall a successful and entertaining weekend. I am beat and ready for bed. Good night and have a great week to come. Here is a pic of some pretty peach roses at the park we visited.
I’m so sori to hear this , stay strong and dnt give up ,god bless our children ️
hi pls did u post the prayer? didnt see it
Mothers prayer is beautiful and exactly what we need - thank you so very very much💖
Yes, thank you for prayer, @Barbijhg
Thank you for your compassion and yes God bless our children
And thank you for your supportive words💖
That would tear my heart apart too I feel so bad for you. I pray things get better for you and for your dear son.
WOW I forgot how useful this site is. For me its my wife who is totally noncompliant and living in NH she can be as crazy as she wants and all I can do is hang,in,there. I’ve signed her into the hospital several times and that she holds against me. Right now she’s constantly talking to herself and the many people in her head as well as bouts of laughing. Its very difficult to be around and unless she crosses that harm line there’s nothing I can do. Literally hell on earth.
Could you petition probate court for legal medical guardianship? Then legally you and the courts could force her to comply with doctor’s orders and to attend appointments etc…, sometimes it involves monthly shots, or longer hospitalizations, typically patients are never your fan when you are trying to help them, but if you can be successful at it even once the pay off is so worth it to see them getting well again. Rarely do patients realize their dire need for intervention and advocacy. So sorry for all you and your wife have been through.