I am glad that I found this forum as I really need some advice and help and hope to find it here.
Here is my situation. I am the sole caregiver for my mother who is 93 years old. I live with her in her home along with my boyfriend and brother. My brother, who is now 63 was diagnosed with paranoid Schizophrenia when he was in his 20’s. He receives money from SSI. He has made attempts to have a “normal” life by getting married, having a daughter, moving out of my mother’s home. His marriage ended in divorce, he doesn’t have a good relationship with his daughter and he always would end up coming back to live with my mother. He has now lived with her for the past 20 years. He won’t take any medication and doesn’t believe that there is anything the matter with him. He is constantly thinking that someone is out to get him, whether it be me, my boyfriend, the mailman, etc… He has not spoken to me kindly since my boyfriend moved in with us over two years ago. He doesn’t like my boyfriend even though my boyfriend has tried to be friends with him. He always ends up disliking everyone. Somehow someone did something that turns them into an enemy.
I have tried so hard over the years to be nice to him, to be understanding and to help him such as loaning him my car, letting him use my computer, etc. But my biggest mistake is that I have never talked to anyone knowledgeable about his illness so I have no idea how to handle it and have never been able to help him in that way. My mother has basically lived a life of denial about him. She has always let him live and treat her any way he feels like. She has been afraid to ask him to move out over the years because she is afraid , I think, that he will try to kill himself as he did one time back in his early 20’s. Every time any of us have complained about him to her her stock answer is “At least he stays in his room most of the time.” Or “just ignore him if he bothers you”.
It is very difficult for me to be understanding. I am one of four siblings and feel that I have been left to deal with my aging mom, who also has dementia now and my brother on my own. My other two siblings are really no help to me at all. My brother who lives with us is supposed to be paying a portion of the utility bills which he has decided not to pay since last September. He does nothing to help me with our mother and just lives as he pleases here. Everything is up to me to fix, take care of and do.
I can take and handle a lot but I’m just getting to the end of my rope and trying to hang on. It’s very difficult taking care of my mom. My boyfriend and I also work and we are the only ones doing any housework what-so-ever.
Friends have told me that I should try to have my brother removed from our home. I don’t know what the answer is because the situation is becoming so impossible and hard to live with. But where would he go and what would he do? What do others do and is there anyone out there facing this sort of predicament? Who can I call for advice and help?
Thank you in advance!!!