Hi, I think your visit is really positive for both your son and his partner. As long as your son feels he is managing and since there is almost nothing that can be done even when people try, I would concentrate on having a good visit and enjoying their company. Giving your son his space to make decisions about what he does to help his wife will let him know you respect his decisions and he will be more likely to come to you if he ever does choose to ask for support or take a different course to try to get treatment for her.
You could slip a visible note into the front of the book with the website address…LEAPInstitue.org. Or text or email that url to him. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED by families of persons dealing with loved ones with serious mental illness. Part of this journey is coming to terms ourselves with the illness, the needs, and what we CAN do to help.
Good idea! He might be more inclined to learn about it online than by reading the book . . . which he may not want lying around the house anyhow.
Follow-up, now that I’m home. Ended up staying only one day because hurricane Florence was approaching and we wanted to avoid the evacuation traffic. Spent only a couple of hours with son and his sz partner.
He didn’t want us at their home because she throws things around whenever she’s looking for anything. He’s learned that there’s no point in putting stuff back because it’s all going to end up out again.
So we had lunch at a fast-food place. There were a few times that I thought she and I were having a conversation. Then she’d say something that made me realize she was talking to someone who wasn’t there.
She seemed agitated and kept getting up. Alternated between pacing & mumbling, and coming over to give us hugs. She eventually went outside to the ladies room, I think to smoke. Later when she hadn’t come back, I went to look for her. When she came out, the two of us decided we should all go bowling.
She lasted through half of a game before wandering off. Again, I went over to her and she told me, very sternly, “You don’t know how much trouble this has caused.” (Bowling, or maybe spending the afternoon w/us … who knows?) She insisted on leaving immediately. My husband heard her say that there was a bad car accident and someone had been killed.
While we were saying good-by in the parking lot, I looked around and she was bent over, blowing on something at knee level (as though blowing out candles). So there must be some visual hallucinations, as well as auditory.
We got good-by hugs. I felt like she had been trying really hard to behave normally, but her psychosis won out. My heart hurts for her.
I did learn from our son that her SSI payments stopped only because her mother had been her rep payee, and a replacement hasn’t been appointed. I’ve looked up the process, and sent him detailed instructions for getting that done. He is struggling to keep them going on just his income.
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That’s just an awful story. It must’ve been an eye-opener of an experience for you. Schizophrenia is just a horrible and cruel disease. Everyone here on this forum loves someone that lives with it, whether it be a child, a spouse, a partner, or a parent. We’ve all seen what you’ve now seen.
Her mother died? This situation is just tragic. I’m just sitting here shaking my head. No words.
Supporting your son the way you are and the best you can is all you can do.
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Yes, that is probably true. It is like that around my daughter and I usually just don’t pay attention to the odd things, as long as her behavior isn’t hurting anything, I just continue to be with her. I’m glad you got good-by hugs. I’m sure the next visit, if there is one, will go better. I’m glad you went, your son does need your support while he supports her. As you mentioned in an earlier post, caregivers need moral support too.
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That is so true. When he tries to quit he chews nicorette gum 4mg and 2 or 3 pieces at a time followed by a few cigs right after. I am at his apartment right now and he is really nad shape once again. He has been smoking non stop for 2 days and he will not open a door or window. Effective the first of this month it became non smoking. It is so very smoky its sickening and i smoke.
Still no meds or pdocs. Not even a primary doctor. He times the power in the garage with a light timer and when it doesn’t turn on for the time he supposedly sets it for he believes that the neighbors can turn on and off the power in his apartment. Oh and they are coming amd going from behind the bathroom mirror.
Sorry to hear things aren’t exactly ideal, but I am glad that you are trying to be involved with family.
Family is the most important thing.
On the subject of smoking:
Has he tried a vape (vaporizer)?
I struggled to quit smoking cigarettes off and on for years. I got to the point where I could hardly get up the stairs to my apartment about 2 or 3 years ago. I bought one of the bigger, more powerful vaporizers to make sure I would get enough nicotine to stop a craving.
I still vape daily, but my lungs (and cardio) have recovered fully since quitting cigarettes (and doing a lot of running).
It’s a bit of an investment to start, but I don’t spend any more than I used to on cigarettes and I don’t feel like I’m killing myself anymore.
Moderators:
Not sure if we are allowed to post links to stores. If I’m breaking the rules here, feel free to edit / delete / reprimand as necessary.
I currently buy vape gear through:
So true jassy22… very wise words
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My friend has described it as a constant uncertainty and thought looping: (something) happened-didn’t happen-happened-didn’t-happen. Never knowing what is real and what not, and always trying (and often failing) to figure things out. And those are only some of the negative symptoms.
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