Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My son cut us off


#1

My son was always very close to me, he is 22 years old and was diagnosed with Scyzofrenia 2 years ago. He was in a very good condition for more than a year, studding working friends… After he got on madications and treatment.
2 months ago he stopped talking to me, he wrote me that I destroyed his life and to get out of his life for ever, he left our and his home without taking anything and living at a freind home, (she, has also scyzofrenia, but she is stable now, on madication).
He does not want any connection with the family and even do not say I am his mom.
We are a very support, care and love family, I can not give up on him and I tried everything to connect with him.
What can I do?
If he will get back to medication and treatment it can be change?
Has some one experienced similar situation?
I am so sad.
Thank you.


#2

I am so very sorry that you are experiencing this with you and your son…I had a period of time before my sz got stabilized where he always was avoiding me…running from me, doing anything opposite of what I suggested…even running with a bad crowd… All I can tell you is I ignored all of his “blocking” efforts and made myself available at every conceivable turn…I turned up where ever he was often…I always called even if my calls were ignored…I always attempted conversation and to engage him with me even if he refused to talk or again tried to run away or ignore me…I blocked out the hateful things he said to me…I kept at it…I made him know he always had a home with me and that he was always loved and that he did need help…I sometimes said it over him screaming he hated me and, didn’t need me and wished I would die…I ignored it…I kept at it, I re-enforced my love and acceptance and willingness to help…it took a long time and when he eventually got much much sicker…there was no one left beside him but me …I was glad I didn’t give up…I eventually got his guardianship and moved him in with me and today he is stable and doing well and we have a good relationship far more than we do not. That is my abridged version of my experience and I guess if I summed it up in a few words I would just say don’t give up.


#3

I’m so sorry you’re going through this painful time.

I agree with Catherine to keep trying… Extend invitations for meals and other activities your son might need or like.

The sadness and worry are immense.

This distancing will mostly likely pass, but it could take a longer time than your heart requires.


#4

Im sorry for your heartache and agree with others here. Just keep trying and don’t give up. My son is always saying mean things and I have learned to back off and ignore it and practice unconditional live. The other day he thanked me for driving him then ten minutes later berated me for something.

My husband and I look at it this way. Things are hard enough when you don’t have a mental illness. Keep showing your love and reinforce that you will always love him. Love is a powerful force. Hang in there. Hugs


#5

Yes, I had this experience and I did the same as Catherine, and made myself available and never rejected him in return. For the last three years things have got better and better between us, and even though he has had some psychosis in these years he has not rejected me lately. I think it is part of the illness.


#6

Dear Catherine,
I must say I admire you for persevering with your son, my daughter always sends vile letters to my husband and I, telling us she never wants to see us again,then when she sees her brother denies sending them and wonders why we do not visit her, but when we do she is very distant towards us. So I am going to take your advice, despite the knockbacks , and try harderto build a relationship with her.


#7

I wish you good luck with your daughter, it is hard sometimes to separate the disease from the person but I have always thought it was kind of a “must” that we do. I always imagine if my son had a disease that caused him to kick me in the head every time I was near him…would I give up? No…I would probably buy a sturdy helmet and carry on…I think love makes you do that. Happy New Year. :slight_smile:


#8

I always believed that I would always be there for my daughter but there are times I feel that I’m pushed to the limit by her erratic and sometimes scary behavior and honestly at times I feel very resentful that at my age (late 60’s) I’m still having to care and advocate for her and also raise her two children.

My grandchildren are not a problem at all and I’ve grown very close to them and even slip up and call them my children rather than grandchildren.

It’s not my daughter’s fault she has a mental illness but it’s tough to always chin up and soldier through but then I think how selfish of me whine when my daughter is the one who truly suffers day in and day out. And she has asked me many times why did she develop a mental illness and not her sisters and why can’t she have the lives her sisters have. I’m hopeful that medical research will eventually find a better way to treat mental illness or even eradicate it.


#9

took your advice, Catherine, and phoned my daughter, she refused to come to the phone, but i will persevere. Thanks for your helpful advice that makes me brave enough to face rejection after rejection.


#10

it’s a long labor of love my friend - don’t forget your “sturdy helmet”…keep me posted :slight_smile:


#11

My husband and I just watched the classic movie Harvey and we said to each other that we don’t want to be like his sister Veta. I hope the new year gives us more courage to entertain and not isolate so much.


#12

This is my new favorite analogy!

It’s actually a very helpful way to think about it.
I get so tired of people who don’t understand saying they’re sorry, or I must be really strong.
I don’t need anyone’s sympathy, and I tell them they’d do the same if their own child became ill. It’s not that you’re strong so much as you do what you have to do.

I’m thinking it will be much easier, and more entertaining, to just borrow your saying & tell them that!


#13

always glad to help :slight_smile:


#14

I too agree with all the other replies to you. My son also cut his family off, then would reach out, not always in a good way…but at least we knew he was alive. In your heart you know you are there for him. In a text recently I told him… I am here for you anytime, anywhere for anything. Just be lovingly available!!


#15

Dear Mom,

I understand and feel your sadness. In a way, the impact of this rejection leaves us feeling more than sadness - it is a kind of grieving. Our son, 28, has also cut us off. He took medications briefly but that was early in his diagnosis when he had some lucid and positive periods. Not only has he cut us, his parents, off, but he has done the same with grandparents and other relatives, even his male cousins whom he used to be close with. Our son informed us that he has researched legal procedures needed to change his name if we continue to try and reach out to him but then said the process was too expensive. We too have been a loving and supportive and giving family and have tried everything. I don’t think we should ever give up - love doesn’t. But we can hold the good memories close and turn to God and prayer and ask for understanding, acceptance, and guidance. Every once in a while my husband and I will send a brief “How are you” or “Hello” text. But even with this reaching out, he does not respond. I have to remind myself that I have responsibilities to myself and family. I take living consciously and purposefully seriously - and I have needed work in an educational setting as a principal where I am needed and respected. I am grateful for so many things and people in my life - and refuse to go to the side of despair or hopelessness. Please don’t stay in the sadness. Love and Blessings, Mom57