Seeking guidance with my Schizo brother still living w/elderly parents

Family
1

I am seeking guidance as I can not help my elderly parents because my schizo (untreated for over 25 years approx) still lives at home with them. Here’s my situation/story… I am a 47 year old woman, sister to an older (50 yrs old) brother who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia back in the late 1980’s/early 1990’s. My brother suffered a psychotic break while he was at college (Rutgers New Brunswick, NJ). He was admitted to the Carrier Clinic in NJ (my family is from NJ) and next thing I knew (I was just barely graduated from high school at this point) I was being dragged without explanation (still to this date there has been no explanation) to visit him “in the hospital”. Eventually my father accidentally blurted and has since recanted that Gary attempted suicide. Gary and my parents were told that he required lifelong psychiatric treatment and he was started on some meds. He didn’t like the meds and completely quit both the meds and his psychiatric treatment and to this day remains without any/all treatment.

Over the time that I was still living at home he had repeated bouts of violent behavior. He would fly into rages and slam doors and has even assaulted me numerous times. He has been given diplomatic immunity from being held accountable for all of his actions and behaviors including his assaults on me.

I now have been living on my own since 1997 and his behavior for a while was some what stable, as stable as could be for a schizo.

My brother’s behavior has caused a long term rift in my family - I haven’t been able to visit my parents for going on 7 years. My brother still lives home, has never moved out, has barely one friend, does nothing for himself and my mother has constantly put my brother onto me to entertain, go to dinner take to the mall to help him shop for secret santa gifts until I got fed up with being his play thing and driver (he refused a driver’s license in HS and my parents backed his play on that too). My mother has repeatedly told me “I’m not a nice person” when I refuse to participate in being my brother’s hebrew slave and demand that he either be in treatment to learn how to be independent or do his stuff himself. My brother has told me to my face that he would murder me if I did anything to make my parents sick or die and when I told my mom her answer was yet again “diplomatic immunity” with an answer of “what do you listen to him for”? If I had said that to Gary I would have been “drawn and quartered”. Gary wears shredded pajamas (which my mom washes and gives back to him to continue wearing) and also intentionally walks in front of me in his jockey shorts because he won’t put on a bathrobe when would go to shower. He won’t see dentists and doctors for checkups, cleanings and physicals - hasn’t seen a dentist in over 30 years.

My parents are now in their early and middle 80s and they are still living in our family home with my schizo brother and still taking care of him. I cannot tell if he has gotten violent again or not. The last time I was able to see proof that he gets violent (and I have an outside the family witness to the damage) was approximately 7 years ago - he punched holes in his bedroom door and wall. The door has since been replaced and the wall repaired and repainted. I cannot tell if my elderly parents need care or help because I told my mom to shove my brother up her *** and since then we have had minimal to none contact. I am unable to go to family (I have an aunt and cousins) get togethers because I have vowed the next time Gary tries to pick a fight with me I will let him just so I have the opportunity to have him arrested and press charges when he assaults me, which cannot happen because my aunt is elderly also with a heart condition. This is where my story stands now. I have decided I want NOTHING to do with my brother. I want him out of our lives. I want him in his own place having to confront his mental illness completely on his own so that he will either discover he cannot live alone and I’ll give him my prepared speech of either enter a group home or assisted living facility or go live in a cardboard box in an alley or throw yourself off a bridge as I will NOT take care of him and do NOT want anything to do with him and do NOT want him in my life at all. I need to get him out of the house so I can assist my parents in their end years. My whole family knows how I feel and what I want to see done and happen to my brother but my parents have chosen to throw me away and keep the worthless curse of a son whom they have deluded themselves about all these years choosing to view him as their “golden boy”. My attitude is I am entitled to my own life. I have chosen not to have children as I don’t like them and therefore I do NOT want the curse my brother is left to fall on me because my parents won’t force him out to find out once and for all if he is or isn’t able to ever live alone. If he isn’t able to live alone then it is on my parents to figure out where to stick him and they will do that with compassion. If it is left for me by default my answer is group home/assisted living or cardboard box in an alley or throw yourself off a bridge and I’ll push him into a final psychotic break to be in control over him to get rid of him one way or another (legally) permanently. I would prefer the route of my parents figuring out what to do with this permanently broken individual (FYI we are both adopted and I am GLAD I am NOT biologically related to him. Any suggestions how to get him forced out of my parents’ house? What assistance can I get and where from? Thank you.

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Which one who has schizophrenia ? is it you or your brother ? No just kidding, but you’re really negative about the whole thing…just like a schizo can be at some times…I think you’re being cruel on your brother and your parents as well, I wouldn’t feel good about a dog to live in the streets, how about a human being, and he’s your brother for god’s sake !
From your story it doesn’t seem that your brother have done you any real harm, why do you hate him so bad ? I think you find that your brother is getting more attention and cared for than you can ever get from your parents, and I think that you feel set aside when you are compared to your brother…But I have to tell you that parents never give up on their children, they wont do what you’re suggesting, it’s just too cruel ! if my parents had kicked me out to live away just for being weird then they are not worth being parents in the first place…And remember that you took the choice of leaving your parents, you left them no choice but to accept your decision.
You have said what you don’t want to do things for your brother anymore, and I think if your parents can accept that then you can pay them some house visits, why wont you ? you can call them on the phone everyday too, I guess since your brother is a schizo so he wont be the one who answering the phone anyway, isn’t it ? I guess Tanaka has a good idea, maybe you should see a therapist or a psychiatrist he/she would be able to understand your brother’s situation as well as yours… I’m being cruel on you I’m sorry for that but you’ve said a lot of negative stuff that I can’t take…good luck, and let your heart forgive.

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you more need thrapy and meds rather than your brother, whole of your attitude toward a SZ person is wrong, put him on meds anyway and prepare him pleasant life for rest of his life, if he refuses meds, ECT can be the last resort for him cause after that he will not refuse to take meds, here we are more compassionate with your brother rather than you and if you see that we talk to you is because of your brother and not you.

4

I think some underlying issues here may be sibling rivalry. Perhaps you want your adopted parents to acknowledge that you are important too. Adopted or not, SZ has it’s affect on all family members. Because the person with SZ requires more attention than the other siblings feel less loved. You are carrying around a lot of hurt and anger. I can only tell you that at this point the main person that you are hurting is yourself.

Ask yourself this question. If you did succeed is getting your way on getting your brother out of your parents life the way that you are implying, do you think that they would appreciate or even thank you for doing it?

I understand wanting to blame someone or anyone for what has happened but blaming your brother is not the answer. Blaming your parents for trying to take care of him is not the answer. Your parents didn’t ask for a SZ son and your brother didn’t ask to have SZ. You seem pretty adamant about your feelings on this so perhaps you need to move on. Accept the consequences of your own choices and recognize that the responsibility of those choices are on you. Your brother has little control over what is happening to him. If your brother had a broken leg would you expect him to walk to the store and get his own groceries? His brain is not functioning as it should. Maybe you need to do some research on SZ, or not, it’s up to you. Negative symptoms of SZ which include the inability to take care of himself as you think he should are part of the disease.

Your parents didn’t throw you away. You caused them to make a decision that they should not have to make. Choosing one child over the other. Try to remember that you are the one that gave the ultimatum. You still have an opportunity to be a part of this if you want. I urge you to seek counselling for yourself and rid yourself of all this negativity. It is eating you up. As you said you are entitled to your own life. Decide if you want to be a part of the family unit or not. Accept that your brother is sick and needs empathy and compassion. Sending love.

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BarbieBF, thank you for understanding and getting it. My younger brother has always felt left out by my parents. He keeps telling them that they care about me more than him. He is doing well in his life, happily married, a son, a nice home and job etc… but he has always felt a bit jealous, for lack of a better word. He feels that my parents care about me more than him. This is far from the truth. My parents did not ask for an ill son (me). There was a big chunk of my life where I was dependent on others including my parents, I am doing better now but still rely on family members for certain things, including my aunt - who truly is very open minded and caring. Just because I need some extra attention from time to time, does not mean their love for me is stronger like my brother thinks. He is trying to deal with the situation, and is going to therapy on and off to better deal with the situation. SZ affects not just one family member, but the entire family.

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This one is going to be long… Sorry…
This is a very hard topic for me. In a way I would like to think that my brother sort of knew what was up and tried his best to make up for any deficit in parental attention. I love my brother and he really is a hero. But it was my relationship with my parents that got a little stormy.

Now that I am older and I see how life with ALL my brothers has played out I know my parents love me. But I have to admit, and I sort of hate to admit that there were times when I was much younger that I very much doubted their interest in me. So I clung to my brother who seemed to have all the time in the world for me. Even when he was going through negative symptom, I could sit in his room and color as long as I didn’t say too much. He would color with me.

I don’t talk about this part of life very much because it causes so much guilt. But siblings do feel forgotten and left out because we don’t need the extra attention. I know 100 times over that my brother didn’t ask for this, would love to never have it, is working his butt off trying to over come this… but I didn’t have this insight when I was 5. I just saw it as I was the mistake. When my brother was getting really unsteady I was sent to live with an aunt for a few months. It helped my parents figure out what to do and learn and help my brother get better. The time I got sent away is the time my parents needed to form the battle plan that got my brother to this point today. They needed to focus on him and figure out what in the world to do.

But being 7 years old and having to be sent away because HE is sick just confirmed my 7 year old suspicions that my parents had no interest in me and didn’t want me. Plus I was the only girl.So I took that on as being one of my defects. (If ONLY I was a mentally ill boy they would love me.)

I KNOW now that it’s not the case at all. But again, 7 years old… I too am in therapy and I too have benefitted from a sibling support group. I had very hurt feelings about my parents. My parents brought me back into the house when I accidently broke their heart. With the help of a much older cousin, (maybe it was his idea) I put a want ad in the alternative newspaper looking for new parents and why. They found the ad and then they answered the ad. They still have the ad. It was on the family fridge for YEARS. I think they kept it as a way to remember the other siblings.

I’m not the only sibling who has wished to have mental illness so our parents would love us too. Again, not a lot of insight when I was 5-8. The hardest part for me was the egg shells that were around when my brother was crumbling. There were a lot of rules of what to do, say, how to say it, what not to say, how not to act, don’t express any emotion, don’t ask any questions that might be upsetting, don’t talk about it, don’t ignore it. I was always more at ease around my brother then my parents because my brother was so out there he didn’t seem to care what I said, did, asked. I had a much easer time around him.

From a siblings point of view there are a few books that are tucked away in my house…
Hidden Victims / Hidden Healers- Julie Tallard Johnson
Being the “Other” one- Kate Strohm
The Normal One- Jeanne Safer
Mad House- Clea Simon

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Yes, and they have been no help. All I’m getting is you can do nothing as the answer. I want my brother out of the way so that I can assist my parents with things in their elder years as a “good daughter” is supposed to. As for people’s comments here about “do you think they’ll be happy or thankful that he’s out of their lives” - I don’t care, I will call him a piece of demented crap to their faces and tell them he needs to be on his own to face his demons instead of both hiding from them and putting them on others; I’ll just be doing a happy dance that he’s gone. I have vowed to NOT lift a finger to help my parents in any way that would trickle down to helping my brother get out of helping himself while he is still living in their house; i.e. let my parents get really worn out until I can legally get social services to investigate neglect and if possible view signs of his violence. Right now they can still (unfortunately) drive to get things done but my concern about that is “how safely can they drive”. As far as how my parents feel about the whole situation - well, they are too screwed up to be able to face reality and DEAL with his illness so what they feel is irrelevant because it is illogical and not based in reality. I just need to figure out some way to get my brother out of the house. And yes, I am receiving counseling but I am justifiably angry for their sacrificing me because they are too cowardly to face and deal with the reality that Gary must be treated and must be pushed into confronting reality and finding out if he can or cannot live alone and take care of himself; if not then you know my position. I Don’t care if he lives or dies just do it away from the family if he won’t deal with his reality don’t force feed it to others. So, in short I just need him gone; I would do the same thing but much easier if he were my child - I’d have the easy legal ability to throw him out of the house without muss or fuss. And I’m not the problem - I didn’t violently attack myself and didn’t put gaping holes in a door and wall; I don’t intentionally walk in my underwear in front of others; I don’t wear pajamas that are so shredded that they are missing sleeves and can be seen through; I didn’t threaten to murder anyone; so the problem is not me it is him and my parents refusing to force him either into treatment our out on his own to face a concept called “ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ONES ONE ACTIONS”. So, again all I need to know is how to get him out of their house.

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I’m glad he’s not biologically related to me. And I’m just having to deal with the repercussions of being force fed my brother’s illness thus taking my choice as to whether or not to deal with it with/without treatment has out of my hands thus disrespecting and discarding me and my needs completely; thus I have a right to my anger. I have a belief in life - if a person will not deal with their own problems then do NOT force others to have to deal with what you won’t. Deal with your problems yourself or be gone. I have never been given any choice about doing things for Gary. My mom would “guilt” me into doing them, if she didn’t get her way she would insult me and tell me “you’re not a nice person”; I have a right to CHOOSE if I will or won’t do anything/something and no one has a right to take my choice away from me. I don’t care how much attention he is getting. The thing that I object to is that there is a double standard in our family. I get told to “grow up”, “stand on your own two feet”, “do things for yourself”, “face reality” and he NEVER gets told that; he is NEVER told he’s wrong and that in a nutshell is 100% wrong. If I am told those things then HE MUST BE TOLD THOSE THINGS. If I would be held accountable for destroying things out of violence then he must be etc…As far as house visits - because of my being fed up with my brother and his garbage and my parents not dealing with it and forcing him to deal I sent an appx. 8 page letter to my brother at his job - he’s high enough functioning to hold one job his whole life - (FYI his diagnosis was a couple decades ago so he may in fact be more aspburgers than SZ but because he won’t get treatment who knows) detailing everything (yes with plenty of fancy vocabulary) because I was fed up with being subjected to his abuse and behavior causing me to be treated as the black sheep of the family and not to mention being directly inflicted upon me without any repercussions upon him; as a result I am “personna non-gratia” (not welcome) in my parents house as my parents have told me so. In the past I would love going to their house and staying for dinner and playing cards afterwards with my mom but the deal breaker became his underwear and pajamas routine and that he wasn’t held accountable for threatening to murder me or getting violent. I could no longer stand my mother telling me “I’m not a nice person” just because I don’t want to be a slave to my brother and do for him what he won’t get off his behind and do for himself. For example if I was “guilted” into going out to dinner with him I had to be his driver and pick him up at his office then drive him home after dinner. My answer is get yourself a taxi and learn to live by it instead of making others “Drive Mr. Daisy”. I would be willing to forgive if he would agree to enter into both individual and family therapy so I could make certain the therapist addresses getting him trained in independent living techniques and makes certain he gives in and addresses alternative living arrangements if he acknowledges that he cannot ever live alone. All I have ever said over and over and wanted all these years is for both Gary and the whole family to be in treatment so that my voice can be heard and my needs addressed. I am angry that my family is nothing but a bunch of cowards. So don’t say you cannot take what I say, I am as much a victim of his illness as Gary is the difference is my choice has been forceably taken from me without caring about what it would do to me. I have rights and feelings and those were 100% intentionally disrespected. My brother is yes, a victim of his illness but I draw the line at him refusing treatment being his crime.

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I blame my brother NOT for getting sick but for refusing treatment and forcing his mental illness upon others. I blame my brother for NOT finding independent work arounds for his own shortfalls due to his disability/illness. As to your comment regarding a broken leg - that would be short term - Gary’s SZ is permanent therefore the need for workarounds must be addressed and it is HIS OBLIGATION to confront them and deal with them and find his own permanent solutions independent of becoming a burden on family members. I will revel in the joy of watching him say “oh, crap! How can I go food shopping” etc… when the time comes (I just wish it would happen already).

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I think you’re contradicting with your self here ! I would like to talk to you as a friend and I hope that you can understand:
You’re being so negative, you want your brother to do things by force, you want to get rid of him not help him, you can’t spend time holding his hand and helping him, how would you want to help your parents if you can’t spare time and patience to help others, like your brother, on this pace I doubt that you’ll be any of help to your parents even if you got some how your brother out of the house, the reader of your posts would get the impression that your brother is much more a family member than you are, at least he didn’t leave his parents for 7 years without visiting… you should solve your anger and then solve this problem about your brother, nothing is solved if you can’t forgive…
On the other hand I do feel sorry for your situation and I could be misjudging you, maybe, I can’t read you under all this anger, just try to get that anger away from your heart, start a new fresh life with your family, forget everything that happened in the past, if you can change your self then you can change your family, when you feel calm go back to what you’ve wrote on your posts and put your self in our shoes, you’ll find that have been so angry and negative and not talking reasonable enough for us to help you…just calm down, then you might find an answer to your problems, and maybe as I have said you might get a little help from a psychiatrist who knows about schizophrenia and might help you deal with all the sadness and anger you have, you might get the family to go on some therapy sessions; you, your brother and your both parents, and you might be able to let them know how you feel exactly…just relax, take a deep breath and start on solving the problems wisely and slowly, step by step…good luck WonderWoman.

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I can help my parents - their needs are far less demanding and they are somewhat able to help themselves. I also have the luxury of working from home so if needed I could move back into their house and be there to make certain they don’t burn pots (I went through that happening with my late Grandmother - rest her soul) only at that time I had a different job and my parents and aunt & uncle were taking responsibility for her and eventually put her into a nursing home extremely close to home when she went completely senile. (this was my maternal grandmother - my mom & her brother took care). What I don’t want with my brother is having to deal with his symptomatic behavior in any way, shape or form and do not want to be relegated to doing everything for him and having to deal with his symptomatic behavior. I would not feel this way if my family had faced the illness head on and agreed to be completely in therapy this whole time. This fact is why I am so angry - they didn’t care at all about the damage not being in therapy would inflict upon me. They didn’t care to find out if Gary might need someone to take care of him after they were gone so they could prevent my having to inherit him in the end as by law I am legally his “next of kin” and would be the one having to clean up that mess. I started out years ago not wanting to go to war but since my family has done NOTHING to prevent this I am prepared to do so and push him into another (hopefully final) psychotic break to get rid of him. I have no compassion for him I care about me and me only because my family NEVER cared about what this would, was, has and is doing to me. My attitude is they made their bed now I intend to see that they all lie in it.

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I’m sorry, but to me It just sounds like you want revenge and to hurt your parents too. I’m sorry your so angry at them. I hope they too find someone to help them in their further twilight years.

You wouldn’t really gladly push someone in to a psychotic break… would you? I understand people get frustrated, but they don’t usually sound so resolved to action.

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You need to understand schizophrenics, obviously your brother is a big problem for you, but he is happy with his parents. You’ll get rid of him when these parents die, why would you ever want to force him out of their house? They are happy. Personally I took care of my father, although I heard voices all of the time, my rescue was a little room to where I went to be in my own peace, when everything had calmed down. You must understand your brother may not feel anything toward you, typical for szs. Maybe you are the problem and not your sz brother. Of course he should go to see doctors and dentists, but this is his problem. Bad teeth can cause the death. As long as these parents love your brother, you can not do anything, not matter how much you would like to. This is your problem.

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I do not own much, but I have decided to give all that I own to Jesus Christ and the God. It is easy to use and misuse szs, which is unfortunate, which is why you should not think of inheriting your brother, if I understood right. I know in the society where I live, people are after their inheritances, but I think differently. The only thing I have got from my father has been old photos, his diaries and prizes he had won in some sports competitions, although I took care of him for many years, while having all my illnesses.

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I never said meds - when I say treatment I mean at the very minum phychotherapy as in talk therapy. And I have wound up with anxiety and depression disorders as a result of being force fed his SZ behavior abnormalities including and not limited to his violence and the mandated walking on eggshells to avoid him from blowing up. I never said he would have a pleasant life. I know his life has been and will continue to be rotten. What I would have attempted to orchestrate through family therapy would be to have him trained to be as independent as possible by making certain my parents didn’t do what they have done since his diagnosis which is indulge him on everything and do everything for him and not stand back and put him in a position to have to at least attempt to do adult responsibilities himself to allow him to either succeed or fail and to learn from those experiences like any other adult has to. If it turned out like I suspect it will that he can never live alone/take care of himself then I would have pushed for a non-family burdensome solution for his long term care be figured out regardless of him liking it or not. If he doesn’t like it then it is on him to provide his own alternative what ever that would be. At this point with how abused and thrown away I have been I look forward to the ability to put him through any/all social services and criminal/civil court systems to torture him as the situations present themselves until he is completely gone one way or another. Remember I have been pushing for years for family counseling to treat his illness and see to it that my needs are met and I am taken care of also; I did not start out this angry but the die have been cast, the orchestra engaged now all that is left is to do the dance and I am more than ready and capable to dance the dance to its conclusion.

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Yes I would push him there if it turned out that is the only way to rid myself of the schizo. I am entitled to peace in my life and he has caused that to be forceably ripped from my life. I will see to it that all parties involved both reap what they have sown and are forced to lie in the bed they made just as they forceably ripped safety and security from my life.

17

I hear your anger, and I share a lot of the same feelings you have in my family situation with my brother and parents. It’s ridiculous that your parents have let your bother go untreated for 25 years and have indulged his behavior. At the same time, since he is holding a job, I wonder how ill he really is. He might be in a better place than you think.

Maybe I am misunderstanding you, but I am not hearing the reasons why he needs to be forced out of the home. Are your parents so infirm and ill that they can’t care for themselves and your brother can’t care for them? Is your brother actively abusing them? I am not hearing that either is the case. It sounds like you want your brother gone because you just hate him (and I can understand why you do), not because your parents need care and he can’t provide it. An alternative scenario is your brother could stay in their house and you have home health aids who come to care for your parents.

It just sounds like having him removed is a solution in search of a problem. He will be forced to make a change soon enough – e.g., when your parents get sick enough that they can’t care for him anymore, or when they die. I don’t see a lot of benefit to forcing that day before it’s necessary. Of course, if they can’t care for themselves, or if he’s abusing them, that’s a different story, and in that case, perhaps Adult Protective Services can help. There’s also the question of their will. It is highly likely they have willed their home to him. In that case, if you are able to kick him out, he will just be back later on.

I worry that your anger is clouding your judgment and driving your choices to an extreme degree. Your parents and brother have made tragic choices, and they have indeed “made their beds.” And those choices have been terrible for you. But taking revenge on your brother isn’t the answer. One idea is to enlist some help from a therapist that has experience with SZ and elder care issues who can advise you, and who can challenge you when your anger starts to cloud your judgement. In anger, you are highly likely to make poor choices which could really hurt your parents and yourself. And anger, rage and unforgiveness doesn’t hurt your brother, it hurts you. It turns you into an ugly person with a hard heart. Unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. It doesn’t serve you, and in the end, it just debilitates your soul and your heart.

I understand the rage against your brother – I can honestly say I don’t love my SZ brother. I hate the things he’s done to himself, my parents and the physical abuse he inflicted on me as a child. I hate the stress that he causes my parents, his verbal abuse of them, and his narcissism. But despite all that, I don’t wish him ill. I want him to have a roof over his head, medical treatment, and food because I love my parents and I know they would want that. And because despite how much I hate him at times, he is a human being. Like the other person said, no one, not matter how terrible they are, should have to live on the street. I hope you can find peace – you really sound like you are suffering.

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Thank you for your kind words. The reason I want him out of the house now, while my parents are still alive is so my parents and my parents alone will have to deal with the mess that is going to be my brother when he has to live in his own place and do EVERYTHING for himself EVERY DAY. For everyone’s information, Gary was diagnosed approximately 25 years ago as a paranoid schizophrenic. I truly believe that diagnosis is erroneous as in I believe he is probably suffering from some form of asperger’s syndrome because he functions at a higher level than a true schizo. For the additional record Gary has NEVER done anything for himself his entire life; i.e. he has never had to make his own bed, change his bedding, take himself for a haircut, nor ever gone to a mall all by himself and he is as of this year 50 years old. When my brother has tried to do anything that requires steady hands or having to do things completely on his own due to his condition when it doesn’t go like he wants it to and he gets frustrated he starts to spiral into a violent tantrum. I have had to live through and be exposed to more of those unacceptable adult sized violent versions of a two year old’s tantrum. My parents have gone out of their way to give him full and complete diplomatic immunity from having to grow up, do anything for himself and additionally be held accountable for any/all of his actions and behaviors and has NEVER been punished or even chastised for any of it. I have developed a survivor type skill that I call psychological logic which amounts to my being able to analyze a person and predict their behavior. I know that when Gary is forced to live 100% alone and has to do EVERYTHING for himself he will not be able to cope with the reality of the difficulties of it all which includes the hardship of having refused to get a driver’s license and will become a tormented mess. I want my parents to have zero choice but to see their “golden boy” (“urine boy”) turn out to be a mess that needs to be thrown away somewhere and for them alone to have to fight with him to get him to agree to either a full permanent commission or agree to a group home (or my preference - throw himself off a bridge) so that I will not have to deal with that mess and additionally so that I can rub it in their face and tell them I told you so, I told you he was a worthless incompetent and you backed the wrong horse. My parents will be the only ones that will give him a lick of compassion; this is the second reason I want them to deal with my brother the mess as if I have to do it I will very quickly and forcefully do what ever I have to do in order to push him into a full on psychotic break because I vow I will not be stuck with the worthless piece of crap that has tortured, and abused me and cost me my parents. The expression may well be “vengeance is mine sayeth th lord” but I don’t follow that; it is mine and all mine. My parents are extremely up there in age - low and middle 80s and are currently weakly holding their own but that won’t be forever. Dad has a really bad heart condition (would I love for it to happen that Gary has a schizo tantrum and my dad’s heart goes due to it - would not have to push to hard after that to get Gary to off himself). If Gary is living home when my parents start needing to be taken care of then I will never lift one finger to help them in any way that would by virtue of his living in the house trickle down to either benefit him or keep him sitting on his butt not doing any chores (for example - I will not go food shopping because not only would the food go for him to eat it would also keep him sitting on his butt not having to confront, "gee I don’t drive and I’m too paranoid to use a credit card so how am I supposed to handle the food shopping?) Mind you I would be equally happy if he moved to Alaska and was never heard from again. So I hope that you can all now have a better picture of why I hate that schizo thing everyone calls my brother; I thank god we are not blood related because we are both adopted. It will be hard enough having to take care of either one or two elderly parents when the time comes I refuse to have a demented scizo to deal with and cope with on top of that. At least there is light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to dealing with elderly parents - with a 50 year old dement there’s no light as the tunnel is extremely long and dark.

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I do have a serious non venting question to pose that I have never been able to get an answer to. I live in NJ - what happens if a person who has a diagnosed illness like my brother does and has been so over protected that he has never had to do anything ever for himself and whom doesn’t drive in addition winds up on on his own and it is discovered he is not functional enough to live alone and take care of himself? What happens when that is the case and no relatives are willing to let him move in with them because they know all about his illness and all the heartache and stress it causes? What happens then in cases like that, how can that authorities do anything and what falls upon the relatives especially a legal sister like myself? Has anyone had any experience in this area?

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It seems like no one here sees eye to eye with you, meaning you are the irrational one.

There is so much anger and hate in what you said. It seems no matter what everyone else seems to say, you aren’t taking their opinions into consideration.

My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 17. What pushed him over the edge was my parents negative extreme reaction to when he was caught smoking pot. He was locked up for a month in his room, food brought up to him, a prison. He was physically and verbally abused. When he came out of that room, he wasn’t the same ever since.

I didnt respect him for a while… I blamed him for what happened, his drug use. Then after growing up, I blamed my family… Then after I finished college, I came back home being tired of blaming, and acctually DEALT with the situation in a POSITIVE manner.

I researched it and took action. Due to the time I put, and heart ache I felt as I got to know my brother over the years. I built up my relationship with him, and we became close. I understood why he would sometimes pause when I’d talk to him, and it wasnt that he just lost interest. I understood why he would laugh on his own (its because he heard or saw something unusual or funny, any of us would laugh). I am learning new things about him everyday, and so does he about me. He is my brother, and I love him with all my heart.

Now, due to our bond, he is taking medication consistently for the past 2 years (He is 26, I’m 24). He has never been better since his diagnosis. I pray to god it only gets better, and not for the worse.

"...would I love for it to happen that Gary has a schizo tantrum and my dad's heart goes due to it - would not have to push to hard after that to get Gary to off himself..." - Wonder Woman

Please see a therapist. You are seriously poison to Gary, your family, and everyone for that matter, If you do truly wish for that to happen.

I hope to god you vanish out of their lives if you cant change your ways.

“Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.” - Yoda