everything you stated in your reply was spot on to healthy thinking and that is the direction I have wanted to follow. First issue is that she will not set a limit with him on the gaming spending. When he begins to harass her over what he wants it creates turmoil in the home. It creates stress for her and it is easier for her to let him spend it.
This problem is a symptom of a very large serious problem that my wife has with caretaking vs caregiving.
Thank you for advice on the playstation gift card. That is the solution that I will present to her. He used to use a green got card but that caused problems also so the gift card seems the best solution.
my wife is also his payee rep. She obtained conservatorship of him back in august. It is pretty apparent that I donāt have any say in what he spends after his rent is paid. I am tempted to state amounts here just to show IMO how messed up this situation is.
I have the sole job of the household but yet I am to butt out. Those exact words are not spoken but they donāt have to be. I have never used my sole provider status as something to hold over their head. Maybe I should?
My stepson and my wife have a very enmeshed relationship, very unhealthy.
And SSDI money doesnāt have the same rules as SSI money does it? We canāt provide shelter, food or clothing for our son. If we did he would lose his ssi benefits and he would lose his medicaid.
Do you think the two of you would consider going to therapy together?
If you are not talking to your wife about this and she has never said anything out loud, I think maybe some marriage counseling would help communication. When things go unsaid, none of us know what the other person is thinking.
Your own boundaries are for you to keep; none of us can set or maintain other peopleās boundaries. I understand how stressful all of this is. Everyone is different and will handle things differently. Only when we take the time to understand each other and our individual coping mechanisms can we begin to work together. Then problems with solutions do not become emblematic of the larger difficulties and we can just solve them and move on. Because so many of our difficulties do not have solutions or resolutionsā¦
If you are not talking to your wife about this and she has never said anything out loud, I think maybe some marriage counseling would help communication. When things go unsaid, none of us know what the other person is thinking.
We have discussed it. I wanted the account removed a long time ago, she said no and I capitulated. I hope this solution will solve the problem. We did go to marriage counseling for quite a while with not a good outcome.
My son lives with me and has SSDI. I am his rep payeeā¦I provide for a good portion of the housing good and clothes since his money does not go very far, If asked Iād state that his needs come from his moneyā¦No one has asked in many years but no one has ever threatened he could lose his Medicaidā¦Maybe things are different in different states. Iām not sure.
My sonās ssdi is under a certain amount which qualifies him for ssi to bring it up to a certain level. Medicaid is run by the states and can differ, if I understand correctly. Answering the questions correctly is probably quite key. I know that if we pay for food, clothing or shelter, or donāt charge him marketable rent, such things are counted as income. If his income is above a certain level he doesnāt qualify for medicaid.
The same thing happened to my son and when I say these charges I called Am Ex and they froze that account. They told me that he was possibly paying for other people to play? I changed it so I donāt have my card attached any longer. Just explain to your wife that if it attached to your bank account it makes it harder to dispute. Good luck. You can always go back to buying the DVDs. That is what we had to do.
Very important things you remind us of. My friend who also has a SZ son stated that she finally came to terms with his illness when she realized heās a special gift to their family teaching them what unconditional love really means.
you and your wife need to accept that there will probably always be problems such as overspending, hygiene, isolation. Is it possible that to your wife these are small things compared to the life or death struggle she has survived with her son? She may already realize that but feels the consequence of making him accountable are more than she can handle. I used to take my sonās meds to his bedroom almost every morning.
I have ideas of things that could have helped my marriage that may or may not work for yāall if you are interested. I will try not to take so long to answer next time.